Unification
by Aphrodite420
Summary: *Sequel to The Vulcan's Wife* One year after the events of the prequel, this is Sarek and Amanda's journey to the birth of Spock. Chapter 20 is now up.
1. One Year Later

**A/N: Here it is! And to all the reviewers for TVW who said thank you to me...you are all very, very welcome.**

**Chapter 1: One Year Later**

A lot can happen in a year. It is only three hundred and sixty-five days- a small portion of time, a fraction of a lifespan- and yet those few hundred days can change everything.

This is a fact S'chn T'gai Amanda (better known as Amanda Grayson) knew well. In the space of one year she had met, fallen in love with, and married her husband. Her life- once so ordinary- had been turned upside down.

There had been many trials and tribulations during the first months of their marriage. But they made it through. They had endured. They lived on, their marriage stronger than ever- and it had been worth it. It had been worth the pain and suffering.

In the year they had been living on Earth, Amanda had never known greater harmony. The dark beginnings of their marriage coalesced into peace and happiness. They had started over, begun their marriage anew- unhampered by their past. They had moved on. They found the peace they sought. A year ago she had not thought it possible...but such was the power of hope, determination, and the passage of time.

Coming out of her blissful reverie, Amanda looked up at the antique clock on the wall that rhythmically kept time, disturbing the otherwise silent room with each resounding tick. It was 1800 hours...Sarek was probably home already.

Gathering her PADDs, she put them away in one of her desk drawers. While being an elementary school teacher did not afford much of a challenge by way of academics, she still had pile upon pile of PADDs to grade and dealt with unruly ten-year-olds on a daily basis on top of that. It was tiring and often stressful, but rewarding to watch the young children learn.

She'd hoped for a more challenging position when she first began applying to schools and institutions a year ago- perhaps a high school class at least, or maybe a tutoring program. But she didn't mind this- she'd grown to like it. The work was not too strenuous and allowed time for her other pursuits.

Amanda also attended night classes at the university, working towards a linguistics and xenocultural history doctorate. She worked days and then came home to grading and class-planning- barely had enough time to have dinner with Sarek- and then left for classes...only to return late at night and crawl into bed exhausted, falling asleep in her husband's arms within seconds.

But she enjoyed having something to do- something to work toward. For the first time she had a career and a bright future ahead of her...and while Sarek often expressed concern for her health, he supported her every inch of the way.

Her only regret was that she did not get to see him as often as she would like. He worked all day like she did, and usually made it home in time for dinner. Sometimes he did not return until she had already left for the college...the result being that until the weekend they only saw each other for about an hour a day.

The weekends, however...

"It's Friday, Sarek," she said with a tired smile as she entered his office. He looked up from his desk.

"I know what day it is, Amanda," he replied evenly.

"This means I have no class tonight. You have me all to yourself," she said, leaning over and resting her folded arms on his desk. "It's been a l-long week," she added as she yawned.

"Then I suggest you retire to bed after dinner," he replied, his voice a little softer as he looked at her again. "Amanda, you-"

"I know, I know...I work too much. But so do you." She gestured toward his desk, which was stacked high with PADDs.

"I am Vulcan. I do not require as much rest as you do. As it is, you only sleep five hours a night. A typical human requires at least eight."

"Thank you for worrying, but I'm fine," she said, smiling as she rested her chin on one hand and tilted her head at him.

"You should stay home tomorrow night. Your presence is not required at the banquet and rest is more important."

"Sarek!" She stood, staring at him in shock. "It's the biggest annual event! Every ambassador and dignitary in the Federation is going to be there- and they'll being _their _spouses! I can't let you go alone, you'd be the only one!"

"It is not necessary for you to go," he replied. She sighed.

"I'm going, and that's final." She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him.

Like all married couples, they had their spats. They'd had plenty of them in the last year...but just like this one, they were always quickly resolved. Sarek reached out, arms encircling her waist as he drew her to him and she sat on his lap. Slowly, her arms unfolded and she sighed.

"Damn you," she said fondly and his arms tightened around her.

"Stay tomorrow."

"I'm going. Final answer," she said, placing her arms around his neck.

"Why must you always insist?"

"Why must you?" she retorted and she could have sworn she saw the corners of his lips lift slightly.

"Very well. Since you insist I will allow you to go."

"You'll _allow_ me?" she asked, eyebrows rising.

"I planned to administer a nerve pinch to prevent you from it."

"You always know what to say to make a woman feel loved," she said sarcastically. She kissed him before pulling away and changing the angle to kiss him again. "Come to bed, Sarek. We can have a late dinner afterward," she murmured.

"It is tempting, but I must finish my work," he replied, pulling away. "Later, Amanda."

"All right...but after dinner I'll be waiting for you upstairs. Don't you _dare_ keep me waiting." She placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it gently before moving off his lap.

"It is not in my nature to keep you waiting," he replied. She smiled as she kissed him again and began to back toward the door.

"I'm going to go help T'Shan with dinner. It should be done in an hour...and by then you'd better be in that dining room, and you'd better hurry up and eat. If not I might be forced to _drag_ you upstairs."

He did not reply but she felt his agreement over the bond and she smiled. He looked forward to the weekends as well. Friday evening to Sunday evening was reserved for them only- other than the occasional banquet or party they were invited to, they stayed home and enjoyed each other's company with no work to interfere. Those weekends kept them both- or at least her- from going insane.

Giving him one last small smile she turned around and exited his office.

She was fortunate. She had a career in progress and a husband who _could_ at times be difficult, but loved her and was truly concerned about her. She even had friends again- women whom she'd met at the numerous diplomatic events and occasionally went out with. She had everything she could possibly ask for...

And yet there was still something missing.

She wasn't sure when this realization came, exactly...perhaps with her miscarriage of the year before. It made her wonder; if it could have been somehow prevented, what would the child have looked like? Would it have been a boy or a girl? What would it have grown up to be? A scientist and diplomat, like its father? Or more like her? Or something else entirely?

Over time, as they healed from the wound dealt to them by nature, she had become increasingly curious about the possibility of having a child. There were no guarantees it was possible but she had done research. Many interspecies couples had been able to have children, although admittedly their biology was not as different as that between Vulcans and humans. It had never been attempted...but surely with some help it would be possible?

The thought of a half-Vulcan, half-human child filled her with warmth. She wanted a family...she wanted to have a child- for both her and Sarek. The desire had grown from mere curiosity to an almost painful longing- certainly not helped by the fact that she was surrounded by children all day long. Most teachers complained that teaching children made them not want any of their own- but the exact opposite was true for Amanda. It made her think almost constantly about it.

Their marriage had finally settled into a state of contentment, and even though she was still going to school she saw no reason not to start a family...she could still attend night classes, or complete them online like she had with her Bachelor's degree. She knew she had plenty of time- she was only twenty-four- but the yearning was too great to ignore. She simply didn't _want_ to wait.

If Sarek had sensed these thoughts and desires in one of the melds they engaged in every few weeks, he did not comment on it. Nor did she bring it up. She knew he was waiting for her to address the issue in her own time and she would...eventually.

Truth be told, she was afraid to discuss it with him. The thought made no sense, but she simply didn't want to confront him about it. Would he agree? Try to talk her out of it? Did he want a child at all? She knew he'd been just as sad as she when she lost the first one...but did he want to try again?

Amanda knew she couldn't avoid it forever. If she wanted to start a family she had to talk to him about it. Yet every time she'd tried to bring it up over the last few months, something stopped her. Despite her own deep desire for a child she wasn't just afraid of discussing it with Sarek...part of her was afraid of being let down. She wanted it so much...what if it turned out to be impossible? While she was happy enough with it just being the two of them, they didn't seem _complete_ to her. Finding out that it was impossible for them to conceive would crush her.

But she had to do it. They had to at least try...she _had_ to talk to him about it. And she knew that time was nearing.

* * *

The banquet was held by the Federation president every year to encourage relations between planets. What she'd said was true- every dignitary in the Federation would be there, and they would bring their spouses. She'd gone with him the year before and despite his protests would go again.

"I still maintain that you should rest this evening instead," Sarek said as he pulled on a pair of boots, sitting on the edge of the bed. She could see his reflection behind her in the mirror.

"I _am_ your wife," she pointed out as she smoothed down the blue silk gown she'd donned for the occasion. "How would it look if you went without me? The media would immediately jump to conclusions. I can see the headline already: _Trouble in Paradise_. With a big question mark on the end. Then they'll wait at the gates for us to make a comment on Monday. And of course- since you insist on silence- we won't answer and that will fuel speculation."

She'd become very familiar with the workings of the media since meeting him. She'd finally gotten used to it though, and was no longer bothered by their constant inquiries and nosiness. She ignored it. They were the least of her problems.

"I could easily issue a statement saying that you are in need of rest."

"Then they'll jump to an entirely different conclusion," she said. "They'd probably think I'm pregnant."

There was a silence after this statement as she studied his reflection. Sarek said nothing as he stood and straightened his robes, not looking at her. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but that was not the response she'd been looking for.

She turned around to face him. "So how do I look?"

"Pleasing, as always," he replied.

"Just 'pleasing'?" she asked, sliding her arms around him.

"I do not know what else you expect me to say."

"Beautiful, sexy, ravishing," she said with a smile.

"I see no logical reason to tell you that which you already know," he said. She laughed as she pulled away and he led her toward the door.

Diplomatic events were another aspect of their life she had grown accustomed to. There were times when she still felt awkward and made a few small mistakes- but it was never anything that could not be easily rectified and for the most part she played her role well.

She'd met a lot of interesting people at these events and had even made friends with some of them. They tried to keep in touch outside of social occasions and when they met up she always had a good time. It was a relief to have them to talk to, as she did not particularly enjoy standing around listening to the uninteresting conversations Sarek conducted with other diplomats.

They always entered together but after being introduced to a few new people she excused herself from Sarek's side and joined the other women. This function was no different, and a few minutes after their arrival she turned to him.

"I'm going to find the _interesting_ people to talk to," she said. He raised his eyebrows.

"Am I not interesting, Amanda?" he asked.

"Not when you're talking about how high interplanetary import taxes are," she replied with a teasing smile. _"Don't worry, you'll get a chance to show me how interesting you are later tonight,"_ she told him over the bond. He did not reply but she took his silence for assent.

She left him to his own mingling as she crossed the hall, joining another woman by the refreshment table.

"Amanda," greeted the Betazoid with a nod and warm smile.

"Always a pleasure to see you again, Axana," Amanda replied.

"You are happy," Axana said, peering at Amanda closely. "And yet..."

"Stop reading my emotions," Amanda said, frowning. "You know I don't like that."

"When I am surrounded by others in a setting like this, it is much more difficult to control my telepathy," Axana replied, sipping from her glass.

"Where's Keris?" she asked.

"I think she and her husband are stranded in a distant sector. They were delayed and will not make it. How is Ambassador Sarek?"

"As you can see, he's perfectly fine," Amanda said, gesturing toward where he stood conversing with the chairman of the Vulcan High Council.

"And you?"

She shrugged. "Busy. Juggling work and classes isn't easy, you know. But I'm managing."

"I did not mean that," Axana said archly. "I meant how are you _emotionally_."

"I'm fine, too," she replied but as she said it she glanced at Sarek- remembering what had been tugging at the back of her conscience for months...

"If you were fine, what is troubling you would not be radiating off you with such power," Axana replied, raising an eyebrow as her black eyes bored into Amanda's.

"It's personal," Amanda said, frowning.

"Ah," Axana said, casting a look over at Sarek.

"We're not fighting or anything," Amanda said quickly. "Our marriage is fine. _Not_ that it's any of your business."

"So the issue is you," Axana concluded. "And whatever it is you have not told him."

"I really don't want to talk about this with you," Amanda said.

"You know that as a Betazoid, I will be brutally honest with you," she said. "You can't keep what is troubling you from him. I do not need to know what it is to know it's important to you. The longer you keep it from him the worse your fears will become. I know this because I feel the emotions of all those around me- I know humans hide behind fear. I consider you a friend and would not want you to fall to that same error."

Amanda didn't reply. She looked at Sarek once again. He nodded at something the chairman said and as the elder Vulcan turned away, Sarek looked up at her. Their eyes met across the hall, and she gave him a small smile. Although he could not return the gesture, his eyes did soften- like they always did when he looked at her. He began to make his way toward her.

"I pity a marriage in which a wife cannot even overcome her fear to confide in her life mate," Axana said quietly before Sarek was within hearing range.

Drawing in a breath to prepare a reply, Amanda looked over at the Betazoid- but she was already gone, making her way toward her own husband. When she turned back Sarek was before her.

"Dinner is to be served in ten minutes. We should find our places," he said. She nodded mutely, thinking about Axana's words as he led her through the open archway and into a hall filled with round tables set for a dozen guests each.

The banquet was like so many others they had attended. There was a dinner, musical entertainment provided by a popular Bajoran orchestra; speeches and afterward more mingling amongst the guests...

When she went to her first of such engagements on Vulcan, she'd been a nervous wreck. Now she found it much easier- even enjoyable. It was a chance to practice some of the languages she had learned, and learn more from the native speakers. Other than Axana, she knew and conversed easily with dozens of the other women. She found it much easier to talk to them than to the men, and many of them were politicians themselves.

There had been a time when everyone- including her- thought she would never fit into this life. But she was adjusting...still learning and still adapting...but improving. Socializing in such a setting was becoming almost second nature to her.

After hours of smiling and conversing and being the best socialite she could, she was more than ready to go home. So when they said their polite goodbyes to the Federation president (who was not as intimidating as she had expected) she was relieved.

All the way home she thought about what Axana had said. She blocked the thoughts from Sarek- a trick he had taught her that would allow her privacy even when the bond was open- but he seemed to know something was wrong.

"You have been unusually quiet this evening," he said as they entered their bedchamber.

"I'm just tired," she said. It wasn't a lie- she _was_ tired.

He did not reply and they did not speak again as she changed into a silk nightgown. He sat in a chair by the window and picked up his _ka'athyra_, plucking at the strings rather distractedly. As she took the pins out of her hair and it tumbled down around her shoulders, she looked over at him. He seemed to be deep in thought, his eyes slightly unfocused as he frowned down at the instrument.

Axana was right. She couldn't keep her desires from him forever- and she shouldn't let her fear of what he might say or her fear of being let down prevent her from it. The longer she delayed, the less likely she was to ever get the courage to bring it up.

Hesitating one last time, she went to him. Her bare feet padded against the floor quietly until she stood before him. He looked up as she took the _ka'athyra_ from his lap and replaced it with her own weight.

"I've been thinking a lot about something the last several months," she said.

"A strange occupation for a human," he replied. She knew it was his idea of a light joke- a form of teasing they traded back and forth. But tonight she was in no mood for teasing. He seemed to notice this when she remained silent, not returning the barb. "What is it, Amanda?" he asked gently, drawing her closer and stroking her hair.

"Sarek..." How to say it? How could she say the words she'd wanted to say for months? Now that the moment had come she couldn't seem to voice it...

He waited, watching her patiently. When she did not speak for a while, he squeezed her hip reassuringly. Coming back to herself and meeting his gaze, she wet her lips and took a deep breath. This was _Sarek_, for God's sake. She could say it to _him_.

"I want to have a baby."


	2. Communication

**A/N: A few reviewers pointed out that there were no female ambassadors in the last chapter...but I never said that. I'd like to point out a line:**

**"She found it much easier to talk to them than to the men, and many of them were politicians themselves."**

**See? :) It was a bit of an obscure passage but I'll try to make this fact more noticeable in the future.**

**Chapter 2: Communication**

Sarek's eyes slowly lowered from hers. He did not reply to her declaration and instead concentrated on stroking her hair, the silken strands sliding between his fingers.

After several silent and tense seconds of waiting, Amanda placed her hands on his face and forced him to look up at her. She couldn't bear the anticipation- she'd finally gotten the courage to say the words and the silence that followed was not what she'd hoped for.

"Say something," she bade him. His dark eyes looked into hers steadily.

"What do you expect me to say?" he asked. She sighed, shaking her head.

"I don't know. Whatever comes to mind first."

His eyes lowered again- this time in thoughtfulness, not avoidance.

"I sensed something was disturbing you during our melds and on occasion through the bond. Out of respect for your privacy I did not delve deeper to seek out the cause. I assumed it had something to do with me...but I was not expecting this." His voice was quiet and she felt nothing from the bond. He was blocking her.

"You're still avoiding what I said," she said, moving out of his embrace and sitting upright so she could look at him.

"I am not. I am curious as to why you kept this desire from me for so long. I thought I made it clear when we first began our relationship that I welcome communication and honesty. Why did you not mention this sooner?"

"Does it matter?" she asked tensely, folding her arms and staring at him.

"It does to me. I had thought we developed a level of trust that would allow you to speak to me about matters that are important to you, no matter how personal. This has bothered you for months and yet you did not tell me sooner."

She touched on the link, seeking entrance into his mind. She needed to know how he felt...and when he let her in she felt...sadness. She had kept this from him- he thought this meant she did not trust him, could not confide in him...

A part of her relented and she scooted closer to him.

"It's not that," she said aloud, stroking his jaw. "I _do_ trust you. It's just that this is a very sensitive subject for us both. It took a lot of courage to finally say it because saying it out loud makes it official. There's no guarantee it's even possible and..." She broke off, biting her lips and looking down.

"As humans say...you do not want to get your hopes up," Sarek finished. She nodded and then took a deep breath.

"I need to know how you feel about this, Sarek. I need to know if you want to start a family too."

He did not reply right away, once more threading his fingers through her hair- something he did when in deep contemplation. She waited as patiently as she could but her posture was rigid with apprehension. Finally he spoke.

"As it is what you want," he said, "we will make an attempt."

"Sarek..." She sighed. "You can't agree to this just because _I_ want it...you have to want it too."

"If it were entirely up to me, I would not take the risk," he said quietly, his eyes once more lowering from hers.

"_What_?" she said incredulously.

"I would rather have only you than risk the possibility of losing both you and the child," Sarek explained calmly. "We have already lost one and that experience was painful enough."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take!" she said, climbing off his lap and standing before him with her hands on her hips. "We _have_ to try, Sarek! Don't you _want_ us to have a complete family?"

He folded his hands before him, looking down at the floor.

"I do not deny that the idea of having a child with you is pleasing. But if it is even possible I am sure the required process is dangerous and full of complications for both you and the child in question. I would prefer not to take chances."

"But it would be worth it!" she cried. "You aren't even _willing_ to try! You're being selfish!"

"I believe I already said we would make an attempt, as it is your wish to do so."

"That's just it- I'm the only one _wanting_ to give it a shot! It can't be that way, Sarek! This has to be a mutual decision. And since you obviously _don't_ want it...I guess I don't either." Her fists clenched at her sides as she turned her back on him.

Amanda was hurt. She'd wanted to give it a try so much...the fact that he obviously didn't pained her. She'd hoped he wanted a family too but she was wrong. He didn't care one way or the other. And at the moment she didn't even want to look at him.

"I'm going to bed. Good night, Sarek," she said sadly.

As she moved back to the bed tears formed in her eyes. And when she drew the covers around her she heard him moving around, presumably changing out of his clothes. A few minutes later she felt his weight on the mattress and moved farther away, her back facing him. She wasn't going to yell and scream or even cry like she wanted to...but that didn't mean she had to pretend he hadn't just hurt her more than he ever had before.

Sarek commanded the lights to turn off and they lay in darkness, silence stretching on between them. Each knew that the other was still awake and the absence of their nightly banter made the silence deafening, the tension thick between them. Every muscle in her body was taut with it and she wondered if she would be able to sleep at all that night.

She wasn't sure how much time passed during which they simply lay there- awake and not saying a word to each other. Finally, his weight shifted and she tensed as she felt his warm presence behind her.

"I never said I do not want us to have a child," he said, breaking the silence.

"Not in so many words," she replied bitterly.

"Not at all," he corrected. "I only said that if it were solely my decision to make I would not do it because of the danger involved."

"But wouldn't the danger be worth it if it was successful?"

"Precisely, Amanda..._if_ it was successful," he said. She sighed in frustration, trying to keep her anger at bay.

"We'll never know if it will work if we don't try at all. I _know_ it might be dangerous, Sarek. But this is a situation in which you have to look at it with optimism, not with a negative Vulcan mentality."

"It is not a negative assumption, Amanda. It is a simple fact that you could die from such a pregnancy and I do not want harm to come to you," he said gently, laying a hand on her arm.

"And I'm willing to take the risk- as I've already said. But since you don't think it's worth the effort, I guess this conversation is pointless."

She drew her arm away from him and resettled herself, drawing the covers over her shoulders. She could still feel him behind her, his heat soaking into her.

"I never said I thought it would not be worth it, either. I distinctly remember saying that the idea of you having my child was pleasing."

"But you don't want to try to have one."

"I _do_ want to," he said so quietly she had to strain to hear him. "I want it very much."

'Then why not just _say_ so?" she asked in exasperation.

"My desire for it does not change the fact that it is dangerous."

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Do you or do you _not_ want to try?"

"I am unsure," he said, his voice low. "Aside from the possible dangers..." He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Have you taken all the facts into consideration? Your time is occupied enough as it is. A thirteen-month pregnancy would only-"

"Wait- _thirteen_ months?!" she interrupted, her voice rising. Even though it was dark, enough moonlight filtered through the window to illuminate Sarek's face. She could see his eyebrows rise.

"Yes, Amanda. The average Vulcan gestation is thirteen months. You did not know this?"

"No, I didn't," she admitted. She thought about this for a moment...a whole year of pregnancy? She hadn't expected that...but surely it would be bearable... "It would be less for a half-human though, right?"

"I do not know...but you must take all facts into consideration while making your decision, Amanda," he replied.

"I don't _need_ to consider it any more. I'm resolved," she said with a finality Sarek knew he couldn't argue with. "All I need to know is that _you_ want a child too- and not just because it's what _I_ want. You have to want to make an attempt for your own reasons, not mine."

"I do," he replied softly as he lay a warm, heavy hand on her waist. "I should have said so to begin with. I do want a family- and for illogical reasons. Yet I cannot deny I am wary of the possible risks. I leave the decision in your hands, my _adun'a_. Whatever you decide I will support despite my reservations. But know that I do want it as much as you do."

Relief washed over her and she finally turned over to move closer to him, into his warm arms.

"Then we both want the same thing. And as for the dangers...we'll worry about that later. The fact that we both want to try is enough for now. First we have to find out if it's at all possible."

"We must consult a geneticist," Sarek replied as she nuzzled her face against his chest. "And I am acquainted with one. I could schedule an appointment if you would like."

"You do that," she said softly, relief once again rolling over her. He _was_ willing, then...his only concern was the danger. Of course that was all...she should have known as much. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I know you're only concerned that something might happen to me."

"It is illogical to apologize. There is nothing to forgive," he replied and she smiled before kissing him.

"I think I said earlier that you would have a chance to prove to me how interesting you are," she said. He pulled her closer to him, lifting her leg and placing it over his hip so they were pressed flush against each other.

"So you did," he said.

* * *

Sarek looked over at his wife, who sat in a plastic chair with her legs crossed; one foot jiggling nervously as she wrung her hands in her lap. They had only been waiting for ten minutes, but she had been nervous ever since the journey from Earth to Vulcan the night before.

It had been a week since they'd decided to check into the possibility of conception. As promised, Sarek had made a consultation appointment with the geneticist and then they had come to Vulcan for the weekend. Now they waited in the lobby of the building that housed a laboratory.

Amanda's nervousness was in part because today they would find out whether or not they could have a child- but he also suspected it was because the geneticist was Sarek's former betrothed, T'Para. The first meeting between the women had not gone particularly well and she feared she'd made a bad impression on the Vulcan. She'd tried to get Sarek to find someone else- but T'Para was highly experienced with genetics from all known life forms. There was no better person for the task at hand and he'd told her so.

He _did_ want this as much as she did- but his concern and fear for her safety outweighed that. What he'd said to her the week before was true...if the decision had been his they would not be there. But it was hers, and she'd made it.

All week she had been much more cheerful than usual. She was in no way an unhappy woman before- but now she smiled almost constantly, touching him affectionately in some way every time she walked past and kissed him...among other things...every chance she got. He'd never seen her in such a state of spirits before.

But now all that had disappeared, resulting in the jumpy, nerve-wracked woman beside him.

He leaned toward her and she looked at him, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Calm yourself, Amanda," he said gently. He opened the bond and sent her the peace she needed. Her foot stopped jiggling and her hands relaxed in her lap.

"What if she tells us it's impossible?" she asked and he sensed her worry. He knew if that happened she would be extremely upset.

_"If that is what occurs, I am here," _he reassured her telepathically. Then aloud, "And we have already had confirmation that it _is_ possible. We simply need to find out how to bring it to completion."

_"Thank you," _she responded in his mind with a small smile.

At that moment a door opened and Amanda sat straighter in her chair. T'Para entered the lobby...she looked as Sarek remembered her. Dark hair twisted up in a complicated coif, her face lovely and yet blank, her gown billowing behind her as she neared them.

"_Dif-tor heh smusma_, Sarek and Lady Amanda," she said, giving the Vulcan salute as they stood. They returned the greeting before she led them back through the door from which she'd come and down a stark, white-paneled corridor to another door that slid open automatically as they approached.

Once they were seated in her office, T'Para sat across from them behind her desk.

"I have reviewed the case and your medical histories and come to a conclusion," she said. Sarek saw Amanda lean forward, her breath catching in her throat as she awaited the verdict. He was outwardly calm- but he was just as apprehensive as she was. "There are many differences between Vulcan and human physiology, the most notable and conflicting being the placement of organs and the differing blood compositions. As you already know from Lady Amanda's miscarriage of last year, at the end of the first month the embryo ceases to function when the organs begin to develop. This is the greatest challenge your case presents. However, I am certain it is possible for you to have a child. I have already compiled information on procedures that will allow it."

Amanda's breath came out forcefully and she smiled weakly. He felt her intense relief as well as his own.

"It is apparent that we cannot conceive naturally. What are our options?" Sarek asked.

T'Para leaned forward, lacing her fingers together on her desk. "There are two. The first is significantly riskier for the child. The second is riskier for the mother. Shall I outline the separate processes?"

Sarek and Amanda both nodded once and she continued.

"In the first, conception is achieved through natural means. At the end of the first month of pregnancy the embryo is removed from the womb and for the next three months gestated in a laboratory with strict monitoring. After that time the fetus is replaced in the womb for another three months to mature. At that time it is removed yet again for the final stages of development. This is a lengthy, highly dangerous process for the infant."

Sarek could feel Amanda's discomfort at the idea of this plan. He himself did not enjoy the prospect. The idea of their child growing to maturity in a lab was...unsettling. Unnatural.

"And the second?" Amanda asked.

"In the second, a zygote from each of you is genetically altered. Vulcan genes are stronger than human ones, therefore the human genes that negatively impact the hybrid embryo's development will be suppressed to allow for Vulcan development instead. The child's blood will contain human elements to allow for the mother and child to coexist. But mostly, the child will assume Vulcan physiology and appearance.

"The altered zygotes would be combined in a laboratory before being placed in the womb, but this process may have to be repeated more than once before the embryo takes. It depends entirely on chance. But once the embryo attaches itself to the uterine wall there will be a less than ten percent chance of a miscarriage in the first months of pregnancy." T'Para fell silent and observed the couple across from her.

"The second option sounds more agreeable," Amanda said. But Sarek leaned forward.

"You mentioned that this second option would be more dangerous for the mother," he pointed out. T'Para nodded slowly.

"Yes. The human body is not made to accommodate a Vulcan fetus. As the pregnancy progresses there will be a higher chance of complications which may be serious in nature for both mother and child. But I have estimated the chances of the infant surviving until birth to be nearly twenty percent higher with the second option than with the first."

"But it would risk Amanda's life," Sarek concluded. T'Para nodded once more.

"It is a difficult decision. The chances of survival for the child are slim with the first option but her own life could be endangered with the second. Yet these are the only two proven procedures for hybrid offspring. I have assisted in many such pregnancies and although this is my first Vulcan-human attempt, I have high hopes for it to be just as successful as the others."

Silence fell in the room. Sarek disliked both of these options but if he had to choose...

"I'll go with option two," Amanda said suddenly. Both T'Para and Sarek turned to her in surprise.

"Amanda-" he began. That was _not_ the option he would have chosen.

"Don't," was all she said, her voice quiet. She did not look at him, instead looking at T'Para. "How soon will all this be possible?"

Sarek shifted in his chair. He did not like how she was excluding him from this decision. And she was choosing the dangerous option...he felt panic rising within him. He couldn't allow her to risk her life...

"It depends, Lady Amanda," T'Para replied. "I would require experimental zygotes from each of you to test the correct formula for genetic suppression. It may be weeks or even months before I am finished. After that it would only be a matter of having you come once a month for the implantation until it is successful."

"Amanda, perhaps we should discuss this," Sarek said, leaning toward her and catching her eye. "I would prefer-"

"You said this was my decision," she said softly. "And I've decided."

"And yet-"

"Sarek, we'll discuss it later," she said quietly and turned back to T'Para, who had watched the exchange blankly. "I'm not sure I like the whole laboratory aspect. This sounds too much like an experiment and I don't like to think that my child would be conceived in such a way...but this is infinitely better than having it removed and replaced repeatedly. If Sarek will consent, when will you need our zygotes?"

Sarek's jaw clenched as anger flared within him. He would _not_ consent to this. Consenting would mean he approved of his wife endangering herself. He wanted a child as much as she- but not if it cost her life.

"Whenever you are prepared," T'Para replied.

"I must discuss this with you first," Sarek said coldly to Amanda, his knuckles white as he clutched the arm rests of his chair. He turned to T'Para. "We will inform you of our decision tomorrow at the earliest. We must take our leave now."

He stood. Amanda looked as if she were about to protest, but when he looked at her she seemed to see something of what he was feeling in his eyes. She stood without a word and nodded at T'Para as they left.

* * *

They did not speak a word until they arrived at the mansion, but Sarek was fuming. Amanda could feel it over the bond- he was far from pleased with her decision. But she would not back down. Her decision was final.

He led her up to the bedchamber and she was somehow sure that if the door was an old-fashioned swinging door he would have slammed it shut behind him as he entered after her.

"I cannot allow it, Amanda," he said. His eyes blazed as he stood before her with his arms crossed. "It is too dangerous for you. You should go with the first option if you are going to insist we do this at all."

"Neither option really strikes me as the perfect one," Amanda admitted. "But I had a choice and I made it, Sarek. It's either put an infant through a torturous process in a laboratory- a process which it isn't likely to survive, by the way- or take the chance that I may have complications with in-vitro fertilization."

"If you refuse the first option then I suggest you not do this at all. I would far rather be childless than wifeless, Amanda," he said icily.

"How can you _say_ that?" Amanda asked angrily, slamming her fist on the night table. "The whole _point_ of going through this is to have a baby! What's the use if I'm going to pick the route most likely to result in its death? I would rather pick the option most likely to result in a live birth- even if I have to endanger myself for it!"

"I want a child as well- but I also want you to survive. If forced to choose between one or the other I would choose you."

"How can you claim you want a family and then turn around and say something so heartless as that?" Amanda asked angrily, shaking her head. "You're asking me to make a choice that could kill your own flesh and blood. And you _want_ me to make that decision? You _want_ me to take that risk? I would far rather risk myself than the life of an infant! I don't think you want this as much as I do. I would gladly endanger myself to give you a child. I don't even have _words_ for how selfish you are!"

"The child could very possibly live, Amanda. You seem convinced it could not survive the process. I admit there is a higher risk factor and it may be selfish to ask you to take the chance- but that is what I believe you should do," Sarek said grimly. "There is no need to risk your life. If you do not choose the first option I will refuse to participate."

She stared at him in disbelief for a moment. Then her face hardened and she advanced toward him. She raised a hand and brought it down sharply across his face- _smack_!

He barely flinched but she knew he felt it. He stared down at her calmly, his arms slowly lowering to his sides.

"You _disgust_ me," she hissed as hot tears started to fall down her cheeks. "How could you ask that of me? I _refuse_ to take that chance, Sarek."

She moved around him towards the door. All she knew was that she needed to get away from him- far away. She had never been more furious.

And for once he didn't try to stop her.


	3. Contention

**A/N: I would like to point out that I don't think Amanda was being immature in the last chapter...overly emotional, yes, but not childish. Emotionalism does not always equal immaturity. This is how I would expect an emotional human to react when told to either give up or take the chance of their child dying. She did not make the right decision by becoming angry and slapping Sarek, but I still do not think she was "immature". I suggest that everyone read VickyFromGreece's review because it was spot-on about this subject.**

**I would also like to point out the TOS episode, "Journey to Babel" which in part inspired this story arc. If you will recall, Spock refused to save Sarek's life because he had other duties and it was the logical choice. Amanda yelled at him- cried- and even slapped him. I do not see how that is any different from what happened in the last chapter, the only difference being that the roles of father and son are reversed. I maintain the belief that this is how she would react to Sarek's ultimatum.**

**Anywho...many more thanks to LadyFangs, who wrote the dream in this chapter, and to all of my readers and reviewers. Sorry this took a while.**

**Chapter 3: Contention**

Amanda wiped furiously at the tears on her cheeks as she swept down the hallway, the sounds of her bare feet striking the cold marble floor echoing against the walls.

How _dare_ he demand that she either risk their child's life or give up completely? Even though he knew how much it meant to her- even though he knew how dangerous that procedure was- he refused to let her make her own decision. He'd _told_ her only a week ago that it was her decision to make. He'd _promised_ her his support...but he'd now withdrawn it. That hurt her more than anything else he'd said.

She was fully aware of the potential for complications. But there was no _guarantee_ there would be any. T'Para had said it was possible but even she wasn't sure about that- it had never been attempted before. There was every reason to hope the pregnancy would occur without incident. Sarek had asked her to take a chance with the first option- yet he himself wouldn't take a chance with the second.

Amanda slowed down, wiping away the tears once more as she leaned against a wall. She closed her eyes to give her whirling mind a chance to calm down and collect her thoughts.

She was hurt. She was angry. _How_ could he treat the child they wanted to create like it wasn't worth the try? _How_ could he be willing to condemn it to possible death, seemingly without a second thought? Even the _thought_ of his words made her fists clench again, nails biting into her palms. It was either succumb to his wishes or give up. And she refused to put an infant through all that...which left only one option. And that option left her feeling...empty.

"Lady Amanda?"

She looked up and saw T'Shan standing at the end of the corridor, looking at her with eyebrows furrowed.

"T'Shan," she said, her voice hoarse as she straightened from the wall. "Would you please ready a room for me tonight?"

The Vulcan appeared taken aback. She stiffened and her eyebrows drew even closer together.

"You are not staying with _osu_ Sarek?"

"No," she replied flatly, lips pressing tightly together as a fresh wave of anger rolled over her. "I'm not."

The Vulcan regarded her silently for a moment before nodding once.

"I will prepare a chamber for you." She paused, hesitating before continuing. "Lady Amanda...may I inquire about the source of this request?"

"We came to Vulcan to check into the possibility of starting a family," Amanda replied bitterly. "The options were less than satisfactory and he disagreed with my decision. To make a long story short- it doesn't look like we're starting a family any time soon."

T'Shan lowered her gaze. "I see."

"Don't, T'Shan," Amanda said warningly, once more brushing her hands over her cheeks to wipe away the moisture. "Just leave it alone."

"Perhaps he requires guidance," T'Shan said. Amanda shook her head.

"No. I don't think even you can change his mind on this."

His decision was final. She knew that...and at the moment she resented him for it. He hadn't even given her a _chance_ to decide for herself...it was either his way or no way. The thought made her nails dig even deeper into her palms as her fists tightened.

"I will ready a room for you now," T'Shan said quietly before leaving her alone. Amanda slumped against the wall again, arms hugged around herself.

Right now she needed her space from him. She had absolutely no desire to see him at all- and didn't know when she would again. He'd hurt her- broken her heart. Shattered her hopes. There was nothing left now but emptiness and despair.

The child she'd wanted- for him as well as herself- would never be.

* * *

Sarek wasn't sure how long he stared at the door after she left. He was dully aware of the stinging on his left cheek and he raised a hand to touch the spot, eyebrows drawing together.

Amanda had hit him. The stinging itself did not bother him- but the simple fact that she'd done such a thing did. She'd slapped him before, but it had been necessary then. He would have died otherwise. This was different. She intentionally tried to hurt him. To Vulcans, the hands were the most intimate parts of their body; they were the main receptors for telepathic connections. Her striking him across the face was far more emotionally hurtful than the accusatory words she'd thrown at him.

She seemed to be under the impression he did not care if the child survived the procedure. She was mistaken. He _did_ care...but there was no need to take a double risk. It was not logical to endanger them both. If the first procedure were to fail, they could try again. But if the second were to fail...it was something he could not even bear to confront.

He didn't understand her reaction. He was only concerned about her- and there was a perfectly viable opportunity for her to remain safe while still achieving their goal of starting a family. He disliked the first option as much as she did, and he knew it was dangerous for the infant. The thought of engaging in an artificial process was disquieting. But why should she discount it and insist on carrying the child throughout the duration of the pregnancy? Why risk herself when there was an alternative solution?

Continuing to stare at the door, he debated following her- to try to understand why she was so insistent on her course of action. Why was she so angry at him for caring about her health? Why had she attempted to hurt him?

He only wanted what was best for her. Why was she so adamant that he was wrong for his refusal to assist her in this madness? How could he approve of her enduring a high-risk pregnancy? If he lost her...

Sarek repressed a shudder. He couldn't even allow himself to consider it. He'd almost lost her once after the Time. He tried not to dwell on those dark hours but now they came floating back into his conscience. He had no desire to revisit such a dreaded possibility. He simply_ could not_ allow her to take that path.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, forearms resting on his knees as he leaned forward. He would not waver from his position. It was she who was being irrational, not him. There was no need for her to take such a risk- therefore he would not give in to her illogical wishes.

* * *

"Lady Amanda, I _must_ speak with you," T'Shan said with a slight urgency in her tone. Amanda glanced up from her PADD at the Vulcan who stood in the doorway.

"What about?" she asked.

"I am sure you already know," the Vulcan replied.

She sighed and set down the PADD, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her hands. "I assume you want to talk about Sarek."

"Precisely."

Amanda looked up at the woman standing across the room. "This is a private issue," she said.

"As you have ordered me not to speak to him about it, I must instead entreat you to listen to me."

"It doesn't concern you," Amanda replied tiredly. "I shouldn't have told you anything."

"On the contrary, I believe it does concern me."

They locked eyes. It was not unusual for T'Shan to intervene when she and Sarek had disagreements...she had become a mutual friend of theirs and she often took it upon herself to ensure the household was at peace. More than once she'd had to talk reason into both of them, and it usually worked. Amanda had learned to look up to the Vulcan woman before her...but this was one situation she knew T'Shan could not fix.

It had been a week since their return from Vulcan- and a week since she'd said so much as a word to Sarek. She had not returned to their bedchamber on the night of the argument, and the next day they had left for Earth. The transport ride had been heavy with silence, the air thick with tension as they'd both tried to ignore it by reading their PADDs.

And then she'd spent the last week avoiding him. Her schedule made it only too easy, the only issue being that of their sleeping quarters. After the first night spent away from him on Vulcan, she'd decided that _she_ would not be the one to give up the bedchamber. Because of this, on their first night back on Earth Sarek did not come to bed...nor had he on any of the following nights. She didn't know where he slept- or if he'd gotten any rest at all.

It was not a comfortable situation...but at the moment she had nothing to say to him. And since he had not sought her out to attempt to speak to her, she assumed he didn't either.

"Then what do you have to say?" Amanda finally asked, deciding it was best to humor the Vulcan. T'Shan moved further into the room and walked around the desk so she stood only a few feet away.

"This is illogical. Avoiding him will not absolve your issues. A compromise can only be reached through discussion. You are only making this a longer, more difficult process than it has to be. You cannot avoid him forever and it would be wise to end the stalemate now, before irreparable damage is done. Perhaps you _should_ consider the procedure in which the child is gestated in a laboratory."

"No." Amanda's voice was flat and absolute. "I can't do that. T'Para herself said it's highly dangerous."

"Then if he cannot change _his_ decision and you cannot change yours, it would be best to make your peace and be done with it."

"At the moment I don't really want to see him." She turned back to her desk. The truth was, her anger had fizzled out days before...but her resentment of the fact that he wouldn't allow her to make her own choice made her reluctant to confront him.

T'Shan was watching her closely. Amanda looked up at her and sighed.

"You don't understand, T'Shan. I really wanted this, and he has pretty much banned it by removing the only option I would consider. After the miscarriage we were both..." Amanda trailed off, silent for a moment before changing direction. "It doesn't matter now though, does it? He's resolved- and I'm resolved. It's a no-win scenario for us both. So I guess I'll just have to live with that."

Her voice was firm when she spoke the words, but she still felt empty inside when she thought about it. The anger was gone, but so was the hope that had filled her- hope at ever having a family. A baby. Her will to fight had disappeared.

"Then why not go to him?" T'Shan persisted. Amanda sighed again and opened a desk drawer to put away her PADDs.

"I'll do it in my own time."

"Lady Amanda...has it not occurred to you that he is only concerned for your welfare?" T'Shan asked. "That he wants you to have a child through the least dangerous means because he cares about you?"

"He should care about our baby going through a risky procedure too," Amanda pointed out.

"What has made you think he does not?" the Vulcan asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"The method I wanted to go along with was far safer for the baby. If he wanted it as much as I do then he would allow it."

"This does not indicate the level of concern he has for the child. I am certain he wants it as much as you do...but it is not logical to risk both of you." T'Shan paused to regard Amanda, who looked back at her steadily. "You do not understand...Vulcan males place high importance on their bond mates, perhaps even higher than that of their family members or even their offspring. I am sure you know why- without a mate they perish in their Time. This is a matter of survival as much for him as it is for you. He may not even be aware that this is his motivation- but it is his natural instinct to protect you from harm in any situation. He will inevitably put your health before the child's, no matter how important the child is to him. This is a harsh fact, but it is true. It is the Vulcan way."

There was a silence between them, during which Amanda looked down at her desk. She already knew Sarek was only worried about her...she'd known that since the night of their argument. But that didn't change the fact that he was preventing her from trying for the only thing she'd ever _truly_ wanted...

"Thank you, T'Shan. But this isn't going to help me," Amanda said quietly.

T'Shan gave her one last long look, before shaking her head and turning away.

"He is trying to secure your safety, perhaps selfishly so. But you are insisting on a course of action that could result in his losing both you and his child- and you have not even considered how he may react to such an event. He is not the only one being selfish." Her tone carried a note of frustration as she made her way to the door.

Amanda watched as the Vulcan left. Long after she was gone, she still sat rooted to her seat.

And now she felt deeply ashamed.

T'Shan was right...she was being just as selfish as he, if not more so. She hadn't even really considered him in her decision- simply thinking about herself and the baby. But if something happened to her it would affect him more than anybody else. In retrospect, he should have been her very first consideration...

But she'd been centered on one thought and one thought only: bringing a child into the world. Nothing else had mattered- she would even take the chance on having a complicated pregnancy. What had started out as a desire had warped into an obsession, and she'd become desperate. She'd been selfish in her desires.

Amanda thought back to her outburst of the week before...she shouldn't have gotten so angry. He had only tried to intervene in what he saw as a dangerous decision.

But instead of accepting this fact and discussing it like an adult, she'd slapped him. The memory of that slap- which had been so harsh, so uncalled-for- made her feel worse. What must he think of the fact that she had struck him? She'd thought about it often over the last week...but the guilt had never been so poignant before.

And while she still wanted to go through with the pregnancy, she now had a much fuller understanding of his motivations. And in hindsight, if she were him she would have intervened too. He had every right to.

She regretted it...but she still could not gather enough resolve to go to him to apologize- to try to make amends. Was she just afraid?

Amanda sighed, rubbing her temples. She couldn't make any sense out of this...not tonight. She'd had a long day and was exhausted. Maybe tomorrow...maybe then she could finally find the strength to confront him and try to make things right. Even if she couldn't get him to change his mind- even if she couldn't get what she wanted...there was no reason to let this continue. She didn't want it to, and she doubted he did either.

Standing from her chair, she put away the last of her PADDs before heading up to bed alone.

* * *

His office was silent except for the gentle hum of the computer console. Sarek stared at the screen unseeingly, his fingers steepled before him.

She had never been so angry at him for so long. Their previous record had been one day and thirteen hours before their issue was finally resolved. But now...a week had passed. And she still avoided him- ignoring his presence when they did encounter one another.

This last week had been even more difficult than the transport ride from Vulcan, which had been uncomfortable enough. She worked during the days and took her meals by herself in the kitchen instead of with him as she usually did. After her evening classes she went straight to bed, while he was still working in his office.

They still shared their bedchamber, but he had rarely been there. He preferred to meditate rather than sleep. The moments he did come in, the divan served as his place of rest. And he always rose and left before she did. Perhaps it would be better to have separate sleeping quarters at the moment, due to the tension between them, but she had not requested such an arrangement and neither would he.

And now it was once more Sunday. She'd spent her weekend elsewhere in the mansion, a fact which saddened him even more than her absence during the week. Normally this was _their_ time. He always looked forward to the weekends.

But she was obviously not over her emotionalism...and until she was, he saw no reason to seek her out. He was very aware of how she was in such situations- it was impossible to reason with her. It would be better to wait for her to come to him when she was ready. She would eventually reconcile herself to his decision and if she truly wanted a child she would opt for the method he had suggested.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Sarek reached for one of his styluses to begin work on a report. Now was not the time to concern himself with his marital issues- no matter how dire they currently were.

He had been working for nearly ten minutes when the door to his office chimed. Slightly annoyed- as everyone knew not to disturb him while he was working- he called for the person to come in. When T'Shan entered he was not surprised.

"_Osu_ Sarek, I believe this has gone on long enough," she said sternly as she stood before his desk. His eyebrows rose as he looked up at her.

Over the last week, she had come to him often. She'd never said what her intentions were outright, but he knew she was trying to restore peace between him and Amanda. Usually when she came she was subtle about it; gently prodding and slipping him unnecessary advice in her quiet, reserved manner. But no more. Her calm demeanor had changed into one of determination and agitation. Her lips were pressed tightly together, eyes dark and narrowed as she looked down upon him.

Apparently, she had reached her limit.

"Clarify yourself," Sarek responded, setting the PADD aside.

"You know there is no need for me to clarify. I do not understand why you are both so determined to avoid the issue," T'Shan said. He was interested to see a faint flicker of emotion across her features. He had never seen her so irritated. "I have just come from Lady Amanda. I believe that if you would speak to her she would be better informed as to your reasons for refusing participation. I will no longer stand idly by and make covert attempts to reconcile the situation. It apparently warrants stronger interference. You have both behaved in an illogical manner."

"I have not," Sarek said coolly. "There is no logic in her risking herself."

"She is human," T'Shan shot at him. "There will be no logic in her decision, Sarek. Perhaps you should _respect_ her choice no matter how much _you_ disagree with it. If she enters into the situation with full knowledge and understanding of the dangers, then there is no reason to hold her back other than _your own_ personal misgivings."

"You believe her to be correct in her decision?" he asked, standing and moving to the window, folding his arms over his chest as he looked out at the dark night beyond.

"I believe you both to be correct and yet in error," T'Shan replied curtly. "Neither is more right than the other. This is why you must discuss it yourselves- which you refuse to do. You will not even consider the possibility that she desires the correct path."

"How is it correct when she may _**die**_?" he asked coldly.

"How is it incorrect when both she and your child may _**live**_?" T'Shan countered. He said nothing to this, continuing to stare out the window.

T'Shan continued, her voice lowered.

"Perhaps you should consider _her_ reasoning instead of your own. I am no judge of who is right and who is wrong in this situation, Sarek. I leave you to dwell on that."

He looked back just in time to see her exit the office. As the door slid shut behind her, silence fell. He turned back to the window and stood there for a long time, T'Shan's words ringing in his mind...

_Should_ he allow Amanda to make that decision? The decision to endanger herself for their child's sake? He could see no reason for it. True, it was what she wanted...but what if she did not make it? The thought was as unbearable now as it had been a week ago.

Yet with a twinge of guilt he recalled that he'd told her he would support whatever decision she made. He had gone back on that promise. Faced with the reality of the situation, he had forgotten it. She was aware of the risks, he knew that...and she was equipped with the knowledge to make an informed decision. But he had rejected her choice. He _had_ acted just as illogically as she had. T'Shan was right about that much.

But he still could not quite bring himself to accept the decision. He knew how much she wanted a child. He knew he had no reason to object other than his fear of losing her. He also knew that there was a chance she _wouldn't_ have complications. And yet the probability of that was so low he could not reconcile himself to it, no matter how hard he tried...

Feeling heavy from the turmoil within him, Sarek turned toward the door. He could ponder this no longer. He must rest...and then he must report to the embassy the next day. As for Amanda...he did not know what he would do. But he was quickly tiring of this situation- of her silence and the tension between them.

He went upstairs and down the hallway toward their bedchamber. He slipped in quietly, removing his boots and tunic in silence while preparing for his usual two hours of rest.

***

As he slid into bed, his eyes took in her sleeping form. The sheets clung to her frame, outlining the sensual curves of her body. She was on her side, her back to him, her head resting on one arm while the other was tucked against her body. Her breathing was deep and even, her face peaceful...he raised one hand to move a tendril of hair that had fallen in front of her face. As he swept her hair back, his hand grazed her cheek and she stirred, turning just a bit- and at that moment her face was illuminated before him, bathed softly in the moonlight streaming through the window.

He felt his throat catch as he gazed upon the sleeping visage of she who was his wife. She truly was beautiful.

And it occurred to Sarek just then how much he missed her, and he felt an intense longing for everything to be well again. He wanted her to smile at him- to kiss him. He wanted to feel her cool skin against his...

Her eyelashes fluttered, and he froze for a moment at the thought she would wake up. Would she ask him to leave? Would she finally speak to him? Yell at him again?

But soon it became apparent she was still deeply asleep, only entering another stage of slumber. He recalled that this was the stage in which humans experienced dreams. Vulcans did not dream...he wondered what it would be like.

He settled back beside her, closing his eyes for his own rest. And as he entered his own stage of deep slumber, he did not notice that his wife had shifted closer to him so that their bodies touched...

_He stood on the balcony of their home, Vulcan's forge stretching wide and vast before him. He was anxious and nervous as he waited...though he remained outwardly calm, inside he __was tense..._

_ Suddenly a sound broke through the stillness of the day- jarring his thoughts and causing him to move quickly back inside...into the great hall and up the stairs as the sound grew stronger and closer still..._

_ Soon he found himself at the foot of his bed- their bed...his wife in front of him holding something in her arms... He paused. Felt himself hesitate- afraid to get too close..._

_ She turned to him, her face radiant though tired. But she smiled and summoned him closer. "Sarek...here..."_

_ He tentatively stepped closer to where she lay- and gazed down at her lovely face, worn with the stress her body had just endured. Suddenly, the bundle in her arms began to move, the blankets surrounding it shifting..._

_ And then he heard the sound that had brought him here._

_ It was high-pitched and strong...the blankets moving furiously now as its contents struggled to be seen..._

_ "Sarek...look."_

_ She extended the bundle out to him and he took it hesitantly, raising one hand to remove the covering. What he saw rocked his very soul as he found himself staring into the eyes of his wife on the face of a tiny, squealing infant with perfectly pointed ears..._

Sarek's eyes flew open, though he remained perfectly still. Amanda did not even stir...she had been unaware of his presence in her mind. He stared down at her, the image that he'd just seen burned into his mind's eye...perhaps forever. He knew what he had seen...it was what she wanted more than anything. A child. _Their_ child, that resembled him yet had her eyes...

And suddenly, he wanted it as much as she did. The yearning was almost painful- piercing through his soul to the very core of his being. He now understood why she was willing to brave complications to have such a child- to give it every possible chance to live. He knew how much she desired it because he now felt that desire himself. He'd _thought_ he wanted it before...but that was nothing compared to this. It was almost _agony_, this desire.

And despite his previous misgivings, he felt a crest of hope rising with him. Engulfing him, rising him upward...upward to the highest climes. He _wanted_ this child he saw in her dreams. He _wanted_ his wife to give it to him and for him to give it to her...

Rising onto his side, he moved to brush his fingers against her cheek. He leaned down closer to her face and whispered in her ear, "_Adun'a_...I understand now."

And he did. He understood that this child- this being, this _life- _was worth the risk. She knew this. She'd known it all along- had tried to tell him. But this was not something that could be explained. It must be _felt_.

She wanted to do this- for _him_. She wanted to give him this child...it was not only for herself. He knew this from the dream- it was more of a feeling than a thought, but he'd caught it. The child he'd seen was _theirs_. This revelation made him ache to speak to her- to kiss her. Instead, he drew her against him and buried his face in her hair.

He did not know how long he lay there with her in his arms. He was waiting for her to wake so he could tell her...hope and promise still welling up within him. There was a chance. _They_ had a chance. There would be risks...but the child was likely to live. So was she. How could he have thought otherwise, even for a moment?

"Sarek?" Her voice sounded groggy, still half-asleep. He looked down at her. He could feel her confusion from the skin contact.

"Yes, Amanda?" he asked.

"Why are you here?" she asked. She did not ask it as if she wanted him gone- but as if she were truly curious.

"I have had a revelation, _ashayam_," he said, using the name he so rarely used for her. A small smile appeared on her lips at this.

"What revelation?"

He was relieved that she was not asking him to leave. This meant she was no longer angry with him... He slid down so they were face-to-face and cupped her cheek with one hand.

"One of hope," he finally said, and kissed her. Although he did not say the words, she understood.

"You mean...we're going through with it?" she asked as he pulled away. He pressed his forehead against hers.

"Yes," he whispered. Tears welled up in her eyes and she pulled him closer, kissing him.

"Thank you," she whispered back, her arms tight around him as she kissed him yet again.

"I did say I would support your decision," he said quietly, gathering her even closer to him as they settled back down to resume their slumber.


	4. Decisions

**A/N: Okay, this replaces the old chapter 4, which is now chapter 5 but with major changes. Sorry it took so long to get these up- LadyFangs is currently busy at work so I'm working with two new betas, and we all wanted the rewrite done well. So there was a lot of changes, LOL.**

**But- at least I posted double chapters! :D**

**Chapter 4: Decisions**

Amanda sat in the silent living room, staring down at the PADD balanced on her knees and biting the tip of her stylus. Her eyes refused to focus as, in between stealing glances at the digital clock every few seconds, she read the same sentence over and over again....

It was already 1700 hours. Sarek would be home soon and after dinner they would sit down to talk- _really_ talk. They both knew this conversation needed to happen: they had to decide where they would go from here. They needed to discuss their argument. No matter how much she dreaded the prospect, it had to be done. For her, for Sarek... for their marriage.

They hadn't said more than a few words to each other since waking up that morning- but this time their reticence hadn't been due to tension. They had simply been content with each other's presence as they sat down to breakfast together for the first time in over a week.

The silence that had descended upon them was comfortable. Several times their eyes had met or their fingers had brushed while passing the decanter of _pla-savas_ juice, but they hadn't needed words to express their contentment and relief; it suffused the air, emanating from them like invisible beams of light. These small gestures were a silent affirmation of their détente.

T'Shan had stood against the wall, watching them from the shadows of the dining room. But they had hardly taken notice of her; they were too absorbed in their own peaceful meal. They concentrated instead on the occasional glances and light touches that were seemingly accidental and yet were not. Amanda hadn't even realized T'Shan was there until after Sarek left for the embassy- and then the Vulcan had done nothing more than nod at her in acknowledgment, her approval evident by her relaxed posture and the very faint quirking of her lips.

After that it had been a normal day. She had gone to the school, taught her classes, graded tests and homework... and then come home. Now she was supposed to be working on research for her master's degree- but her mind kept wandering back to Sarek and the conversation to come... and the reasons behind it.

Amanda shifted uncomfortably as she thought about the situation with her husband: their argument, the slap, the week of tense silence and avoiding each other... their relationship was a mess and she knew it was her fault. Her regret was a cold weight, settling in her chest- and she wondered if there was any way to alleviate it. Sarek may have already forgiven her- as was his way- but as for her forgiving _herself_....

"Lady Amanda?" came a voice from the doorway. Amanda jumped slightly, her PADD sliding off her lap and thumping against the carpeted floor. Leaning over to retrieve it, she glanced up at T'Shan.

"What do you need?" she asked, shoving a stray piece of hair out of her eyes and training her attention determinedly on the PADD screen again, her eyebrows drawing together. "Is Sarek home already? I didn't hear him come in."

"No, he has not returned," T'Shan replied. She then came further into the room to stand before Amanda, her hands folded before her as she looked upon the human.

"Then what is it?" Amanda asked. Sensing the Vulcan had something to say, she set the PADD with the unread text on the coffee table. "Sit down, T'Shan."

T'Shan paused before sitting stiffly in a chair across from Amanda. She rarely sat in her presence; Amanda assumed it was some rule about Vulcan servitude. Despite the friendship that had grown between them over the past year or so T'Shan still insisted on putting her role as servant before that of being a friend.

"My Lady, there is something I wish to discuss with you now that you have apparently reconciled with Sarek. I did not wish to mention it while you were in disagreement, but now I believe it is time. This is a delicate issue and I am sure that what I have to say will displease you. Yet I find it necessary to bring it to your attention."

"What is it?" Amanda asked, frowning. If T'Shan thought it was this important, it was probably something Amanda wouldn't like.

Without hesitation, T'Shan said; "My Lady, I believe you should reconsider the attempt to have a child at this time."

Amanda blinked, trying to process what she had just heard. Then she leaned forward, T'Shan's gaze still trained on her levelly.

"_What_?" she asked incredulously. "Sarek is finally on my side and now _you're_ against my decision?"

"I am not against it," T'Shan replied evenly. "I support the decision, even if you believe you should take a risk. That is your choice. But I do not believe you should attempt to conceive at this time. It would be unwise."

"Unwise?" Amanda repeated flatly. T'Shan bowed her head.

"You are balancing many roles as it is. If you add the responsibilities of rearing a child you would find yourself overwhelmed and unable to attend to the child to the best of your ability. You would have to forsake one of these roles or your child would suffer for it: your career, your duties as Sarek's wife, your advanced education. I know these are just as important to you. You should not put them aside for the sake of a child to which you have many years yet to give life."

Amanda took a deep breath to steady herself before she replied. "T'Shan, Sarek wants a baby too. _We_ want this. I know _I_ want it more than anything."

"Having a desire for it does not mean you are ready," T'Shan pointed out. "Under the current circumstances, it suggests you may have been reckless when making the decision."

"But we _are_ ready," Amanda insisted.

"Considering recent events, I think otherwise." T'Shan's voice was firm, her eyes hard. "The disagreement between you and Sarek indicates that your marriage is not ready for a child to be brought into it. Your _actions_ indicate that perhaps _you_ are not ready."

Amanda sat back, staring at her. T'Shan met her gaze calmly and without blinking.

"I say this as your friend," the Vulcan continued quietly. "You may _want_ a child, but there are many things to consider. I am unsure you have done so. You have been too hasty, too clouded by your own emotions. Do you truly believe you are ready- and mature enough- to become a mother? To set aside all that which you have worked for to bear and raise a child?"

Tearing her gaze away, Amanda looked down and bit her lip. She sensed movement out of the corner of her eye as T'Shan stood.

"The decision is yours, Lady Amanda. I ask that you consider what I have said. You should not allow this desire to interfere with your other responsibilities, or to harm either you or your marriage."

Amanda heard T'Shan's soft footsteps against the carpet, and then the door opening and closing. Silence descended upon the living room once more. Swallowing back tears, she crossed her arms over her chest, staring up at the ceiling with her head resting against the back of the sofa.

T'Shan's words came back to her, echoing in her mind as her eyes drifted closed.

_ "The disagreement between you and Sarek indicates that your marriage is not ready for a child to be brought into it. Your _actions_ indicate that perhaps _you_ are not ready."_

The words brought forth a memory, unbidden and unwanted:

_ Sarek was looking down at her as her palm still stung, not even blinking after she had struck him. The faint green outline of her hand slowly appeared on his cheek as she sensed his incredulity and pain- _emotional_ pain- even though the link was closed... and instead of feeling guilty as she should have, she'd felt... satisfied._

Flexing her fingers, Amanda winced with guilt at the memory. She had raised a hand to him- something he would never, ever do to her, had not done even in the throes of the _plak tow_. She had melded with him enough times to become attuned to him even without the link- and she knew she'd hurt him. And instead of trying to understand his motivations for refusing, she had reacted emotionally- _childishly_- to his concerns. She hadn't even considered discussing it- and _that_ wasn't a sign of a marriage ready for the stresses of parenthood. She'd thought their marriage was strong... but the truth was, they still had a long way to go.

Sighing and rubbing the heels of her hands over her eyes, Amanda sank back into the cushions of the divan. She wanted a family; she'd been certain she could handle it all. But now she was starting to wonder... _could_ she? Or was T'Shan correct, yet again, in believing everything else would suffer? _Was_ she making this decision too hastily?

Amanda heard familiar footsteps in the entrance hall outside and sat up straight on the sofa. Time was running out. Sarek was home and before she knew it they would be sitting down for their discussion. When that happened, she wanted this to be figured out.

She needed to consider other things besides her desire for a child. She was hardly ever at home as it was- and her marriage was currently a mess. A baby was the last thing she- or they- needed. It didn't matter that the thought of waiting created an ache within her that was almost physical. She couldn't afford to rush into motherhood. She had a degree to earn- a job to keep- and a husband to whom she had other duties.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Amanda stood and moved towards the door leading into the entrance hall. As painful as it was for her to admit it- T'Shan was right. Amanda was not ready for motherhood. It didn't matter that the realization left her heavy with disappointment; she had to make the best choice for her and her marriage.

For once, she had to make a logical decision.


	5. Making Peace

**A/N: If you missed the author's note I posted a week ago, and skipped the chapter 4 alert in your email, I just want to tell you to go back to chapter 4 and read it, because I am going in a different direction with this story and replaced the former chapter 4 with a new one. I rewrote the former chapter 4, and it is now this chapter (5). I hope no one is confused, LOL.**

**Anyway- rewriting was a pain in my butt and I'm glad that I'm finally done with damage control. On with the story! And I hope you enjoy the changes....**

**Chapter 5: Making Peace**

Amanda approached the bedroom somewhat tentatively after dinner that night. She had been nervous all day, but now her stomach felt as if it were twisted into knots.

Now that the time for their conversation had actually arrived, part of her wished it hadn't- no matter how necessary it was. There was little need to be so anxious, she knew that; Sarek was her _husband_. But this was the first time they would sit down and talk since that heated argument- since she'd slapped him.

Amanda's bare feet padded silently on the marble floor as, stomach churning, she took the final few steps to the door. Pausing before it, she hugged her arms around herself. She knew she had things to apologize for- explanations to make, no matter how weak they were- and she knew it was important for the both of them to do this. And there were so many unanswered questions....

For one thing, she had no idea what had made him change his mind. After a week of nothing but silence between them- and neither attempting to break it- waking up to find him holding her had been confusing. He'd seemed... different. Yet she couldn't figure out just what it was about him that had changed.

When he'd awakened her in the early hours of morning, she had sensed strong emotions over the weak link created through their skin contact; hope and affection. But what had brought them on? As relieved as she was that there was peace between them again, she was still confused. She hadn't thought _anything_ could make him budge from his position. And yet he had relented, and she had done nothing to sway him. He had come to the decision on his own.

Amanda knew Sarek well enough to know he did not change his mind easily. _Something_ must have influenced him to suddenly favor her decision. He had been dead-set against it before, and with good reason. But now....

Despite the tightness in her chest, Amanda took a deep breath and went through the door, into the spacious chambers beyond which she shared with her husband.

Usually Sarek was still in his office at this time, but tonight he had cut short his work for this. He was waiting for her on the divan, sitting calmly with his hands resting on his thighs as he watched her approach. His expression was as unreadable as always.

At the sight of him, the nervousness dissipated enough so she no longer felt queasy. She went to the divan to sit beside him- close enough so that she could feel the heat rolling off his body but not quite close enough to touch. They did not look at each other; instead they looked down at the floor as they gathered their thoughts. There was a silence for almost a full minute before he began to speak.

"Amanda..." Sarek began, but she shook her head to stop him.

"No, I should go first," she said, her voice low. She paused for a moment before taking a deep breath, her chest feeling tight once more. "I'm sorry for getting so angry. For yelling at you when you were only protecting me. But even more than that.... I'm so, so sorry for hitting you." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke. "I don't have words to describe how regretful I am about that."

There was a pause; but then his deep, soothing voice came again.

"You have long since been forgiven," he said quietly. "You were highly emotional at the time and not thinking rationally. You lashed out by instinct. Had you been in control of yourself I know you would not have done such a thing."

She looked up at him; his dark eyes met hers easily.

"Is it really so easy for you to forgive me?" she asked softly.

"You expressed your regret and I do not need the bond open to know it is genuine. It would be illogical to not forgive you," he replied simply.

Giving him a weak smile, she looked away.

"I know I overreacted. It-_I-_ was wrong. But Sarek... when you refused my choice and I thought I wouldn't get a chance, I just... _snapped_. I wasn't right. I know that. And I understand that you were only concerned about me, but-"

She looked up, her eyes meeting his again in a silent plea for understanding.

"I couldn't bear the thought of putting our child through such a risk after..." Her voice trailed off and she took another deep, shaky breath, letting it out slowly.

The air became heavy with the unspoken grief of losing their first child. Amanda closed her eyes as she tried to stem the waves of sorrow and pain that welled up within her. A shiver ran through her body as she remembered that long ago night; the horrid realization of what was happening to her, the bleeding and cramps she had attributed to a heavy menstrual period but which were actually her child slipping away from her... the helplessness she'd felt as she was unable to stop it, and the deep pangs of remaining agony that were so poignant they were almost physical....

A warm hand closed over hers where it rested by her side on the divan. Through the weak contact link she felt the same overwhelming hope she'd felt that morning. It was enough to soothe away the pain. To calm the tides of tempestuous emotions rising within her.

She leaned into the touch as he spoke, his voice low and soft. "I _do_ understand."

His hand tightened over hers and she stroked the side of it with her thumb. She knew he understood. He'd been in just as much pain as she.

They sat in silence for a few moments, and then she squeezed his hand. "What made you change your mind?" she asked. "You have every reason to be worried, yet you relented."

His eyes met hers again and she held the gaze as he responded.

"Do you remember your dreams, Amanda?"

"Sometimes," she replied cautiously, wondering what this had to do with the conversation at hand.

"Do you recall what you dreamed last night?" he asked.

"No..." She tilted her head, confused. "Why?"

"While we slept you touched me. I witnessed your dream, and you dreamt of us. We had a child; a healthy half-Vulcan, half-human infant. I... cannot describe the effect it had on me." His eyes were warm as he said this, his voice low and tinged with... wonder.

Unexpected tears welled up in her eyes at this. This dream that she could not even remember had given him hope; that was what he'd needed all along. He wanted it as much as she did... and yet she now had to tell him what she had decided after her conversation with T'Shan. Suddenly the prospect was even more undesirable than before.

"Amanda?" His quiet voice brought her out of her thoughts and she brushed away the tears before they could fall.

Swallowing, she tried to maintain her composure. He seemed puzzled by this reaction as he continued to look at her, his concern flowing through the link created by their hands and into her.

When she spoke her voice trembled slightly with the force of the emotions within her. "Sarek... y-you shouldn't have to put up with me when I go off on one of my emotional tangents. It's not fair to you for me to react like that," she said.

"Yet I do handle it. Quite often, and it has become easier," he replied, his eyes full of tenderness as they looked at her. "You should not have to apologize for it. It is part of who you are and I would be disappointed if you were any other way. I did not marry a Vulcan and I was well aware of this fact at the time."

"Even though I can be hard to handle sometimes." Her lips twitched into a small smile.

"You endure difficulties with my own doctrine often," he pointed out, and she nodded. "With our differences, it is inevitable that we will disagree."

"I would prefer that we not disagree at _all_," she said flatly.

"As would I. But as I said, it is sometimes inevitable."

"But that gives me no right to act the way I did," she insisted.

"No," he agreed. "But neither does it condemn you. An emotional reaction from an emotional being should be expected."

"The _point_ is that you were right and I reacted negatively."

"We were both right," Sarek corrected. "But each of us presented our arguments incorrectly and without regard for the other's ideologies."

There was another short silence, during which they simply looked at each other, eyes gentle and searching. The emotions he transmitted to her were comforting and calming, and she felt herself relaxing, her emotional barriers becoming stronger. Then she spoke again, breaking the stillness in the air.

"A year into this marriage and we're still trying to work everything out," she said with a sad smile.

"Did you believe a year would be sufficient time?" he asked. She shook her head slowly.

"No. I guess I didn't. But sometimes it's easy to fool myself into believing otherwise," she admitted. Then she paused, frowning down at the floor before continuing. "Do you think there will ever be a time when we _don't_ have these issues?"

"Amanda, I am Vulcan and you are human. I believe that is answer enough," he replied gently. Neither spoke for a moment and she felt his eyes on her. Finally looking up to meet them, she gazed into the fathomless black depths of his affectionate gaze and felt her resolve strengthen.

Turning her hand in his, she laced their fingers together. "I don't want any more of these arguments and I know they're my fault," she said. "If I had better control over myself it would be easier to resolve our conflicts."

"Unfortunately, when you are emotional reasoning is unavailable."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "I know. But I'm going to try to approach situations differently for now on. I'm going to need your help with that, my _adun_."

"I believe it will be a challenge, but I accept." The corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

As Amanda smiled again Sarek's hand tightened around hers. He pulled her forward, lifting her so she was straddling him, his hot breath mingling with hers as he kissed her. She would be more than pleased to lose herself in his touch... but she knew she couldn't. Not yet. She still had something to tell him that was of great importance....

When she drew away from his warm lips he looked up at her quizzically.

"What is wrong?" he asked. She sighed, sliding off his lap and facing forward again, arms crossed over her chest.

"There's something I have to tell you," she said, not looking at him as the dread once more built up within her, making her stomach clench. "I've been thinking and..." She bit her lip. This was harder than she thought it would be. Saying it out loud would make it official; there would be no turning back.

"There is no need to hesitate, Amanda," Sarek said gently. She nodded slowly.

"I know. It's just..." She stopped and took a deep, steadying breath. "This was a hard decision to make. I know it's the right one, given the circumstances... but it hurts because I really wanted..." Amanda pressed her lips together and looked down, unable to finish the thought.

She felt two warm fingers underneath her chin, and her face was lifted towards Sarek's, her eyes forced to meet his once more.

"Speak your mind, _adun'a_. What is wrong?" he asked, his thumb caressing the corner of her mouth. Her breath whooshed out of her. His dark eyes gave her the courage she needed, and she did not look away from them as she replied.

"I know this whole argument was about my decision to have a baby. I was impatient. But after considering everything..." She closed her eyes briefly to steel herself before opening them again. "I think we should wait."

As she said this she experienced a sinking feeling in her gut. The words were out and there was no taking them back. A deep ache began to throb in her chest, burning its way up to her throat. She swallowed in an attempt to force it away, but it only remained; growing stronger.

Sarek's eyes searched hers, two fingers still under her chin so she could not look away. Then she felt him nudge her mind across the link, and she let him in for the first time in a week.

"This decision pains you," he said quietly as he felt the painful, tangled emotions within her. She nodded, feeling tears prick at her eyelids but keeping them at bay.

"Yes. But it's the right one. I know it is," she replied softly. "I have too much going on as it is. And this argument we had... it just proves we're not ready. That _I'm_ not. Which is why I think we should wait. We have plenty of time to start a family."

It hurt her to say it, and the pain in her chest intensified. When he felt it Sarek reached out and drew her against him.

"Then we will pursue the matter again when we decide that we are ready," he said into her hair. He sent her _calm_ over the link and she sighed against him, eyes slipping closed. "I am in agreement that the current situation is... less than ideal."

"So you're not upset that I changed my mind? That I brought troubles into our marriage over nothing?" she asked, drawing away slightly to look up at him.

"These 'troubles' have only been brought to our attention sooner than they would have been otherwise. And I cannot fault you for coming to this conclusion. It is a _rational_ decision and I am relieved you have reconsidered, even if it was desirable for us both to take the alternative route."

She looked up at him sadly, her fingers clutching at the cloth of his robes. "I do still want it. Just not right now."

"It is a good thing that you have set aside your desires, Amanda," Sarek assured her, drawing her closer again. "This is not a light decision to make. Emotions can only complicate it and make you forget that there are more important things. This is precisely why Vulcans do not allow feelings to influence their decisions."

"I know," she replied quietly. She closed her eyes again and sighed against his chest, letting him soothe away the ache within her.

It was the right decision- but logic hurt.


	6. Distraction

**A/N: If you haven't already, you really need to go back and read the rewritten chapters 4 and 5. :)**

**Chapter 6: Distraction**

Sarek rarely took the time to observe the scenery.

The newly completed Vulcan embassy was situated at the top of a hill near the center of the metropolis; its location afforded magnificent views of San Francisco. Tall skyscrapers loomed, glittering and jutting sharply into the sky; smaller, older buildings nestled between them. Beyond the business district were residences, much smaller than the nearer buildings but still visible to one with keen eyesight. And beyond the houses was the Bay, sparkling as the sun cast its glow on the cresting waves.

As he stood before the single wide window in his office, the glass reflected his image like a ghost in the dying rays of afternoon light. His arms were folded over his chest as he gazed upon the city below, silently contemplative with the smallest of frowns tugging at the corners of his lips.

This was the first thing even remotely resembling a break he'd had all day. Not that he minded of course; as a rule, he avoided idleness. Yet after spending nearly eight hours drawing up treaties, turning down or accepting invitations, scheduling or attending meetings, and negotiating diplomatic squabbles... perhaps a few minutes of rest was warranted.

Even as he thought this, a PADD chirped on his desk to signal an incoming message. Turning away from the window after only two point four minutes of "rest," he sat once more at his desk and pulled the PADD toward him.

_An ambassador's work never ends_, he thought to himself as his sharp black eyes scanned the messages. It was a rather human thing to think, and illogical to use such a word as "never," but his duties did seem to be ceaseless at times.

As he looked down the list of memos, invitations and complaints, one message caught his eye. A red icon blinked beside the title, marking it as urgent. Curiosity piqued and eyebrows risen, he skipped past the others, forsaking his usual habit of reading in chronological order.

With each line of text he read, his eyebrows drew closer together. When he reached the end of the document he set the PADD aside, folding his hands before him as he stared off at a point on the wall across from him.

_Interesting_, he thought. It was very short notice, but he had available time on his schedule and he saw no reason not to go... and surely Amanda would wish to accompany him....

Standing, Sarek went to the window once more. His eyes sought out the same red brick building in the distance he had been looking at minutes previously; it was the school where Amanda worked.

As he thought about his wife, Sarek exhaled more forcefully than usual, folding his arms over his chest again. The situation between Amanda and himself was precarious at best; it had been six weeks since their decision to wait for parenthood, and during those six weeks she had become increasingly busy.

With every week that passed he saw less and less of her. It had come to a point when he only saw her briefly in the mornings and when she went to bed. She was always asleep within minutes, and when she awakened in the morning she was gone almost immediately, rushing to the shower and quickly consuming breakfast before leaving. She even devoted weekends to her research now; the time which they used to spend cozied up together in their bedchamber or sitting in the living room to read and converse was now spent in her office.

When he did see her, something in her demeanor seemed different. She was not quite as affectionate as she usually was, but he could attribute that to exhaustion. She still spoke to him, still slept curled against his body, still kissed him goodnight and goodbye in the morning, as was her habit... but she had not displayed even a fraction of her usual inclination for intimate contact. He did not base his personal contentment on their sexual relations, but he did desire to feel her cool skin against his again; for reassurance if not for physical pleasure.

Sarek's frown deepened. He knew he should not allow her suddenly increased attention to her work to disturb him- yet it did. Somehow the idea that she would rather work than see him... unsettled him. It was selfish but no less true. And in response to her absence, he had recently begun to work longer hours as well....

Part of him was beginning to wonder if she was avoiding him, and his shoulders tensed at the thought, his eyes no longer focused on the distant school building. He was unsure why she would do such a thing, but the idea was a painful one. He knew she had responsibilities- but so did he, and _he_ had always made a point of spending time with her.

Taking a deep breath to center himself, Sarek thought instead about the message he had just received. He would go, of course, and she would as well. Her presence was required.

Then it occurred to him that perhaps this invitation was precisely what they needed.

He turned back to his desk, picking up the PADD to forward the message to his wife's electronic address. Once that was done, he turned to his carrying case and began to pack away the stacks of PADDs.

He had personal matters to attend to and his current work could wait.

* * *

The classroom was nearly silent as the normally unruly ten-year-olds shifted in their seats, eyes trained on their mathematics test. The only sounds were those of the chairs creaking and the collective breathing of twenty children; it was as peaceful as the classroom had ever been.

Amanda focused on the PADDs before her, one of which displayed the text of an ancient Vulcan document; the other she used to take notes. Her eyes flitted back and forth between the two as she worked to gather factual references for her thesis on cultural comparisons between humans and Vulcans. She worked on it at every available moment, and was beginning to make excellent progress....

She was in the middle of reading a very interesting (and extremely rare) passage about the evolutionary need for Pon Farr when her PADD beeped, alerting her to a new message. Tearing her eyes away from the riveting text, she turned reluctantly to the other PADD and brought up the message screen.

One eyebrow rose as she recognized the electronic address. Sarek rarely sent her anything via email- in fact, she couldn't recall the last time he had done so. With rising curiosity, she opened the attached document.

She hadn't even gotten past the first line when the school-wide intercom chimed, signaling the end of class. Relieved sighs filled the air as the children slid out of their seats and filed towards the door, piling their PADDs on her desk as they went past.

"I hate math," one of the boys muttered. "When I'm an adult, I'll never do another math problem again."

"When I'm Federation president I'm going to outlaw it," a girl walking behind him declared.

"Someone has to do it, you Klingon!" the boy snapped.

"That's what computers are for, dummy!" the girl shot back. "And don't call me a Klingon- that's a bad word!"

"Children," Amanda said, setting aside the PADD and looking at them sternly while she fought back a smile. "No name-calling. And hurry up before you miss the shuttle."

"Yes, Mrs. Grayson," they chimed in unison before rushing out the door and continuing their spat in the corridor.

"You got us in trouble!" the boy accused.

"Did not- you did!" the girl fussed.

Amanda shook her head, chuckling to herself as she began to gather the PADDs and put them in her bag. She remembered when she and her sister had had similar arguments.

As their voices faded away, the boy said something and the girl laughed, the sound sweet and clear as it echoed back to her. And despite her best efforts to suppress it, a pang shot through her. While she knew a half-Vulcan child would not laugh, the sound still reminded her of what she could not yet have. And at this thought, her chuckles subsided and her smile disappeared.

It wasn't easy to be around children all day, considering recent events. She wondered how long it would be before she had a son or daughter of her own. The decision to wait, while wise and perfectly logical, was still a torturous one- even six weeks after the choice had been made.

Exhausted from a day of research, grading and teaching, Amanda shoved these thoughts away and slung the heavy PADD-filled bag over her shoulder. She headed for the door, already looking forward to getting her work done and finally crawling into bed.

Sarek usually worked at least until dinnertime- she was accustomed to that, although lately he hadn't been coming home until well after dark. So when she pulled into the driveway ten minutes later and saw his hover-car parked at the entrance- at only 1600 hours- she was both pleasantly surprised and confused.

Staring at the sleek black vehicle, she made her way up the steps to the doors. They slid open at her command, and when she stepped into the warm entrance hall she noted that the door to the living room stood open. Perplexed, she headed towards it, adjusting the strap of the bag on her shoulder as she entered.

Her husband was seated in a chair, but stood as Amanda entered the room. She realized with a jolt that it had been several days since she'd even seen him for longer than a few minutes in the morning and evening....

"Sarek? Why are you home so early?" she asked, frowning. "Is something wrong?"

"Not wrong, no," he replied.

Still confused, she readjusted the bag on her shoulder, which was starting to ache. At this he came forward, about to take the bag from her- but she waved him off and set it on a nearby table before he could. There were times when she appreciated his chivalry- but this was not one of those times. He never came home early for no reason and she wanted an explanation.

She stood looking at him for a moment without saying a word, and it was several seconds before he spoke again. "Did you receive my message?" he asked.

Realizing that there was tension in the air between them again, Amanda shifted her weight onto one foot and bit her lip. She looked down as she wondered what she had done to make him so stiff and formal. He stood five feet away from her with his hands at his sides, his back straighter than usual and his face the stoniest she had seen it in over a month.

"I did, but I didn't get a chance to read it," she replied. "Sarek? What is it?" she asked hesitantly. Her question seemed to ease some of his stiffness and she watched the tension leave his shoulders.

"There is nothing to be concerned about," he replied.

"Then what was in the message?" she asked.

"A Betazoid ambassador is being wedded in two days. All Federation diplomats were invited and encouraged to attend; however, there was a technical issue that prevented the notices from being sent out."

"What does this have to do with us?" Her eyebrows furrowed.

"I must attend," he replied simply. "I have nothing of importance scheduled for the time period required."

"Then why are you telling _me_?"

"Amanda..." Sarek hesitated, as if he wanted to say something and then changed his mind. "You have been working diligently the past six weeks. Perhaps you require a period of rest and relaxation."

Amanda eyed her husband suspiciously. He did not usually suggest vacations; they were illogical.

"Maybe I don't," she countered. "I'm fine. I just need to finish this research and write my thesis. That, on top of my classes and grading and..." She faltered as Sarek stiffened again.

His eyes did not leave her face, but suddenly they looked blank; he was masking his emotions from her. She considered tapping into the link, which had only been open a handful of times over the past several weeks, but decided not to.

"What's wrong?" she asked instead.

"It is of little importance," he replied a little too quickly.

"Sarek," she sighed, "don't give me that. What did I say?"

His gaze lost some of its hardness as he looked at her again. "Perhaps this is also a chance for us to mend our own problems, Amanda," he said quietly.

She blinked and unconsciously crossed her arms, as if defending herself from an unseen adversary. "What problems?" she asked.

"You are aware that I do not appreciate it when you avoid issues, or when you pretend to be ignorant of what I am talking about," Sarek said, and she thought she detected the faint traces of annoyance in his tone. "You also promised, less than six weeks ago, to approach matters differently and to discuss our problems. Yet you have been distancing yourself from me ever since we made the decision to wait before attempting another pregnancy."

Amanda shifted uncomfortably. This wasn't entirely true; she wasn't avoiding _him._ Throwing herself into her work distracted her from the disappointing decision she herself had made.

"My work may not be as important as an ambassador's, but it's still important to _me_." Her tone was even and controlled, but it only thinly veiled her indignation. "You're busy all the time too, Sarek. _Neither_ of us is ever home. I'm not distancing myself from you, I'm just busy."

"It is true that we both work long hours," he allowed. "But before, we always set time aside on the weekends. That was a concession I made for you when you first expressed a wish to see me more often. Yet these past few weekends you have been finding reasons to be away."

Amanda opened her mouth to try to refute this, but words failed her. It was true that she had been away... she'd gone to a two-day seminar in New York one weekend, and spent another studying with friends for midterm exams... and she _was_ spending a lot of her free time researching....

"None of that was an attempt to _avoid_ you," Amanda said. "Did you think it was?"

"Perhaps it was not," he said, but at her words his posture relaxed once more. "Yet your actions indicated that you did not wish to see me."

Amanda hadn't stopped to think how her change of behavior would appear to him, and guilt spiked through her again. Had he _really_ thought she was avoiding him?

"Sarek, it wasn't my intention to make you think that," she said quietly.

His eyes searched her face and she looked up at him, willing him to see the honesty of her words in her features. When he spoke again, his voice was as gentle as his eyes had become.

"It is clear that you are still upset over our decision and are now relieving it by overexerting herself," he said. "Perhaps a few days together will be enough to lessen your distress. Come with me to Betazed. We will only be gone three days."

"I don't know." Amanda finally looked away as she sighed, rubbing her forehead. "It's the middle of the week. I don't know if I can get leave from work so suddenly, and I have classes to attend, my thesis to work on..."

"I have already contacted the school. They will grant you leave," Sarek assured her. Amanda blinked, and her eyebrows drew together again.

"Sarek, we discussed this when we first came to Earth," she said, voice hardening. "You can't just interfere at my place of work. I don't like it. It makes me feel like my employers only keep me around because of who _you_ are. I can't live in your shadow forever; I want a section of my life to be uninfluenced by you. That's the _point_ of having a career of my own."

"This was an exceptional circumstance," he replied.

"How so? You're only asking me if I'll go on a three-day vacation, and that's not an emergency!" she retorted, placing her hands on her hips and glaring up at him. "A vacation I really don't need, by the way, but am only considering so I have time with you."

"My presence is required at the ceremony," Sarek said slowly, "and on Betazed, mated couples attend wedding ceremonies together. If I must be there, so must you."

"Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" she asked, throwing her hands up in the air and raising her eyes heavenward. "Why didn't you just _tell_ me my presence was required?"

"Because the fact that our presence is required is not my primary reason for asking you to accompany me," he replied, his voice low. "I believe this to be an excellent opportunity to continue the mending of our relationship, unimpeded by work and rigorous schedules. I have already secured your time off, and your coursework can be completed at any time. Also, it will not harm your research to delay it a few days."

"I can at least work on my thesis!" she protested. "I'm almost done gathering my material- I'm finally getting somewhere with it!"

"No, Amanda," he said calmly. "No work. I shall be subject to the same rule. My aides are capable of handling my affairs until my return."

A flame of indignation flared within her, and she glared at him again. "There's no reason to delay my work. There should be plenty of time to work on it while we're there, and I need to get it done."

"Do you not believe that our marriage is also important?" he asked. "I, too, have important work- but I am setting it aside."

Amanda continued to glare up at him, but he met her gaze unwaveringly. After several silent seconds, her features gradually softened and she sighed in resignation, dropping her eyes from his.

"Fine. I'll go." Her voice was gentler than before as she felt her irritation dwindling.

Sarek stepped closer to her and touched her for the first time since she'd walked into the room, placing his hands on her upper arms. She felt the heat of his skin through the sleeves of her blouse and leaned slightly into the touch, inhaling his clean scent of natural, masculine musk.

"We will leave tomorrow," he said, his voice tinged with the relief she now felt as he opened the bond, flooding her with gratefulness and affection. "I must finish my current work this evening."

With that, the warm hands were gone and he was heading away from her, through the doorway and down the hall to his office.

Amanda did not move for a moment, instead staring blankly at the doorway before finally sitting down on the sofa and tugging the bag of PADDs toward her. She had a lot of work to get done if she was to go to Betazed....

And she knew he was right. They needed this. She had been working too much- neglecting their marriage despite her promise, and Sarek was obviously bothered by it. Perhaps a few days of rest would do her- and them- some good.

A break was exactly what they needed.


	7. Sanctity

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but here's the next chapter!**

**And thanks to everyone at STCC for your input. :D**

**Chapter 7: Sanctity**

Amanda's journey with Sarek from Earth to Betazed was much like the others they had taken off-planet: stretching on seemingly forever, to the point where she wanted to tear her hair out. Sarek had at least accepted her need to work on research during the trip, but this would be her last opportunity. He had already informed her that once they arrived on Betazed all work-related pursuits would be prohibited. While she didn't particularly like this, she did have to admire his determination to stand by his decision.

Throughout the transport ride, Sarek was immersed in his news journals and Amanda balanced her PADD on her knees- trying to concentrate despite the constant humming of the engines and the vibration of her seat. Neither of them spoke much, and when they did their conversation was limited to a few words pertaining to the material each was reading. Occasionally, they exchanged PADDs to peruse an article or passage one or the other pointed out. It was a comfortable arrangement, and it was the way they always passed the time on these long voyages.

She already couldn't wait for this "vacation" to be over, and it hadn't even started. It might have been selfish, considering Sarek's reasoning behind dragging her along, but it was true. She had grown to dislike the idea of idleness- a trait she must have picked up from him- and she was _so close _to finally finishing her research and starting the actual writing of her thesis... She disliked being torn away from her work, even for just a few days, but... they _did_ need this time together.

At last, they were docking and Amanda reluctantly stored away her PADD and stylus in their carrying case. After the usual disembarking procedures, they beamed down to Rixx, the capital city of Betazed.

They reached their diplomatic suite at the hotel after a ten-minute hover car ride. Amanda set down her bag as she looked around their suite. She took in the light, airy chambers and finally felt herself begin to relax- truly relax- for the first time in a long time. The furniture and decor were light-colored: tans and whites and pastels with intricately worked designs. The living room of the suite held a computer console, as well as chairs and a sofa covered with a strange silver material that felt as smooth as water when she ran her hand along the back.

A large four-poster bed, draped with sheer hangings and piled with plump, silk pillows stood in the bedroom. Crushed flower petals were sprinkled on a cream-colored duvet embroidered with golden designs. Through the archway that led into the marble-floored bathroom, she glimpsed a tub large enough to hold the two of them. And, placed in strategic points in each room, were large vases full of freshly-picked exotic flowers of every color and shape imaginable. They perfumed the air with their mingled fragrances; from spicy to delicately sweet scents that were almost cloying.

Amanda was used to luxurious accommodations when traveling with her husband, but these were quite possibly the loveliest she had seen in terms of understated elegance and comfort. As Sarek set their luggage down and began to unpack, she went to the double doors across from the bed, swinging them open to reveal a balcony and letting in a slight breeze that made the sheer white curtains hanging around the doors flutter.

She sighed in pleasure at the view. Rixx was situated on the shores of Lake Cataria, and from here she could see the pink clouds of Betazed reflected in the sparkling blue water. In the distance, far beyond the lake, the peaks of a mountain range jutted up into the sky. Their crystal peaks shimmered in the dying afternoon light that was just beginning to streak the sky with the golds, reds and pinks of sunset. Just below the hotel were the graceful white marble buildings that served as homes and businesses, as well as places for philosophical study- for which Betazed was famous.

The humid, almost-tropical air was heavy with the scent of Betazoid flowers from gardens all over the city. Amanda inhaled the aromas deeply as she said to herself, "Axana didn't lie all those times she told me Betazed was beautiful."

As she leaned against the door frame, she looked over her shoulder at Sarek. He had stopped in his unpacking, eyes fixed on her instead. She tried to imagine what it was he saw and was so distracted by; her hair was down around her shoulders, perhaps the fading sun filtering through the pink clouds painted her in rosy light....

"Betazoids value blunt honesty, perhaps even more than Vulcans," Sarek said, tearing his eyes away and resuming his unpacking. "She could not have lied."

She turned her back to the balcony and faced him. "A human oddity of stating the obvious, Sarek," she explained with a smile.

It was the first real smile she had given him in weeks, and she saw the tension in Sarek's shoulders melt away- tension she hadn't even realized was there. He straightened from the bags and came to her, placing his hands on her waist and drawing her closer so she had to crane her neck to look up at him. "What shall we do while we are here, my _adun'a_?" he asked.

"Well..." She slid her hands up his abdomen and rested them against his chest. "I can think of a thing or two."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. "And what are they?" he asked. His voice was low, suggestive.

"I want to see the city a bit. Rixx is said to have beautiful gardens- and there's a museum nearby I'd like to visit."

Amanda felt his muscles tense under her hands. He pulled away from her, a faint frown appearing on his lips. "I see," he said, his tone even flatter than usual. What little emotion he had displayed in his black eyes disappeared.

"What did I say?" she asked, bewildered by his reaction.

But just as Sarek opened his mouth to answer her the comm unit chimed. He looked over her head at the console in the living room, then returned his attention to her. His calculating eyes rested on her for a moment, as if debating something, but then he drew away from her. "Accept call," he said, stepping around his wife.

Amanda watched him go with a frown of her own, arms folded over her chest. She wondered what she could have even _possibly_ said wrong this time....

"Ambassador Sarek," said the hotel's concierge with a polite nod. Amanda started to close the doors that led into the living room to leave them alone, but the Betazoid addressed her before she could. "And the lovely Mrs. Grayson."

She stepped into the room with a strained smile. "Good evening," she said.

"One of our ambassadors is here to see you, Madam... she says you will know who she is," the concierge said.

"Axana." Amanda's smile widened. "I'll be down in a minute."

The concierge signed off, and Amanda started for the door. But, before she could reach it, Sarek took three long strides and appeared at her side, hot fingers closing around her wrist to turn her back to him.

"Amanda, there are still certain aspects of our marriage that are not... back to normal," he began.

"Sarek, we'll discuss this later," Amanda said, drawing her arm away from his. "But right now, Axana's waiting for me. Wouldn't it be bad for Betazoid relations if I kept her waiting?"

She was smiling at him, but his expression was just as stony as it had been the day before.

"Amanda-"

"I'll be back in half an hour at most," she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him quickly. His lips did not move against hers, but she didn't notice as she backed towards the door. "We'll talk then, okay?"

"Very well," he said coldly, and turned to head back into the bedroom to finish unpacking.

Biting her lip, Amanda stood uncertainly in the doorway for a moment. Whatever he had to say seemed important to him. _But_... Axana was waiting, and she wouldn't be gone long. He could wait thirty minutes....

In the end, still feeling uneasy, she turned and headed into the hall. She didn't like walking out on him like this, but she would be back soon. _Then_ she could find out what was bothering him....

She found the Betazoid waiting for her in the lobby and greeted her with a smile. "Axana. You arrived quickly."

"I asked the docking station to alert me when you arrived. Finally, after months of inviting you, you have _finally_ come to my planet!" Axana beamed at her, obviously pleased to see her.

"I have," Amanda said distractedly, still thinking about Sarek and his odd behavior....

"And it took my sister's wedding to bring you here," Axana continued, turning towards the entrance and leading her outside to the hotel's gardens.

"Your sister?" Amanda asked. "I didn't realize you and Ambassador Elbrun are related."

"We are. Elbrun is what humans call my 'maiden name'," Axana explained as they stepped onto a brick pathway that led between tall banks of Betazoid ferns. "Zutara followed me into the diplomatic field after I was assigned to Earth. When she was given the ambassadorship to Bajor I was immensely pleased."

"Well, Betazed is lovely from what I've seen of it," Amanda said, glancing around at the assortment of exotic flowerbeds, trees, and bushes that adorned the walkway.

"Thank you," Axana replied. There was a silence between them, the only sounds those of their shoes against the stone and the whispers of Axana's long robe as it trailed against the ground. When she spoke again, her voice was lower. "You are projecting. Something is making you anxious. Did you and Sarek ever discuss what was bothering you?"

"Of course we did! That was _weeks_ ago," she replied. And, deciding she would rather not talk about the baby issue, she attempted to change the subject. "So what is there to do on Betazed?"

Axana wasn't having it. "Then this is a new issue. Your discomfort radiates from you strongly."

Amanda sighed, knowing the telepath wouldn't let her off so easily. "Sarek forced me to come here. And not just for the wedding. We're having... problems."

"With your marriage?" Axana asked. She stopped in the middle of the path and turned to face her companion. "I understand why humans have marital problems. Their lack of telepathy must be frustrating. But _you_ are bonded to a Vulcan- you have access to one another's thoughts and feelings. Surely this makes it easier to coexist and resolve disagreements?"

"Not always," Amanda admitted. She paused, looking up at the purple leaves of a nearby tree. "The problem is me, Axana. We're working on it."

"Then why are you down here, talking to me?" Axana asked impatiently. "Do humans not realize the sanctity of marriage supercedes all else? Including the importance of friends?"

"I saw no reason why I couldn't take a few minutes to talk to you," Amanda said.

Axana pursed her lips. "Go back to your husband. _That_ is where you belong right now. He and the state of your marriage take precedence over me, and I would not have come today had I known the real reason behind your presence here. I will see you at the wedding and reception." She turned to head down the path, but had gone only a few steps when she stopped, turning back with a thoughtful expression on her face. "I'm surprised you came. I know humans to be far more prudish about nudity than other species. I had thought you would be too uncomfortable with what is to come."

Amanda blinked. "_What_?" she asked, confused.

Axana frowned. "You _are_ aware," she said slowly, "that Betazoid wedding ceremonies are conducted with all those present nude?"

"_What_?" Amanda repeated, her voice rising slightly with her shock.

"Sarek did not tell you." It was not a question, and as Axana said it her frown deepened.

"Maybe he didn't know," Amanda said, frowning also. But the look on Axana's face indicated that the Betazoid did not believe that.

"I doubt he was unaware, it is common knowledge among diplomats. It is unfortunate that he did not tell you, and that you found out so late," Axana said. "But it is our way and you will be expected to comply, or else risk insulting my sister and many of the guests. I apologize for this, as it must come as a surprise. Have a good evening, Amanda."

Amanda watched helplessly as Axana abruptly turned away, disappearing around a tall hedge without another word. Surely she was wrong- of course Sarek didn't know! He would have told her....

When she returned to their suite, he had finished unpacking. Looking around the bedroom, she saw that he had even unpacked her things for her. But at the moment, she was too distracted to appreciate it.

"_Nude_," she said as soon as the front door was closed. She stood in the doorway of the bedroom, hands on hips. "We have to be _nude_, Sarek!"

"I assume you are referring to the Betazoid wedding ceremony," he said calmly as he placed the now-empty bags in the closet.

"You _knew_?" she asked, jaw dropping. "Why didn't you _warn_ me?"

"Since you have befriended the Betazoid ambassador, I thought that perhaps she had already told you of this custom. Even if she did not, I fail to see the problem," he said, turning to face her.

"You fail to see the problem?" she echoed.

"I do not understand why humans are so uncomfortable with nudity," Sarek said, raising an eyebrow at her. "It is illogical."

"It might be _illogical_- but I really would have liked to know this beforehand!" she said, rubbing her temples where a headache was forming.

"Nudity symbolizes the love bond between the wedded couple. It is a part of Betazoid tradition. I and every other ambassador will be expected to observe the custom to show respect, and so will you."

"So just to be clear- I _have_ to go to this wedding wearing _nothing_?" she asked, already knowing the dreaded answer and experiencing a sinking feeling in her gut.

"Nothing, Amanda," he confirmed. "You will attend, and you will obey all customs- no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. When it comes to foreign relations you must make sacrifices."

The thought of being naked in front of potentially _hundreds_ of guests- many of whom Amanda had met before at other diplomatic events- made her shudder, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"You will not be alone," Sarek pointed out when he saw the tremor run through her body. "And as you have no recent bite marks or bruises to bring to attention, there is no need to be concerned."

"That's not the _point_," she said. "I don't like being caught off-guard like this!"

"I apologize for failing to forewarn you," Sarek said. He turned stiffly away from her to set up his meditation mat and incense jars in a corner of the bedroom.

For several long seconds neither of them spoke. Then, with a sigh, Amanda went to him and placed her hands on his shoulders to turn him back around to face her. "I'm not angry, Sarek. I'm just surprised. I didn't expect this," she said.

"There is no reason to be uncomfortable," he assured her.

"I know, I know," she sighed. "I won't be alone. At least there's _that_ to keep in mind."

"Also," Sarek said as he again placed his hands on her waist and drew her closer, "you are pleasing to look at and so have nothing to be concerned about in that regard, either."

Despite her growing unease concerning the wedding that would take place the next day, Amanda felt a smile form on her lips. "You don't flatter me often, but when you do you really hit the mark."

"Humans often say that 'practice makes perfect'," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

His warm lips brushed against hers and she met them with a soft sigh, deepening the kiss until she tasted _him_. When they parted several seconds later, she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, allowing herself to bask in his heat and in the feel of his strong arms as he pulled her tighter against him.

There was a familiar nudge across the bond, and Amanda gladly accepted the tide of affection sent to her. She reciprocated until they were both flooded with the warm feelings and she was smiling against the fabric of his robes. Axana was right; there were definitely perks to having a telepathic link.

The moment was ruined when she suddenly yawned. She tried to stifle it before Sarek heard- but of course he did anyway.

"You have been awake for nearly nineteen hours," he said gently. "You should sleep."

Exhaustion weighed her limbs down as she pulled away. "Has it really been so long since I got up?" she asked, stifling another yawn. "Are you coming to bed with me?"

He shook his head. "I must complete my evening meditation first. I will join you soon. We must rise early for the ceremony tomorrow."

"For the _naked_ ceremony," she said, smirking. Now that she thought about it, this might be humorous....

He did not reply, instead kissing her again tenderly. When he pulled away, she slid out of his arms and backed up, towards the bathroom.

"I wonder what a room full of naked ambassadors will look like," she said with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "My attention might wander during the ceremony."

He raised an eyebrow. "I hope your attention will wander only to me."

She smirked again as she looked up at him. "Maybe, Sarek. Maybe."


	8. Tradition

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone at STCC, as well as to my wonderful readers!**

**Chapter 8: Tradition**

Despite her determination to not be bothered by the customary nudity- and despite the knowledge that she would not be alone- Amanda woke up nervous the next morning. By the time she emerged from the shower and donned the thin, purple, Vulcan ceremonial robe she would wear to the ceremony hall, she was downright queasy.

"I know, I know- it's illogical," Amanda said when she saw Sarek's raised eyebrow in the hover car on the way there. She knew he could sense her queasiness via the bond and that he was amused by it.

"I see no reason to be anxious," he told her.

"And maybe there isn't." She shrugged. "But I'm still nervous," she added as the hover car drifted to a standstill in front of a white marble building. All around, she saw people of every species wearing ceremonial robes and making their way up the steps of the hall.

A warm hand slid over hers, and then fingertips met hers in the _ozh'esta_. She tore her gaze away from the masses of wedding guests to smile at Sarek as he transmitted _calm_ to her through the link. The queasiness faded and then disappeared, leaving her muscles relaxed.

"I am here," Sarek said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Her smile widened, and she leaned forward to kiss him tenderly before drawing away to look at him. "I know," she whispered back.

He opened the door and led her outside, then up the steps to the entrance of the building. They did not break the _ozh'esta- _although they had the bond to transmit comfort, there was something about feeling her husband's smooth, hot skin against hers that was calming in itself.

Applying slight pressure to her fingers, Sarek led her through an archway into a long hall lined with ornately carved pillars on both sides. The walls and floor were made of the same white marble as the rest of the building, polished to a high shine that reflected their distorted images as they walked across it. Windows set high on the walls allowed bright sunlight to stream in, falling on the raised platform at the far end of the hall where the bride and groom would soon be joined together.

The sounds of their footsteps and of hushed murmuring echoed around the half-filled hall as Amanda and Sarek chose places on the right-hand side of the room. There were no chairs nearby- apparently, they were to stand throughout the ceremony.

Fidgeting with the embroidered fastenings that held her robes together, she wondered how much longer it would be before she had to take it off- and bare everything to ambassadors she knew through her husband's work. As the room around her started to fill, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, biting her lip and craning her neck to see over the heads of the crowd.

"How long do you think this will take?" Amanda asked, the illogical nervousness beginning to strum through her again, her heart beat quickening.

"The ceremony will take no longer than a quarter of an hour," Sarek said. "Then we will withdraw to the reception chamber. The festivities at a Betazoid wedding generally last all day, until well past sunset."

"We can wear the robes to the reception, right?" she asked, half-afraid of the answer. Being naked for a few minutes was one thing... she may not particularly like it, but for cultural sensitivity reasons she would do it; she had no desire to insult the Betazoids. But for a whole day...?

"Yes," he replied, to her intense relief.

"Maybe this won't be so bad, then," she said hopefully.

The rectangular hall continued to slowly fill, until there were barely three square feet of space for each person to stand in. Everyone seemed relaxed; they were talking amongst themselves, laughing and smiling easily- as if they weren't about to appear naked before total strangers.

Amanda began to wonder if maybe it really was only humans who were uncomfortable with nudity. Looking around her, she saw that only her fellow Terrans seemed at all nervous. They stood with their arms folded over their chests, biting their lips as they watched the entrance and waited for the priest to arrive and start the ceremony. Yet the non-Terrans didn't show even a flicker of concern, as if this were an everyday occurrence.

It made her feel better. She wasn't the only one who was nervous- in fact, she wasn't nearly as nervous as they seemed. _And_ she had Sarek to help her by sending calm to her through their bond.

When the chamber was full of brightly colored robes and loud conversation, Amanda heard the first beatings of a drum come from behind.

The guests fell silent at once as they turned to watch the arched entrance, the very last shouts of laughter still echoing around the eerily quiet room as the beat became louder and a Betazoid man appeared in the archway, a drum tied to a harness around his neck and shoulders. He advanced along the empty pathway, the rhythm of his drum starting out slow but picking up pace with every step until it was a rapid staccato, beating out an ancient Betazoid mating call that was soon joined by the clear, high notes of a flute played by a girl now following him down the path.

Amanda was immediately transported back in time, to well over a year ago... there was a flash of an image: a group of Vulcan noblewomen winding their way through the stone pillars of the S'chn T'gai mating grounds. Bells on wooden frames filling the air with their tinkling melody as they were shaken. The steady beating of Vulcan drums as she neared the dais on which there stood a gong, a pit of burning embers... and her husband-to-be.

She blinked, the memory of that seemingly long-ago bonding ceremony fading as quickly as it had come. When she looked up again, she saw that the drummer and flutist now stood beside the platform, both still playing their unnameable song as two men walked down the pathway- one older, presumably the priest who would conduct the ceremony- the younger, most likely the groom.

Then the drumbeats slowed again, and in the archway there appeared a young woman. Zutara resembled her sister greatly, with dark eyes and a lovely face framed with loose, flowing black hair that fell down her back in soft waves. She stepped into the room entirely naked, her back straight and her shoulders squared as she stared confidently ahead, a smile curving her lips as she looked at her future husband.

Zutara made her way down the clear patch of marble floor, and stepped up onto the platform to stand before her groom. Crossing their wrists, they then laid their palms flat against each other's.

The drum and flute abruptly fell silent as the priest stepped forward and began to speak.

"Honored witnesses, welcome. This ceremony dates back many thousands of years; our ancestors have passed this tradition down to us through the ages, entrusting us to continue their customs and honor their spirits by doing so. To symbolize the love and unity of the joining of this couple, we will now disrobe and take upon us the naturalness the gods gifted us with."

There was a rustle of movement around her. Led by the priest and groom, hundreds of attendees allowed their robes to fall quietly to the marble floor. Amanda experienced a moment of hesitation. Biting her lip to keep back a grin at the situation she found herself in, she cleared her throat before beginning to unfasten the clasps along the front of her robes.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," she murmured, fighting back a laugh. "What would my mother say?"

"Be respectful, Amanda," Sarek said sternly, but she caught a wave of his amusement over the bond.

Despite her determined confidence, she felt heat flood her face as the cool air whispered against her bare skin, the thin robe falling from her shoulders to pool on the floor with a final puff of air around her ankles. Fighting the urge to cover herself, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She no longer wanted to laugh.

She tried very, very hard not to look around her- but it was hard _not_ to. She was currently surrounded by hundreds of naked people of all ages, shapes, and sizes- something she'd never imagined would happen to her, even in her wildest dreams. But after a furtive glance up, she saw that no one was looking at her; their attention was trained on the platform where the bride and groom stood. She was relieved; of _course_ no one was going to stare at her- she was one of hundreds. Her fears _had_ been illogical.

But as she turned to watch the ceremony, she spotted a man- not much older than she was- eyeing her from ten feet away. He appreciatively swept her body with his eyes, and she shifted uncomfortably, not at all liking the way he was looking at her. She glanced over at him again, and his gaze wandered to her left. As she watched, his expression changed from lascivious to... alarmed. Curious, she followed his gaze.

To Sarek.

Her husband was glaring at the younger man- his black eyes cold and challenging. They spoke clearly. She didn't need the bond to know what he was thinking: _She is mine._

It was the sexiest look she'd ever seen in those dark eyes- even sexier than the seductive look he sometimes gave her- and if only they weren't surrounded by so many others....

When she looked back, she saw that not only had the man stopped staring at her- he'd moved clear across the room. He threw uneasy glances over his shoulder at Sarek, who continued to glare after him until he was a safe distance away.

Pressing her lips together to keep back her laughter, Amanda turned to the raised platform again. She noticed that, while before they had not been standing particularly close to each other, Sarek had now moved close enough that she felt his body heat rolling over her.

_I guess he's less happy about this than I thought,_ she thought to herself with amusement. She should have known he would act this way; he was possessive enough of her when she was fully clothed. God save the man who stared her too long when she was _naked_....

The priest was speaking again, calling upon the Betazoid gods and spirits to look over the couple before them and asking them to bless the union. She found herself becoming pulled into the speech- into the spirituality of the ceremony. It was something many Terran weddings had lost: their _meaning_.

She was completely absorbed in the ceremony unfolding before her as a ribbon was tied around the couple's wrists to symbolize their joining- at least until she heard whispering come from somewhere in front of her. Looking around in irritation, she caught sight of two Terran women- she assumed they were related to ambassadors, as neither of them were old enough to be married- staring back at them. No, not at _them_- at _Sarek_.

"My God, look at that body!" one said enviously. "I can just imagine running my hands all over that..."

"Forget my hands... I'd _lick_ him all over!" the other giggled. "And then I'd go at it all night long."

Annoyance flashed through Amanda- they were supposed to be watching the ceremony, not ogling her husband. But then she was amused. As she cast a sideways look over at her husband, she could see exactly what they were whispering about with such awe: Sarek's muscles were well-toned from his daily Suus-Mahna exercises. A smattering of black hair adorned his flawless chest, and then there was that teasing line of hair leading down, down, down....

After a cursory glance at this last- and best- asset of his, she cleared her throat and looked away. If she looked at him any longer, she knew she wouldn't be able to contain herself.

Then she realized- to her horror and dismay- that it had been six weeks since they'd had sex. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her... that perfect body beside her was going to waste. She made a mental note to correct this most grievous error as soon as she had him alone.

Looking up again, she noticed that the two women were _still_ staring at the delectable Vulcan standing beside her. Meanwhile, he was completely oblivious, his attention centered on the ceremony (which, now that she'd come to her senses, Amanda could no longer concentrate on at all). Then she got an idea.

Amanda shifted closer to Sarek, and discreetly placed her hand on his thigh. Caressing the warm skin lightly with her thumb, she kept her gaze on the platform.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sarek look over at her.

_"What are you doing?"_ he asked through the link.

_"Staking my claim. As you did with the man staring at me,"_ she replied simply.

She expected him to pull away- to tell her to stop- but instead, he turned back to continue watching the ceremony. Of course, she realized- if _she_ could hear the women, so could he. And he knew she had just as much a right to let others know he was _hers_ as he did to claim her as _his_.

Amanda boldly looked at the two women, a smirk forming on her lips as one eyebrow arched in triumph. They glared at her jealously before turning around with scowls on their faces.

Feeling smug with her victory, she turned back to the platform just as the priest finished.

"This union is created out of true love, and through the good graces of the Marital Forces the bride and groom have found their soul-mates. May this marriage be blessed by the spirits of the ancestors and allowed to flourish and be fertile. May it be full of lifelong bliss."

The priest bowed to the bride and groom before backing away and stepping off the platform. Zutara's husband then took a robe from a nearby attendant and helped his wife into it before donning his own, and then the couple turned to beam at the crowd. The drum started up again, beating wildly as the newlyweds made their way back down the path and toward the archway.

Then, just like that, it was over. The guests began to pull their robes back on, and when Amanda turned she saw that Sarek was holding hers out to her. She felt his amusement through the link as he helped her into it.

As she fastened the last clasp, she looked up at him with a smile. "Is it over already? It didn't feel very long."

"Perhaps you were distracted," he suggested, raising his eyebrows knowingly. Although he was again wearing his robes, she could still clearly remember how he looked without them- she'd _long_ _since_ lost count of the times she'd run her hands over that body, memorizing every contour of it....

She kicked herself mentally again for her recent neglect of that manifestation of the word "perfection".

All around her was the bustle of the crowd heading for the exit, and she and Sarek joined it. They followed the guests down a long, wide hallway that wound through the building, and then up a sweeping staircase. From there they went to a vast chamber filled with circular tables, chairs, and a long table covered with lovely looking dishes of food- some of which Amanda recognized, most of which were completely alien to her. The aromas emanating from them mixed pleasantly in the air, making her stomach rumble.

"And this will last all day?" she asked, looking around at the golden banners draped around the room for decoration.

"Each guest must present their gift individually, and the bride and groom must thank them. It is a complex system of giving and receiving and takes hours."

"Hours?" she sighed.

Sarek looked at her pointedly. "Yes, Amanda. Hours," he repeated.

Knowing she had a long afternoon ahead of her, Amanda sighed again and picked up a drink from the table. So much for correcting that error any time soon.

* * *

As she quickly found out, Sarek wasn't lying. A group of Betazoid musicians serenaded the room as the guests went forward one by one to present gifts to the bride and groom. Zutara, who had a great love of music, was especially delighted with their gift of a Vulcan lyre- an idea which had been Amanda's. She enjoyed it when Sarek played his lyre for her, and if the effect of the music on the Betazoid couple was anything like it was for them, the newlyweds would enjoy it just as much. After a lengthy thank you, the next guest came forward and they went on their way to join the others, who ate their fill and mingled- talking about anything and everything and laughing more and more as the liquor poured freely.

Amanda made her usual rounds, visiting with the ambassadors and ambassadors' spouses she knew. She'd perfected her public persona over the last year; she knew she had to in order to fit in. Often, she still felt out of place. Most of the people present had more illustrious backgrounds than she did and were older- and more dignified- than she was. But through observing them she learned when to laugh, when to joke, when to debate- and when to shut up- while in the presence of important dignitaries.

But after a few hours, the mingling was starting to become tiresome. Downing the rest of her drink, she picked up another from a passing tray and looked around for someone interesting to talk to.

Her eyes came to rest on a point across the hall, where Sarek stood conversing with a Tellarite ambassador she was unfamiliar with. Usually while attending these events she and her husband went their separate ways, but at the moment she was sure it would be acceptable for her to join the conversation. In fact, it might even be desirable- whoever this particular ambassador was, the growing annoyance she felt from Sarek over their link indicated it was someone he was not fond of.

Making her way through the chattering and laughing crowd, Amanda soon arrived to stand by his side. She felt his relief at her appearance as he turned back to the Tellarite ambassador.

"Ambassador Tarnok, meet she who is my wife, Lady Amanda," Sarek said, extending two fingers to her. She met them in the _ozh'esta _and smiled at the Tellarite before her.

"A pleasure to meet you, Ambassador Tarnok," she said.

"Ambassador Tarnok is Tellar's emissary to Vulcan, Amanda," Sarek explained, breaking the _ozh'esta_ to fold his hands before him. "We have a... long history."

Judging by his pause and the still-growing annoyance she received from him, Amanda assumed this "long history" wasn't a good one. And, judging by the way Tarnok was eyeing her with distaste, she could assume he disliked Sarek- and by extent, her- just as much.

Without a word to her, Tarnok turned back to Sarek. Switching from Standard to Tellarite- a language she had learned in the past year- he spoke again. "So you did marry a human. I have heard the rumors about her, of course, but I refused to believe it until I saw it. You lack taste, my Vulcan friend. You should have known the human would be incompetent."

Amanda saw Sarek stiffen, the barest traces of anger flashing in his dark eyes. Over the bond she felt his annoyance surge, quickly turning into white-hot fury as he opened his mouth to speak.

But before he could, she addressed Tarnok in Tellarite.

"What evidence do you have to support your accusation of my incompetency, Ambassador Tarnok?" she asked evenly, managing to conceal her own anger and indignation at his insults. She didn't look over at Sarek, but she felt uneasiness from him; it was obvious that he thought she was about to make yet another mistake.

She couldn't read the Tellarite's expression, but his head tilted back in surprise.

"I have heard of you, _Lady_ Amanda," Tarnok said sneeringly. "We all have. You once created trouble with the media when you opened your mouth after Ambassador Sarek was almost assassinated. Before that, you created a disturbance at a banquet with Lady T'Pau. I hear whispers about you on Vulcan and on Earth- of how bold and _human_ you are. And they are not complimentary."

Amanda's eyes narrowed as she looked down at him. "Ambassador Tarnok, I _am_ human. But one need not be human to make mistakes. I try my best to learn from mine, and the incidents you speak of are from quite some time ago. I'm sure that the ill words you've heard spoken about me were said by those who are either unacquainted with me, or are purposefully trying to tarnish my image. You can believe whatever hearsay you want- I don't care. But if you are going to try to make someone out to be a fool when they are present, at least be sure to say it in a language you are certain they don't understand. Otherwise, you'll only make _yourself_ out to be the fool."

When she paused, neither Sarek nor Tarnok spoke. Sarek was looking down at the glass in his hand with the smallest of frowns, refusing to meet her eyes.

Smiling coolly at the Tellarite, she switched to Standard and spoke again, arching an eyebrow slightly. "Now if you will excuse me...."

Without another word she turned away, leaving heavy silence in her wake.

* * *

She wasn't sure how long she'd been on the balcony, but it was long enough for the sun to start sinking into the horizon in another dazzling sunset. Arms folded before her on the marble balustrade, Amanda leaned on them and looked down at the courtyard below, where there was a maze of hedges and flowerbeds. A glittering fountain stood in the center, sending jets of water twenty feet into the air before they splashed back down into the rippling pool below.

When she heard the door slide open behind her, she straightened and prepared to leave. But then she felt the warm presence behind her and relaxed again, leaning against the railing.

"Well, go ahead and get it over with," she said with a sigh.

"I do not know what you are referring to," Sarek said, hot fingers closing over her arms as he caressed them.

"Your reprimand. I'd rather you do it now so I don't have to worry about your being angry with me," she said.

"Reprimand?" Sarek leaned closer to her, his hot breath puffing against the delicate shell of her ear as he spoke. "I did not plan to give you one."

"You didn't?" she asked, surprised.

"No..." he said slowly, wrapping his arms around her so her back was against his chest. "I thought you conducted yourself extremely well. Ambassador Tarnok was simply behaving disagreeably, as all Tellarites tend to do, and had you said nothing I would have said something myself."

Relief flooded her. "I thought you would be angry," she said quietly as she leaned her head back, resting it against him.

"No," he said, beginning to plant kisses on her neck, moving up toward her jaw. "As a matter of fact, _adun'a_, I am... proud."

Smiling, she closed her eyes and enjoyed his ministrations. "_Proud_, Sarek? A _human_ emotion?"

"That is what humans call it, is it not?" he asked, now running his hands up and down her sides.

Amanda felt her knees getting weaker, a heat spreading through her body at his touch. It had been too long since he'd done anything like this... as he bit down gently on a particular spot on her neck, she heard herself gasp.

"We're on a balcony, Sarek," she reminded him, swallowing hard as one of his hands cupped a breast, squeezing gently. A bolt of pleasure zinged through her, and she found herself biting her lip, hard.

"If anyone gets near this balcony, which I deem highly unlikely, I would hear them long before they arrived," Sarek said. He paused for a moment, his hands stilling, one resting on her hip and the other still on her breast. "In fact... I could likely take you here."

At those words, she felt her breath whoosh out of her. Surely he didn't just say what she _thought_ he said....

"Sarek?" she asked weakly.

He placed both hands on her hips, kneading them slowly, tantalizingly. Her knees were in _definite_ danger of buckling as his teeth grazed against the pulse point on her neck.

"I said I could, not that I would," he said, his voice low.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked with a laugh.

"Yesterday, you were more interested in sightseeing at museums and gardens than you were in spending time with me," Sarek said, his grip tightening on her hips as he suddenly spun her around to face him. Without warning, he lifted her and sat her on the railing, her legs straddling his waist. When she saw how dark- how _desirous-_ those familiar eyes were, she had to bite back a groan at the ache beginning to throb within her.

"I never said we weren't going to-" she began, but he interrupted her.

"Would you prefer to visit a garden now?" he asked, pulling her closer against him- lips hovering so close, but not close enough.

"No," she replied, swallowing again as she tried to resist being the first to give in.

"A museum, perhaps?" he asked, and she felt amusement from him as he continued to nibble and suckle on the tender flesh between her neck and shoulder.

A shudder ran through her, her mouth suddenly very dry as she fought back another moan.

"No," she said more firmly, finding it very, very difficult to breathe. His body was pressed against her, his heat soaking into her... all that separated them was the thin cloth of their robes....

She knew he heard her thoughts, and when he smirked she knew he was purposefully enticing her- _trying_ to drive her to the very edge of her sanity.

He wanted her to beg. But she refused to give in.

Running her hands up his chest to clasp them behind his neck, she drew him closer until every inch of him was flush against her and she could feel every contour of his body. She sighed in pleasure against his ear before nipping at the pointed tip, tugging on it with her teeth before pulling away to trail kisses along his jaw and to his lips. When she kissed him she breathed in his scent, humming with satisfaction as she tasted him, their tongues mingling together....

She was so caught up in the feel of his lips against hers, she didn't notice the cool breeze against her legs until his warm hand slid between them, nimble fingers grazing against the skin of her inner thighs and trailing their way up to their goal...

Amanda's eyes flew open as she pulled away from him with a loud gasp, arching her back at the contact. Sarek raised an eyebrow at her as her eyes focused on him again, on his eyes- still dark with desire.

And in that instant, she knew she'd lost.

"I propose that we go back to our hotel room early," he breathed against her lips as he kissed her again, withdrawing his hand and smoothing her robes back over her legs.

"Yes," she agreed so quietly she wasn't sure he could even hear her.

Suddenly the air around her was much cooler, the weight that had been pressed against her gone. Amanda opened her eyes to see her husband heading back inside, but he paused in the doorway to turn and extend two fingers to her. Understanding the silent command, she slid off the balustrade, standing unsteadily and clearing her throat in a futile attempt to compose herself before going to his side and joining him in the _ozh'esta_. As he led her back inside to say their farewells, he gave her one last, smoldering look that told her everything....

She was in for one hell of a night.


	9. Bliss

**Chapter 9: Bliss**

Amanda slowly rose out of the fog of half-sleep, her eyelids heavy as the soft rustling of someone moving around reached her ears. She was laying on her stomach, the duvet barely covering her. A warm tropical breeze blowing in through the open balcony doors glided over her bare skin, stirring her sex-tangled hair.

Every muscle in her body screamed in protest as she shifted to look over at the Vulcan standing beside the bed, fastening his pants. Her hips, bruised by the force with which he had gripped them in the heat of the moment, were tender to the touch. A burning pain on one of her inner thighs reminded her of the bite mark he'd given her the night before to claim her as _his_.

She ached all over from their vigorous activities. But she wasn't complaining.

"How much time before we have to go?" she asked sleepily, burrowing her head against the pillow.

"We must board the transport in three hours and twelve minutes," her husband replied.

"Then come back to bed," she coaxed, patting the still-warm space beside her.

She felt his amusement through their bond as he joined her again. Nestling against his warm body, she tucked her head into the space between his neck and shoulder. "Why did you bother putting pants on?" she asked teasingly.

"Judging by your current level of discomfort, I thought you might be unable to pursue further activities," he replied, running his fingers through her hair.

"Ha! What, these few aches and pains?" she scoffed. "These are nothing."

"While your stamina is impressive," he said as he lightly trailed his fingers down her arm, "it is no match for mine."

"Tell me about it." She stifled a yawn before snuggling closer. "How many hours of sleep did I get?"

"Four," he murmured, breath hot against her cheek as he bent his head to whisper in her ear. "You were well-aware that you would receive little rest, my _adun'a_."

She smiled against his neck.

"I was, and I don't regret a minute of it," she agreed, moving so that she faced him, her head pillowed on his stomach. He looked down at her, still stroking her hair and fanning it around her naked shoulders. For a few minutes they lay like that, enjoying the skin-to-skin contact and the gentle buzz of their emotions over the link. Then she broke the silence. "There's something I want to ask you."

"You are always welcome to speak your mind to me," he said.

"I know." She smiled up at him. Then she grew serious. "Sarek, when you thought I was neglecting you-"

"I never thought you were 'neglecting' me," he quickly corrected. She raised an eyebrow, but he disregarded it. "You were absorbed in your work to a point where we rarely saw each other and it was adversely affecting our marriage. I was... concerned."

"Sure," she said with a smirk. "If that's the way you want to put it. So, if you were _concerned_... why didn't you say something sooner? Why did you wait until this trip came up?"

The fingers that had been threading through her hair stilled, resting on the nape of her neck as he looked down at her, debating. When he spoke again she felt a twinge of apprehension across the link. "It is often difficult to approach you. Your reactions are unpredictable," he replied.

Amanda realized that he was afraid she would become angry. Sighing, she closed her eyes briefly before opening them again to look at him.

"Sarek, I don't want you to think I'm unapproachable. But I know I can be..." she paused, searching for the right word. "Difficult."

"After your reluctance to accompany me on this trip and your lack of desire to spend the time with me, I was beginning to believe you were not as interested in mending this marriage as I was," he admitted.

At this, Amanda sat up, brows drawing together. "Sarek, how could you _think_ that?" she asked, hurt. But when he opened his mouth to reply, his eyes wary, she shook her head. "No, don't answer." With another sigh, she settled back down, head resting against his abdomen again. "I know it must have seemed that way. I can't blame you for coming to that conclusion."

She sensed his relief, and it sparked guilt within her. Things shouldn't be like this between them. He shouldn't have to fear speaking to her about his concerns- shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her. That wasn't what a marriage was supposed to be about.

"You know," she said softly, tracing patterns on his chest with one finger, avoiding his gaze. "Before I went to sleep last night-"

"This morning," he corrected her, and she felt his amusement- as well as a smugness no doubt associated with the fact that _he_ had been the one to keep her up all night.

"This morning," she amended, smiling. "I thought about the Betazoid ceremony. Something the priest said about the marriage being full of lifelong bliss. I was thinking about that word- _bliss_. Wondering what it means. And you know what answer I came up with?"

"I could easily use the link to find out, if you so wish," he replied.

She smiled again and shook her head. "Bliss is having a husband who supports me, no matter what I do. A husband who's protective of me and does everything he can to please me, despite all the difficulties I give him and all the many mistakes I've made. It took seeing those women looking at you to make me realize I don't appreciate you enough- in _any_ aspect of our life, not just physical. How in the world do you put up with me?"

The corners of his mouth lifted slightly as he took her forearms in his hands, pulling her up so she was half on top of him, their faces even.

"Practice," he replied.

She gave a short laugh before quieting and looking at him again. "I'm not sure I deserve you," she said in a low voice, tightening her arms around him and pressing her forehead against his.

"It is not a matter of earning the right through actions and choices, so much as it is a matter of my _katra_ finding you deserving. For reasons I will never know, the first time you kissed me a link was established between us. I do not understand _why _or even _how_, but it is enough to know that it was, and I am grateful for it. We were simply... meant to be."

"Meant to be?" Amanda felt herself shaking with silent laughter. "I never realized Vulcans believe in destiny."

He didn't reply, toying with a strand of her hair instead. She realized he was being serious and her chuckles subsided.

"I love you," she said quietly. "You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time- maybe ever."

He reached up, cupping her face in his hands and drawing her head down to his. Warm, slightly dry lips brushed over hers. And while he didn't say the words, she sensed his love over the bond.

"We still have a two point seven-eight hours left," he murmured against her lips.

She smiled before moving to kiss a certain spot on his neck. While Sarek _insisted_ he didn't have any "spots," nibbling on this particular area always brought forth a low, rumbling purr from his chest.

"We do," she agreed, smiling against his skin as he emitted a quiet purr, his hands tightening on her waist. "So let's use them."

* * *

They never did visit any of Betazed's gardens or museums.

Despite this, as they settled into their seats on the transport, they were both perfectly content. Amanda still glowed from their exertions of the night before- and from the last several hours. Her entire body felt stiff, and every movement she made was painful- but it had been worth it.

"That was a pleasant stay," she said cheerfully as she took out her PADD and stylus.

Sarek raised an eyebrow, the same smugness she'd felt earlier coming across the link. "It was most agreeable," he acknowledged, making her smile widen.

As the transport began embarking procedures, Amanda called up her notes and the latest reference book on her PADD to begin her research. She had been working for several minutes when she sensed Sarek's eyes on her- and then he leaned forward, placing his hand over hers to get her attention.

"I was thinking," he said quietly, "that in order to prevent me from 'feeling neglected' while you work, perhaps I could assist you with your research."

Surprised, she looked up at him. Other than answering a few of her minor questions about something or another she'd read about, Sarek had previously shown little interest in her thesis.

"I'm sure I have it handled, Sarek," she replied, looking back down at the PADD screen. "I have a ton of notes from the books and documents I've found, and I'm almost done with those. There isn't much you can do to help."

"There are many things about my people humans do not know, and are not in any reference book," he pointed out.

"I think I have enough information, Sarek," she insisted.

"Your thesis is based on a comparison between our cultures, Amanda. It would be logical to have a Vulcan viewpoint as well as a human one."

Amanda bit her lip as she looked at her husband. She had to admit: he had a good point. As impartial as she tried to be with the thesis, she was bound to have a solely human point of view on the matter. His input would make the paper well-rounded.

"Fine," she conceded, a smile curving her lips. "You win."

"May I?" he asked, holding out his hand for the PADD.

"Of course," she said, giving it to him.

She watched with growing anxiety as he began to read the notes she'd gathered, eyes sliding quickly over the lines of text. There were certain things in her notes she was sure he would disapprove of... and, as expected, his eyebrows slowly drew together, a frown forming the further he read.

By the time he reached the end of the document, she felt his uneasiness radiating through her. He handed the PADD back without a word, and sat in silence for several long seconds. Finally, he again spoke, his voice low and hesitant.

"Amanda... you plan to use all of the material in these notes?" he asked.

"Well, not all of it- I won't be able to fit it all in. But most of it, yes."

"I see," he said slowly. He paused. And then, "I believed I had made it clear how much Vulcans value their privacy, Amanda. Not only have you included confidential information in these notes, but you have used examples. Examples from _our_ life, it would seem."

"Everyone who reads it will be human," Amanda said, frowning down at the PADD. "Humans understand concepts better when given examples. They will help get my point across about some of the differences between our cultures. It's not like I used anything _too_ personal."

"Anything from our private life is too personal," he said flatly.

"For goodness' sake, Sarek! I only included a few conversations we've had!" she said, exasperated.

"Amanda..." he said slowly, turning to look at her. "That is not my only reservation. There is also the issue with certain information you plan to disclose. There are things that few humans without direct contact with Vulcans know, and you are privy to more than most. I am not sure I approve of your imparting this knowledge to others."

"Sarek," she sighed. "I doubt anyone other than my professors will read this. I'm not a noted scholar or anything. You know I've been working hard on this- it's important to me. I won't put anything in there that's too 'confidential' or 'personal'. You can help me with that."

He continued to look at her for a moment, and then exhaled faster than normal- his version of a sigh.

"Very well. As long as the number of readers remains relatively low, and you do not include anything I disapprove of in the paper, I will not interfere."

"And will you still help me?" she asked.

"I must," he replied, now reaching for the PADD displaying the reference text. "Otherwise your information will be incomplete and inaccurate. Human scholars are not renowned for being entirely correct in their publications, and I am certain you have used references written by humans."

"This is what I meant about support," she said as she leaned over to kiss him quickly. "Thank you, my _adun_."

"It is important to you," he replied simply.

Smiling again, she turned back to her PADD. "So, about the thesis. I was thinking maybe...."

And so they set to work, their small disagreement already forgotten.

Their journey back to Earth was much different from the one to Betazed: instead of being absorbed in their own pursuits and rarely speaking, they leaned close to each other- discussing her notes or certain passages in the reference book in low tones. There was the occasional hand-brush as they passed the PADD back and forth, the brief skin-to-skin contact sending them both back to that morning and the night before- resulting in a knowing smirk from him and a barely-suppressed grin from her.

These small, welcome moments and their joint progress on her work made their return trip seem quicker than the first trip, and before they knew it they were coming out of warp near Earth.

"We can finish the notes about telepathy tonight," Amanda said as she stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

When she stifled a yawn as he leaned close to her to get their luggage, he raised an eyebrow at her. "Tomorrow," he corrected. "Tonight you will rest."

"If you insist," she said, smiling as she reached over to squeeze his arm affectionately. "I _am_ strangely exhausted."

It was true. Her body felt heavy as they moved to beam down to the planet surface, and she nearly fell asleep in the hover-car on the way home. By the time they arrived at the mansion, her eyes were half-closed.

"I trust your visitation to Betazed was productive," T'Shan said as they entered the receiving hall. She stood just inside the door, hands folded before her neatly.

"I suppose you can call it that," Amanda said, yawning yet again as she missed the knowing look the Vulcan woman gave her. "I'm going upstairs, Sarek," she added, heading for the stairs.

"I will join you momentarily," he responded.

She nodded tiredly as she mounted the steps leading to the upper levels. As soon as she entered the familiar bedchamber down the hall, she stripped off the Vulcan gown she had worn, letting it fall to the floor with a soft whisper. Pulling on a nightgown that lay over the divan, she crawled onto the large bed, collapsing against her pillow with a sigh of satisfaction as her eyes slipped closed.

A few minutes passed, and then through the haze of sleep she sensed Sarek climbing into bed beside her. Warm arms pulled her against him and, with a smile, she nuzzled against his chest.

"Night," she said groggily.

"Good night, _adun'a_."

She felt him kiss her lightly, and then the black peace of slumber hovered at the edges of her mind, threatening to pull her back under.

But before it could, she thought about T'Shan's question.

Their trip _had_ been productive. Already, she could sense that things were right between her and Sarek again. As she felt him bury his face in her hair, inhaling her scent, she knew they would be fine.

Everything was as it should be.

**A/N: Not a very eventful chapter, I'm afraid, but I wanted to show that things are improving for them. I also set something up for the future regarding the thesis. ;)**


	10. The Feline Incident

**A/N: This should be the last "filler chapter" for awhile. And sorry it took so long to get this up :)**

**Chapter 10: The Feline Incident**

It was dark beyond the single wide window. Gray clouds, heavy with rain, were rolling in to blanket the star-strewn San Franciscan sky. Silence reigned in the office as Sarek steadily made his way through a stack of PADDs, reading and signing the documents methodically. It was already late, and there was still much work to be done. The many banes of an ambassador's occupation included the endless correspondence, documentation and review. All necessary, but that made them no less tedious.

He had just signed the final document when the door chimed. Setting down his stylus with a suppressed sigh, Sarek sat straighter and folded his hands before him.

"Enter," he commanded.

The door slid open to reveal one of his many aides carrying a fresh stack of PADDs. The young Vulcan stepped forward, placing the pile on Sarek's desk before stepping back and bowing his head respectfully.

"_Osu_, we received a message from the High Council. They urge you to speedily complete the report on Earth's colonization statistics."

"Send them the reply I gave before. I will complete it when the Terran Colonization Bureau sees fit to send the information I require," Sarek replied without looking up from the newest PADD, already immersed in a proposed trade agreement. Frowning slightly, he marked the proposition as "unacceptable" and moved on to the next PADD. "What else?"

"A Terran ambassador requests an audience this evening before your departure," the aide continued.

Sarek checked his internal clock, finding that it was already 2000 hours- later than he had supposed.

"Tell the ambassador he or she must reschedule," Sarek ordered as he wrote out a response to a message from the Federation president. "My time is limited and I must complete these before I leave."

"Ambassador, he does say it is of some importance-"

"I have important things to tend to as well," Sarek interrupted, looking up at his subordinate sharply. "If it is as urgent as he claims, he will contact my home office tonight. Is that all?"

"I have no further messages, _osu_," the younger Vulcan murmured.

Sarek picked up his stylus and leaned over a report he must finish. Correctly taking this as his dismissal, the aide left. The door hissed shut behind him.

As the ambassador continued to work, counting the minutes as they ticked by, there came the first faint spattering of rain against his window. The gentle thud of droplets hitting glass filled his ears, the sounds settling into a rhythm as the rain began to fall harder and steadier. By the time he finished his last report and accepted the last scheduled transmission for the evening, water was pounding against the panes.

Glancing out at the silver sheet of rain descending from the heavens, Sarek pulled on his high-colored black cloak and closed his carrying case. It was late- far later than he had expected. It was now well past 2200, and Amanda had expected him home three hours before.

Entering his office lock code, Sarek wondered if she had waited up for him. For the past several weeks they'd spent their evenings together to work on her thesis. She had completed most of her research and was now writing the actual paper- his assistance was no longer really needed, yet neither he nor Amanda had suggested ending their meetings. In truth, he enjoyed spending this time with her- there had been so much time lost between them in those weeks when they had been apart. Even the simple sensation of her weight pressed against his side as she curled up against him, PADD on her lap, was enough to content him.

He was disappointed to realize that there was a strong likelihood she was already in bed and they would not work together that night. He had become accustomed to arriving home to find her waiting for him.

Sarek made his way down the long corridor, walking past the offices of his aides and into the lift. It descended to the lobby, depositing him in the marble pillar-lined hall. The building maintenance workers and security personnel bowed their heads in obeisance as he swept past them, black cloak billowing behind him. The double doors opened and the ambassador stepped out into the pouring rain.

Soaked within seconds, he was displeased as he made his way down the brick pathway towards the waiting hover-car. He had never liked rain- it rarely rained on Vulcan and he'd had little exposure to any form of precipitation- and the time he'd served here was not enough to ease the discomfort the moisture presented. The wetness of San Francisco was one of its many drawbacks; it was _not_ a hospitable environment for a Vulcan.

When it rained, Amanda often waited for him with a towel. It was a small gesture, and an illogical one since he could retrieve a towel himself, but the thought of it soothed him. Despite the heavy drops of liquid landing on his head and shoulders, his step slowed and he felt himself become filled with the affection reserved solely for _her_.

It was then that he heard it: a weak, high-pitched noise from one of the waterlogged bushes nearby.

Pausing in the middle of the path, Sarek looked around, listening. He heard it again.

"Mew... mew...."

It was faint, the pounding of rain against pavement nearly drowning out the sound. But it was definitely there. Moving towards the bushes lining the left-hand side of the walk, he stooped down and pushed aside the branches of a bush.

The sound came again- louder this time.

"_Mew_... _mew_..."

Reaching into the foliage, Sarek's fingers closed gently around something cold and wet. When he withdrew his hand from the dripping leaves, he found that he was correct in his theory: the source of the noise was... a tiny feline.

Its dark fur was spiky, wet and matted, the tiny body shivering uncontrollably in his hands. He knew very little about Terran felines, but he estimated it to be no older than a few weeks; it was so small it easily fit in one hand. As he looked down at it, the creature looked up at him- blue eyes pleading as it mewed again, loudly and pitifully.

He considered putting the infant feline back, but hesitated as he moved to do so. His sharp eyes swept the grounds and saw no evidence of other kittens or a nursing female cat. The kitten was obviously alone- and far too young to be independent. It was cold and raining... surely the animal would not survive on its own if he left it....

Sarek continued to look down at the creature still cradled in his hand. Perhaps Amanda would know what to do with it. She could look after it until they found a home for it. He could not simply leave it where he had found it... he might inadvertently contribute to the animal's death.

He stood, tucking the quivering life form against his chest and enfolding it in his robes to keep it warm. Wondering if perhaps he was making a mistake, he headed to the hover-car.

Ten minutes later, the vehicle drove through the gates of his home. When it came to a standstill at the foot of the steps leading up to the doors, Sarek exited the warm confines of the car and bowed his head against the downpour. Hurrying up the slippery steps, he was more than relieved to reach the dry entrance hall.

Water dripped steadily from the hem of his cloak as he made his way up the staircase and down the hall. Still holding the kitten wrapped in the front of his robes, he commanded the door leading into his bedchamber to open.

"You're late," said a voice as soon as he stepped inside. He looked up to see Amanda coming to him with the customary towel in hand. Placing it around his neck, she smiled up at him. "I fell asleep waiting for you."

"I had much to do," he said in a low tone.

She smiled again, standing on tiptoes to kiss him. But when she pressed against him, the bundle he held against his chest squirmed and mewed loudly.

"What is _that_?" Amanda pulled away quickly, staring at the now-writhing lump with wide eyes.

Sarek extracted the kitten from his robes, holding the wet, gray feline up for his wife's inspection.

"I came upon it while leaving the embassy," he explained.

Upon seeing the creature, she gasped and reached for it. Taking it from him, she cupped it in her hands and held it to her chest.

"Poor thing! It's soaking wet! And it's so young- it can't even be weaned yet! Its mother must have abandoned it...."

Sarek watched in puzzlement as Amanda proceeded to kiss the kitten on the head, murmuring such ridiculous things as "poor baby" and "sweet little thing."

"Amanda, I am fairly certain it cannot understand you," Sarek said slowly when this continued for a full minute, fearing for a moment that his wife had lost all semblance of sanity.

Amanda laughed. "I _know_ that, Sarek."

When she turned to walk away, still whispering in the kitten's ear, Sarek frowned deeply. She had departed from their tradition- usually she insisted on helping him dry off. Instead, she sat down on the divan, still fussing over the kitten.

Disgruntled, he followed his wife, shedding his cloak and hanging it on the back of the divan before sitting beside her and slowly toweling the moisture out of his hair.

"Why did you bring it home?" she asked, still stroking the rapidly drying fur of the animal in her lap.

"It would have been illogical to leave it when it could not possibly survive on its own. Leaving it would mean I was indirectly contributing to its death. As you know, Vulcans have high respect for all life forms."

"Uh huh." Amanda grinned, nudging him playfully with one elbow. "Sure."

He blinked. "I do not understand. You appear convinced that I am lying."

"Not _lying_," she said, "just evading."

"Evading," he repeated.

"Yes, evading. You just don't want to admit that you felt compassion," she said matter-of-factly.

"I felt no 'compassion'. It would have been morally incorrect to leave a defenseless living being in such a situation. I thought perhaps you would be more knowledgeable about the care of such a creature, so I brought it to you."

"So you brought it home to _me_," Amanda clarified with a smirk as she set the squirming kitten aside. "Well, I don't think the kitten's older than four weeks, so it's not fully weaned. I'll have to do some research to find out what exactly it will need. Oh- and a name! It needs a name."

"Amanda, we are not keeping it," Sarek said sternly. "This is only until a more suitable home is found for it."

"We're not keeping it?" Amanda's face fell. She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then at the kitten now falling asleep on the cushion of the divan.

Sarek knew the look that now crossed her features only too well. The corners of her lips flicked up into a knowing smirk, brown eyes glinting with mischief as one eyebrow arched.

With a sense of foreboding, he watched as Amanda moved to straddle him, twining her fingers in his damp hair as she settled in his lap.

"Amanda, we cannot keep it," he said before she could open her mouth, hoping to intercept what he knew was coming. "Our frequent absences would make it impossible to care for this creature. I believe we should-"

But it was too late.

"Sarek...." Amanda leaned forward, nuzzling against his neck and effectively silencing him. "Maybe _our_ home is the most suitable place for it. When we're not here, T'Shan or one of the others can take care of it. _We_ know it would be well-taken care of, but if we just foist it off on some stranger, it might go to a _horrible_ home. I think we should keep it. It won't hurt anything. Maybe a pet is exactly what we need to make this place feel more like a home instead of a museum."

"From what I know of Terran felines," Sarek said as he tried to remove his wife from his lap, but failing when she began to nibble on the flesh between his neck and shoulder, "they tend to destroy belongings and injure their owners. This does not sound like an ideal 'pet'."

"They don't destroy anything," Amanda huffed. "They might claw a bit- but they don't do any real harm as long as anything breakable is out of their reach."

Sarek raised an eyebrow, as if to say she had just proven his point. Pursing her lips, she continued to run her fingers through his hair.

"And they don't _intentionally_ scratch or bite. Only when they're playing."

His eyebrow rose higher and she tilted her head. Sensing that she was again 'up to something', his grip tightened on her hips as he prepared to extricate her limbs from his.

Before he could, she swooped upon him- kissing him heatedly and humming with satisfaction against his mouth, sliding her arms around his neck. When she pulled away several long seconds later, her breath ghosted over his lips as she added; "Please?"

He felt himself teetering on the edge- close to giving in. With a tinge of irritation, he caught himself just as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I have no intention of allowing an animal to roam the halls of my home freely. It will more than likely cause more trouble than it is worth," he replied firmly.

"You don't know that for sure," she scolded, again leaning forward to place a kiss on his lips. "Besides, _I_ will be the one taking care of it. Not you. I'll make sure it doesn't make too much trouble."

She nuzzled his neck again, lips cool and soft as they dusted small kisses over his skin. Eyes closing, he again felt himself hovering close to giving in.

"Very well," he heard himself say before he'd even had the chance to think about it. He opened his eyes, inwardly cursing himself for this weakness. He would never understand how she managed to do this to him.

"Thank you," she whispered against his ear, arms tightening around him.

"I have stipulations. It will not be allowed in our sleeping quarters or in my meditation chamber- in fact, it is barred from any room I frequent," he said.

"That's doable."

"You will be held responsible for it and for everything it does."

"Fine."

Sarek paused as Amanda drew away to smile at him, eyes sparkling with excitement. He'd known as soon as he took the kitten from its hiding place in the bush that it would be a mistake- and he'd been right. But perhaps this was not an entirely bad thing, either... if she could care for a cat, she might be able to care for an infant as well.

Sarek was curious to see if his wife could handle the responsibility.

"Is it a human attribute to be so taken with an animal?" he asked.

"I suppose so," Amanda replied as she slid off his lap. "I need to go see if T'Shan is willing to get the things we'll need. _And_ I have to find the poor thing somewhere to sleep. Something to keep it warm... and I'm sure the poor thing's hungry."

He watched as she took out a PADD to make a list of the things they would need, the kitten now sleeping soundly as it curled up on her lap. He hadn't seen his wife so happy in quite some time... perhaps this _could_ be a way to channel her maternal instinct....

"Sarek?"

He blinked, refocusing his gaze to find her looking up at him quizzically.

"Yes?" he asked, leaning back on the divan.

"You're being awfully quiet," she said. Hesitating, she then added, "Are you sure about this? If you really don't want to, we can just-"

"I am sure," he answered before she could finish. "I was only wondering if this means we will not be working on your thesis this evening."

Smiling, she shook her head. "Too much to do, and you got home too late. It's almost bedtime. It won't hurt for me to take a night off."

Had Sarek not been Vulcan, he would have fallen off the divan at this. Amanda stating that she would take a "night off" from her thesis work was an unprecedented event. She had not taken a night off in weeks, aside from the trip to Betazed.

As it were, his only reaction was to raise both eyebrows questioningly.

"And," Amanda continued as she stood, holding the kitten in her hands as she leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I have other plans for you tonight."

He watched as she headed for the door, presumably to find T'Shan. Her silk robe rippled tantalizingly around her hips as she looked slyly over her shoulder at him.

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes," she added with a smirk before disappearing.

Again raising one eyebrow, Sarek decided that perhaps this was not a mistake after all.


	11. Temper

**A/N: Again, sorry for the delay... I've been having writer's block and motivational issues, LOL. But, I'm still here!**

**Chapter 11: Temper**

Despite Sarek's opposition, the kitten, who turned out to be female, was soon named T'Lynn after a renowned Vulcan philosopher. He maintained that naming a cat after a highly-respected historical figure was undignified, and although he made no further remarks on the name Amanda had chosen, he refused to refer to the kitten as anything but "the feline" or "the creature you insist we keep."

It didn't take long for Amanda to fall into a routine with T'Lynn. She rose early in the mornings, even on weekdays before work, to mix softly-scrambled eggs and a special feline milk formula together for the kitten's meals. After her morning meal, T'Lynn roamed the halls and inspected every corner of the house -- often creating as much havoc as possible. It was not unusual to find broken vases, tattered curtains, or overturned potted plants where the kitten had last been.

Sarek seemed exceptionally annoyed with the cat -- especially when she managed to slip into their bedchamber at night and hid under the bed until they fell asleep. While Amanda thought it was adorable to wake up to find the kitten nestled between them, Sarek was not amused as he gathered her up by the scruff of her neck and deposited her outside the door.

Amanda was quickly discovering what it would be like to be a parent. When not at work, she fed and played with T'Lynn, took her to a veterinarian for vaccinations, cleaned out the litter box, cleaned up the messes she often made of valuable possessions... soon, the tiny kitten was taking up much of her free time -- and much of her patience. While she was very fond of T'Lynn, every time she turned a corner to find something broken, she was tempted to find Sarek and tell him he was right.

But she didn't -- either because of pride, or because T'Lynn made up for her behavior when she curled up on her lap while she worked. The kitten would purr contentedly as Amanda absentmindedly stroked her silky fur, PADDs spread out before her on the desk as she strove to complete her thesis. Something about having the warm weight on her lap was comforting, and no matter how annoyed she may be, she always felt her anger fade away.

One evening, Amanda looked in on Sarek's office, as she always did before going to bed. He usually kept the door closed to prevent T'Lynn from entering the room, but tonight it was wide open. When she stepped inside, she found herself looking at a sight she'd never thought she would see -- and even then, she was tempted to pinch herself to make sure it wasn't a dream.

T'Lynn, whom Sarek usually avoided as much as possible, was perched on his desk. Barely two feet away from him, she watched silently as he entered a series of glyphs into his PADD, neither acknowledging the presence of the feline nor shooing it away.

Fighting back a smile, Amanda folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the door frame. For all his insistence that he found the cat's presence unbearable, because of her troublesome nature, he didn't seem to mind the fact that she was sitting on his desk -- a fact he was undoubtedly aware of.

Several silent seconds passed, and she continued to watch the two of them. And then -- movement. Amanda watched with rising amusement and incredulity as she saw Sarek's hand rise -- and then gently stroke the top of T'Lynn's head.

She couldn't help it. She burst into laughter, making the kitten jump and tumble off the desk. Sarek looked up at her, a thread of surprise shining through their bond.

"So much for 'unbearable,'" she said after finally calming down, continuing to chuckle quietly as she stepped further into the room.

"She was creating no trouble," Sarek said, raising an eyebrow as if to add, "for now."

Still unable to wipe the smile off her face, she came around his desk and leaned against the edge.

"You're starting to like her," she teased.

"I neither like nor dislike her. It is her penchant for destruction that forces me to disallow her presence," Sarek responded. Then, changing the subject, "Do you require something?"

"I have good news," Amanda said as she sat on the edge of his desk, smiling smugly down at him.

"Good news?" he repeated.

"I finished my thesis," she said, eyes sparkling with excitement, "and I just sent it to my professor. Finally, after _months_ of researching, writing, rewriting and editing...."

She sighed deeply, closing her eyes in bliss. When she opened them again, they fell on her husband.

"I'm actually going to have spare time again," she said thoughtfully.

"I am sure the feline will take up much of it," he said dryly, placing his PADDs in a desk drawer and standing.

"Not all." Amanda slid off the desk and smiled up at him. "I'll have time for you, too, so you won't get jealous."

Sarek exhaled rather forcefully, closing his eyes briefly as if asking for patience before looking at her again. "As I have told you numerous times, I do not 'get jealous.'"

Amanda slid her fingers over the dark fabric of his tunic, drawing him closer by pulling on his collar.

"Oh, really? You don't get jealous?" she asked teasingly, slowly running her hands over his chest. "So you haven't missed me when I neglected you for the past few months? You don't feel that even the _cat_ gets more attention from me than you do?"

"The feline _does_ require more attention than I do," he replied. "However, I never felt 'neglected.'"

Amanda pressed her lips together in an attempt to keep her smile at bay. She decided not to challenge this statement, refocusing on her reason for being there instead.

"Now that my schedule has been substantially cleared up, what do you propose we do?" she asked, voice low and suggestive.

"As it is a Tuesday evening, you generally go to bed early," he replied slowly.

"And generally, I go to bed alone," she added, eyes dancing with mischief as she looked up at him, "but not tonight."

"This is... unusual," he said as she slid her hands under his tunic. His hard abdominal muscles rippled under her touch as her fingers caressed the warm flesh, nails scraping gently.

"You know, Sarek," Amanda said evenly, "it's okay to break from routine every once in a while."

"I never said it was not."

She withdrew her hands from him and stepped back, her smile wicked as she looked up at him. "Are you coming to bed with me?" she asked.

"I can only assume this is a human ritual when one accomplishes a project," he said slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"It's called _celebrating_," she said with a smirk as she tugged on his hand, backing towards the door. "Aren't you relieved I'm finished, too?"

"I admit to experiencing a sense of relief," he said, "as your exceptional workload has disrupted our former routine, to which I was well-accustomed."

When he didn't follow her, Amanda stepped closer to him again and stood on her tiptoes, Sarek's cheek warm against hers as she whispered in his ear.

"And of course we can't have your routine disturbed," she murmured. "We'll just have to re-accustom ourselves."

Just as she started to pull away, Sarek turned his head and caught her lips in a kiss. She sighed against his mouth, every muscle in her body relaxing. Sliding her hands up his chest to cup his face, she deepened the kiss, his alien, coppery taste lingering on her tongue even after he pulled away.

"Tell me more about this... celebration," he said, the corners of his lips lifting slightly in one of the "smiles" he reserved for her.

"I'll be happy to -- in our bedchamber, Ambassador," she returned with a playful smile, stepping out of the warm circle of his arms and towards the door again. "Unless, of course, you'd rather write reports all night," she added with a mock-serious expression, her face schooled into an impression of an almost Vulcan-like mask. She'd perfected the look over the past year at banquets -- but the amused glint in her eye gave her away.

When he raised one black eyebrow and then walked past her to the door, she smiled to herself before following him.

* * *

Friday evening found Amanda waiting up late in the living room, sitting on the sofa with her legs stretched out before her and T'Lynn curled up on her lap, purring loudly. Despite several attempts to read the information on her PADD screen, Amanda's eyes were out of focus as she stared blankly at the text.

Four hours before, Sarek had informed her via the bond that he would not arrive home until close to midnight. She didn't normally stay up when he was so late -- but after the day's events, she'd decided to wait up for him.

For the past three days, she had enjoyed her newfound freedom. She'd found time to do things she hadn't been able to do in months; she visited friends after work, read a novel, watched a few holo-vids... she had been so absorbed in her thesis work for so long, she'd almost forgotten how peaceful boredom could be.

But then... that day after class....

She had been anxious all week as she waited for her anthropology professor's feedback. Sarek, who had read over her final draft for her, had pronounced her paper to be "adequate," which from him was high praise -- but what would her professor think? Would all of her hard work be rewarded with bad reviews? Had she wasted her time -- damaged her marriage -- for nothing?

She had hoped her professor would find the thesis interesting and well-informed, and had dreaded his telling her it was terrible. But what he _had_ told her after class that day, had not been what she expected at all.

The distant hissing of pneumatic doors drew her from her contemplation, and she looked up as Sarek appeared in the doorway. He stopped short when he observed her on the sofa, his surprise evident only through their bond.

"You're finally home," she said, smiling as she set aside her PADD and gently removed the kitten from her legs.

Sarek continued to eye her curiously, not saying a word. The oddity of the fact that she was still awake had not escaped him, and his black gaze told her he knew she had a reason for waiting for him.

Amanda cleared her throat as she stood, smoothing the wrinkles out of her silk robe. The excitement that had filled her since her conversation with her professor made it difficult for her to contain the good news as she opened her mouth to speak.

"I spoke to Professor Sharma today after class," she said, barely suppressing her grin. "About my thesis."

"I see...." Sarek said slowly, one eyebrow rising as he continued to look at her inquisitively.

"He... well, he liked it," she said, wetting her lips before continuing. "He showed it to my other professors."

"I do not see where this is going," Sarek said bluntly. "As I approved of your final work myself, it is only logical that your professor approve of it as well."

"One of my professors is the editor of an anthropology journal that is published monthly," Amanda continued. "The next issue is due to be sent out next week, and she was so impressed by my work, she wants to fit it in last-minute."

There was a pause, during which Sarek stared at her and she met his gaze defiantly, even as she experienced a sinking feeling in her gut. She wasn't sure what she had expected from him -- but the lack of enthusiasm over the bond told her something was wrong.

When he next spoke, his voice was so quiet she had to strain to hear it.

"I was under the impression only a few professional academicians, who can be trusted, were to read this paper."

"I thought so, too," she said slowly, "but I was wrong. They want to publish it."

"Ah." Another pause, and then; "Amanda, I assisted you because you assured me the number of readers would be small." His voice was still quiet, but laced with danger.

"What's the difference, Sarek?" she asked, brow furrowed as her excitement faded away, replaced with dismay. "A few readers or a few hundred -- why does it matter? You looked it over yourself. There's nothing in there you disapprove of."

"As I was comfortable in the knowledge that few would read it, I allowed you to include certain facts I may not have otherwise. I am not comfortable with it being widely read."

"It's not like I talked about Pon Farr," Amanda said, folding her arms over her chest and frowning at him. "I don't think anything I included in the paper would be damning to you or any other Vulcan --"

"Amanda, I do not believe you should allow this to be published," he cut her off matter-of-factly.

"You said yourself that you approve of it!" she reminded him.

"I would rather you not take a chance," he said. "There are others -- namely the Council -- who might disapprove of this."

Amanda felt her anger rising. Her fists clenched, nails sinking into her palms as she sought to control her temper. But, remembering her promise to herself -- and to Sarek -- to keep herself in check, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her voice was even and carefully controlled when she spoke again.

"You _know_ how hard I worked on this," she said. "You _know_ how many hours -- how many days, weeks, and months -- I spent on this thesis. It took up every spare second of my time. It drained me, physically and mentally. So why are you trying to stop me from taking advantage of such a great opportunity for my career -- the only chance I might ever get? Does my career mean so little to you?"

"On the contrary, I take great interest in your career, and support it within the reasonable bounds," Sarek replied calmly, "but while I approve of the quality of your work, I cannot approve its being read by those who are ignorant of my people's ways and may misinterpret. The Council already has an ill opinion of our marriage, and this certainly will not help."

And then, with the air of one sure the discussion was over, he abruptly turned to leave the living room. He paused in the doorway to add, "It is late. Perhaps we should retire," before reentering the entrance hall and ascending the staircase.

Amanda stared after him for a moment, but then her features hardened and she drew herself up as she picked up her PADD from the sofa and followed. Quickly climbing the steps, she caught up to him and moved to block his way, her face determined as she glared down at him.

"I'm not backing down this time, Sarek," she said firmly. "This time, I'm not going to apologize for doing something you disapprove of. This is _my_ paper, and my career. You can't keep me from publishing it just because you're _uncomfortable_ with it. This is _important_ to me, and you know that. You _know_ you don't really care what the Council thinks -- and it's not like they could place any blame on you, anyway. I'm willing to take full responsibility. All I want is a chance to have my own career."

Sarek looked up at her calculatingly for a moment, one eyebrow slowly creeping upward as he surveyed her stony countenance.

"Then by all means, publish the paper," he finally said, voice even, "but know that I will have no involvement with it."

"Then don't," she said with a shrug, although his lack of support both angered her and filled her with disappointment, "but it _will_ be published. A copy has already been sent in to the journal."

"As you said, it is your work, and it appears you are set on this," Sarek returned coolly.

"Then we understand each other, and this discussion is over," she said calmly, turning to head up the stairs. "I'm going to bed."

Neither spoke as he followed her upstairs and they entered their chamber. Amanda had been excited at the prospect of being published -- had looked forward to sharing the news with her husband. His cold response had not been expected, and as she climbed into bed and turned away from him as he joined her, irritation simmered within her.

But this time she knew she was right. She wasn't going to let Sarek make her feel guilty for taking this opportunity. No matter how much he disliked it, this could be her only chance -- and she was taking it.


	12. Messages

**A/N: It's a short chapter....**

**Chapter 12: Messages**

When the thesis was finally published, the effects were immediate -- and explosive.

During the preceding week, neither Sarek nor Amanda mentioned the paper. But when the journal arrived at her and countless others' electronic addresses, she found it extremely difficult to keep it to herself. When the reviews began to pour in, she found it nearly impossible.

She'd been nervous as she opened the messages her professor had forwarded from the journal's office. But her anxiety was pointless; relief had flooded her as she read the responses, which were mostly positive. They ranged from "insightful and well-written" to "an intriguing look at the dynamics between humans and Vulcans" and "an innovative piece that is likely to open the eyes of many to arrogant suppositions made about an ancient, deeply-private people...."

There were less-savory responses as well, sent by those who clung to the old beliefs that Vulcans were untrustworthy. Amanda deleted them after a cursory glance and annoyed eye-roll; she'd known there would be those who refused to see the light, refused to believe that most of what they _thought_ they knew about Vulcans were only misunderstandings. She'd been prepared for that -- and they were so few in number compared to the overwhelmingly good reviews, she was easily able to put them out of mind.

Then there were the calls, and the emails sent to her PADD.

"I'll have to hire an assistant if this keeps up," Amanda remarked to T'Shan after ending a transmission with a reporter who wanted to schedule an interview. "This is ridiculous."

But even while she thought it was ridiculous, she found that she could barely contain her excitement. Day and night, her PADD beeped and her comm-unit chimed with incoming requests for interviews, invitations to present her paper at conferences and seminars, messages from expert anthropologists who wanted her input on Vulcans, and even offers to attend off-planet inter-cultural events. There were times when it became tiresome -- but to Amanda, it was a sign of her career taking off.

"That may be a wise choice," T'Shan replied as she extracted T'Lynn from the long drapes, which she had been in the process of tearing to shreds as Amanda answered her messages. "_Must_ you allow the feline in your office?" she asked, slightly disgruntled.

But Amanda was already leaning over her desk again, filling in the calendar on her PADD. Two weeks since the thesis had been published, and she was already booked solid for several months....

When she didn't reply, T'Shan went instead to the comm-unit to begin checking for recorded transmissions. After a minute's pause, she said, "_Osu_ Sarek has sent a message. His transport was delayed, but he will be home late tonight and insists that you not wait up for him."

Amanda sighed, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her temples where a headache was forming. She felt exhausted, her whole body heavy; she had been even busier the last few weeks than she had been while actually writing the thesis, and it was slowly draining her of all her energy. She'd been looking forward to seeing Sarek that evening, to taking a break and cuddling up with him in bed -- to drifting off to sleep while listening to his voice, his warmth soaking into her. He had been gone for a whole week, attending a conference off-planet, and she was disappointed to hear he wouldn't be back until late.

For the most part, their attempts to pretend the disagreement had not happened had been successful. They had continued to speak, still ate meals together, and even remained affectionate with one another -- or at least, as affectionate as was possible for Sarek. But there was something in his quiet manner that seemed different, and Amanda herself found it difficult to find topics for conversation during dinner. Her thesis was the only thing she was eager to discuss, but out of respect for her husband's thoughts on the matter, she didn't bring it up.

It was frustrating; the one person who had intimate knowledge of the contents of the paper -- who had even helped her with it -- was the one person she could not talk to about it. While Sarek didn't seem angry with her, something told her he didn't want to discuss the paper and would avoid the subject as much as possible. As more and more calls came in and her schedule quickly filled up -- her horizons expanding -- she was disappointed that she couldn't share it with him.

"I have sorted the recordings into three separate files," T'Shan said, breaking the silence and pulling Amanda from her reverie. "Invitations, reporters and miscellaneous. Shall I delete the reporter file?"

It took Amanda a moment to realize T'Shan had made a joke. A bad joke, but a joke nonetheless. A year before, she wouldn't have thought it possible -- but living with a human could do strange things to a Vulcan....

She smiled as she shook her head. "No. Unfortunately, I'll have to submit to an interview or two, but I'm going to be careful about who I select. Thanks for helping, T'Shan. You can go, I'm just going to finish up a few things before going to bed."

As T'Shan left, T'Lynn leapt up onto her lap, rubbing her furry gray head against Amanda's free hand and purring happily as she kneaded her paws against her thigh.

"I guess I'll just have to cuddle up with you tonight," Amanda said, stroking her under the chin. The kitten's eyes closed lazily as she turned back to her PADD.

Bringing up her messages, she began to read them, slowly making her way down the long list. She replied to some, deleted others, and saved a few to peruse later. She had been at this task for almost an hour when she reached a string of old messages, which she had saved weeks before while busy writing her thesis and meant to get back to, but never had.

Her gaze fell on a month-old message marked "Reminder." Brow furrowed, she accessed the file.

And as she scanned the text, her eyes widened and her lips parted slightly with a gasp.

* * *

Sarek was not usually prone to exhaustion, but as he finally exited the hover-car and walked up the path leading to the front doors, he felt it creeping upon him. He had slept little during the past week, spending his time in meetings or taking care of other ambassadorial duties instead, and it was taking its toll on him.

It had been a long journey, and he was relieved to be home -- relieved to be able to climb into bed and fall asleep beside his wife for the first time in seven days. The fact that they were at odds on the matter of her thesis was of little relevance to him; it was done, and there was nothing he could do. He saw no reason to disrupt the peace between them. At the moment, he only wanted to feel her cool skin against his, to listen to her even breathing as she slept....

The house was silent and dark as he entered the hall. He made his way to the staircase, climbing the steps up to the corridor that led to their bedchamber. When he reached the door, it slid open with a quiet hiss and he stepped inside.

He had only taken a few steps toward the closet, removing his cloak as he did so, when the sound of his name came forth from the dark shadows of the bed.

"Sarek?" Her voice was soft, almost timid.

He stopped, turning to face the bed. Amanda was sitting up with her back against the headboard, arms wrapped around her knees, which were drawn up to her chest. She had been waiting for him, he realized.

"It is late, almost three in the morning. I thought you would be asleep by now," he said.

She shook her head, moving to slide off the bed. Her bare feet padded against the floor as she came to him, taking his cloak from his hands and hanging it in the closet.

"I couldn't sleep," she confessed, her back still turned to him. "I thought I'd might as well stay up to welcome you home. How was your trip?"

"Productive, but quite tedious, as always," he replied. Unlike the last time she had stayed awake to see him, no excitement radiated from her. As she turned to him again, her face illuminated by silver moonlight, she looked almost grim.

Every other time she waited up for him, she had a reason to do so. And now, as he looked down at her less-than-happy countenance, a sense of foreboding began to fill him. Something was not right....

"Why were you unable to sleep?" he asked.

She shrugged, dropping her gaze to the floor without a reply.

"Amanda?" he asked, stepping towards her. She did not move, but her eyes met his again. "Is this somehow related to our disagreement? If it is, you should know that, while I do not condone the publishing of this paper --"

"Sarek," she said quietly, but he continued.

"-- I confess I am rather proud --"

"_Sarek_." She repeated his name a little more forcefully.

He fell silent, watching her inquisitively as she took a deep breath, as if preparing to say something difficult. Tapping into their link, he was uneasy as he felt something unexpected from her -- _fear_.

Her eyes moistened as he looked down into them with concern, her voice dropping to a whisper as she spoke two words: "I'm pregnant."


	13. The Second Time Around

**A/N: Bad science alert! As this is Star Trek, I reserve the right to use fake science (hey, TOS writers did it, too!). I'm not a geneticist or anything, so I apologize to those of you who are scientists and are cringing at this. :)**

**Chapter 13: The Second Time Around**

The room was silent, Amanda's words hanging heavily in the air between them. Sarek's expression remained unchanged as she looked anxiously up at him, searching for some sign of a reaction -- but finding none. There was not so much as a flicker of surprise across his features, and nothing from the bond at all.

She wasn't sure how long he only stood there, looking down at her without a word. It felt like minutes, but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds before his silence unnerved her and she began to speak again.

"I... I found out just a few hours ago," she said. "I was checking old messages and came across an appointment reminder for my three-month contraceptive. I... I don't know how I could have made such a mistake, but I must have forgotten it."

There was another uncomfortable pause and then, finally, Sarek spoke.

"I see."

She wasn't sure what response she had expected, but "I see" had not been it. With a sinking sensation in her stomach, she continued, "The hypo must have worn off weeks ago, but I never got my cycle. I suspected right away."

Amanda was disliking her husband's silence more and more; it was unusual, even for him, and she didn't like not knowing what he was thinking. Was he pleased that she carried his child? Angry that she had made such a mistake? Disappointed in her lack of responsibility? His cool, blank expression revealed nothing.

"And you are sure?" he asked, folding his arms over his chest with a small frown.

"I checked with the home medical tricorder," she replied, slightly annoyed that he'd thought she wouldn't have had the sense to check.

Sarek turned away from her, taking off his boots and placing them in the closet. As he removed his tunic, he spoke again, his voice flat.

"I am confused by your reaction. The emotion I sense from you indicates that you are not pleased," he stated.

"No, I'm not," she replied quietly. "I'm scared."

He turned to her again, eyebrows drawn together in puzzlement. "I was under the impression you wanted a child. Have you changed your stance on that matter?"

"I _do_ want one. That's why I'm scared." She blinked back unexpected tears, hugging her arms around herself as she continued to look up at him. "I don't want to lose this one, too," she whispered.

At her words, a change came over him. His stern features softened slightly, tension easing out of his shoulders. Over the bond she sensed warmth and tenderness as he came to her, cupping the sides of her face with his hands and forcing her to look up at him. "You will not," he said firmly. "It is not too late to take measures to prevent it. We are better prepared this time."

But his words of comfort did nothing to quell the fear Amanda had felt ever since the moment when she first realized she was pregnant. It was supposed to be a joyous time; she had always thought that when it finally happened, she would be excited and happy. Fear had not been what she expected to feel, but with her discovery had come a tide of memories from her previous miscarriage... and the pain it had caused them both.

"It will not happen again, if it can be prevented," Sarek assured her as he sensed her thoughts and pressed his forehead against hers. "I have no desire to lose it, either."

"And if I _do_ lose the baby?" Her voice was hushed as she asked the question, her eyes welling with hot tears as she looked up at him.

He did not reply to that, and only pressed his forehead harder against hers in admonishment before saying, "You must sleep. We will leave for Vulcan in the morning, to see T'Para."

xxx

Vulcan. It was forever unchanging: tall, sweeping stone buildings topped with jagged spires; fine, powdery sand rising into the air to suffuse the evening sky with a tint of red; Mount Seleya, proudly standing beyond the desert outside Shi'Kahr, thrown into deep shadow as the hot Vulcan sun sank behind it....

The hover-car's engine hummed gently as Amanda turned her gaze from the view outside the window to stare unseeingly down at her PADD screen. T'Shan had taken it upon herself to intercept and sort through Amanda's calls and messages for her while she was off-planet, and had forwarded them to her electronic address for review -- but Amanda's mind could not be farther from her work. Despite having had the PADD in her lap throughout the duration of the journey to Vulcan, she had made little progress.

Try as she might to prevent it, her mind kept wandering to the tiny, fragile life she carried; the life that was in danger every moment it resided within her. Sarek's reassurances had done nothing to ease her worries about losing it -- and in fact, they seemed to only grow worse as time went on.

She hadn't slept well the night before; her brain had simply refused to shut off, the same thoughts circling in her head over and over again. They'd had a plan. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. They were supposed to wait until they were ready, and then undergo the safest procedure for their child. But she was quickly realizing that plans did not always work out, and she knew she no longer had a choice in the matter.

Amanda couldn't recall when her mind finally quieted and she was able to fall asleep, but she did remember a whisper in her ear: "Sleep, Amanda," and then warm fingers stroking the side of her face before she had succumbed to the darkness....

But now, Sarek's Vulcan mind touch could not save her from her turbulent thoughts. The fear was back; fear that Sarek was wrong and there would be no saving their child... the thought sent a shiver down her spine, her throat constricting until it was hard to breathe.

Movement out of the corner of her eye made her look up. Sarek leaned forward, placing his hand on her arm as he said, in a low voice, "We will go directly to T'Para's laboratory, rather than stop at my ancestral home. She has cleared her schedule to see us."

Amanda was sure he had sensed her thoughts and was attempting to comfort her, but for once, not even he could soothe her. "Let's just hope something can be done," she said with a strained smile, placing her hand over his and squeezing. "What are you working on?" she asked, changing the subject as she glanced at the PADD he had pored over during the entire trip from Earth to Vulcan.

"I am researching a subject that is of interest to me," he replied.

Taking his short response as an indication that he had no desire to talk about it, Amanda tried to turn her attention to the PADD on her lap. Within seconds, she was again staring out the window, eyes unfocused as she wondered: when she left Vulcan to return to Earth, would she be happy -- or heartbroken? Only time would tell, but she wasn't sure if she could handle her heart being broken again.

The distance from the transporter station to T'Para's building was not far, but to Amanda it felt like hours before she finally stepped out of the hover-car and into the oppressive heat that blanketed the desert planet

"T'Para will be waiting for us in her office," Sarek said as he led her into the building and toward a lift. "I have apprised her of the situation."

Amanda did not respond, but as they stepped off the lift a few moments later and neared the door leading into T'Para's office, she felt dread rising within her. Her chest became tighter with every step she took down the hallway. She knew what the geneticist would say, and she did not look forward to the upcoming procedure at all. But for her baby's life... she would do anything.

The door slid open before they reached it. Stepping inside, Amanda once again found herself in the office of Sarek's former betrothed.

"_Osu_ Sarek, Lady Amanda," T'Para greeted as she rose from the seat behind her desk. "I have been expecting you."

Looking around, Amanda took in the wide windows that overlooked the city, the chairs neatly arranged to face the desk; the shelves full of PADDs, ancient Vulcan artifacts and models of alien strands of DNA. Another Vulcan woman was seated in a chair off to the side, and as Amanda watched, she stood and bowed her head in Amanda's and Sarek's direction without a word.

"T'Ren," Amanda said, surprised. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"I read in your file that Lady T'Ren is your physician. If we are to ensure the survival of this child, I must work with her," T'Para explained. Gesturing to the chairs before her desk, she added, "Please be seated."

They took their seats and T'Para picked up her PADD, quickly reading her notes before beginning. "In our first consultation, we discussed your options for conception. The choices were either in-vitro fertilization or another procedure that involved the removal of the embryo from the womb for gestation and monitoring in a laboratory. As you have already successfully conceived, the first option is now void and we have no choice but to plan for the removal of the --"

Sarek held up a hand, and T'Para immediately stopped speaking. She looked at him quizzically as he spoke.

"There is another option, T'Para," he said slowly.

Amanda's lips parted in surprise as she turned to look at him. Another option? Since when? "What are you talking about, Sarek?" she asked.

"I am unaware of any other options, _osu_," T'Para coolly stated. "I would have shared them with you."

"There is one, and I am sure you have heard of it, given your field of expertise," Sarek said, raising an eyebrow. "I am referring to the substance with an identification code of EM131."

Amanda stared at her husband questioningly, but he did not look at her. His gaze was leveled on T'Para, whose eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch as she leaned back in her chair.

"The epigenetic morphogen?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied.

There was a pause, Amanda looking between her husband and the geneticist with growing confusion and frustration as she struggled to understand. Then T'Para spoke.

"The idea is preposterous. EM131 is still in the testing phase."

"The trial period is almost over. I spent the time during the journey from Earth reading the reports, and the effects have been positive in eighty-three point one percent of participants for the study."

"Wait -- what exactly -- " Amanda began, leaning forward in her chair, but it seemed the two Vulcans had forgotten her as T'Para continued to speak to Sarek.

"If you have read these reports, you would also know that none of the participants were Vulcan. There is no knowing how the chemical would affect Vulcan DNA."

"_What_ chemical?" Amanda asked impatiently, her fists clenching on the arm rests of her chair. Again, her question was ignored as Sarek addressed T'Para.

"Yet all the experiments involving Rigelians were successful. I am sure you, as a geneticist, do not require me to remind you that Rigelian and Vulcan DNA share similar genetic structure," Sarek said.

"Until it has been tested on Vulcans, I would not recommend EM131 in this case," T'Para said flatly.

"It would be a far safer option than either of those you proposed. The risk for Amanda would be minimal, and the child would stand a higher chance of survival than if it were removed from the womb."

T'Para opened her mouth to respond, but Amanda, her frustration coming to a peak, spoke before she could.

"Excuse me -- I _am_ right here," she said coldly. T'Para and Sarek both finally looked at her. "What exactly _is_ this EM131?" she asked.

Sarek answered, "EM131 is a substance -- an epigenetic morphogen -- that can be used to suppress certain genes. In this case, it would be used to target those that interfere with physiological development. The stem cells of the embryo would be especially susceptible to its morphogenic properties at this time."

"But it hasn't been tested on Vulcan DNA," Amanda said slowly, drawing her eyebrows together as she frowned doubtfully. The thought of the risks this implied made her shift uncomfortably in her chair; her former sense of dread and concern grew, threatening to overwhelm her.

"It has not, but there is little reason to believe it would not work. EM131 can be specifically engineered for different genes; its success depends entirely on the geneticist who prepares it." He looked pointedly at T'Para, who stiffened in her chair.

"EM131 is, indeed, a complicated substance. Geneticists must complete the formula themselves to ensure it suppresses the intended proteins in the DNA. However, I am sure I could properly adjust the formula. That is not the issue; besides my reluctance to use a chemical that has not yet been approved by the Federation, there is also the matter of obtaining it. Very few have access to it."

"And according to the trial database, you _do_ have access to it," Sarek said with a risen eyebrow.

"The database is confidential," T'Para said reproachfully, eyes narrowing as she regarded him.

"An ambassador's privilege, T'Para," he said, the corners of his mouth lifting in a smirk.

T'Para did not reply to this, but her lips were pursed slightly as Amanda turned to Sarek. "You're sure about this?" she asked quietly. "You really think there is a chance it will work? That it's safe?"

He nodded once, and while he did not speak aloud, his voice filled her mind; _"Amanda, I would not have suggested it if I thought it was too dangerous for either you or our child."_

Knowing that this was certainly true, Amanda bit her lip, sighed, and turned back to T'Para. "How would it be given? A hypo?" she asked.

For the first time since they'd entered the room, T'Ren spoke up from behind them.

"Nanites would be a simple solution. They can administer certain treatments on a microscopic scale, and can also be programmed to administer said chemical to a certain DNA signature. If I programmed them with the embryo's genetic information, the nanites would only target the embryo and you would not be exposed to it at all."

"Nanites," Amanda repeated, uneasy at the idea of hundreds of microscopic machines in her body.

"Yes. They would be injected into you via hypospray and travel through the bloodstream."

Amanda glanced from T'Ren, to Sarek, and then to T'Para's stony face. The firm set of the geneticist's jaw and the slight furrowing of her eyebrows made it clear that she did not approve of this plan. She herself had reservations about using a non-Federation-approved substance -- especially when her child's life was on the line -- but if Sarek thought it might work....

"I want to do this," Amanda finally said in a low tone, forcing away her lingering doubts. "This sounds like the safest option, for both me and the baby."

"Lady Amanda -- " T'Para began, her black eyebrows drawing even closer together.

"I know you wouldn't recommend it," Amanda said quietly, "but we have to try. I want this baby to live, and I trust you to help me do that."

T'Para briefly closed her eyes, then opened them again. Her face was smoother than before as she spoke resignedly; "Very well. It is your decision. But you must know that there will still be complications in this pregnancy, and even if this is successful, it does not guarantee that the child will survive to term."

"There's a risk no matter what," Amanda said. "I know that. But I'm not going to just sit here."

T'Para shifted her gaze from Amanda at last and looked down at the PADD on her desk, frowning slightly as she picked up her stylus and brought something up on her screen. Her eyes moved over the text for several seconds before she set the PADD aside again.

"You are fortunate. We have samples of EM131 in store in the laboratory. If you wish, we can begin the preliminary procedures now," she said as she stood from her desk. "If you would prefer to wait until morning, that is also acceptable."

"No. I want to get it over with," Amanda replied without hesitation, glancing over at her husband.

Sarek nodded once in agreement, and without another word, T'Para headed to the door. He, Amanda and T'Ren rose from their seats and fell in behind her.

xxx

T'Para led the others up two floors and down a hallway to a pair of double doors. When they slid open at her command, the group found themselves in a large laboratory divided into a dozen cubicles and work stations, the hum of machines filling the air. It was beginning to darken outside, and the lab was empty.

T'Ren stepped forward, now looking down at her own PADD. "I will need a full-body medical scan to acquire the information I need. T'Para, I shall forward the genetic information for both Lady Amanda and the child to you. While you complete the formula, I will ready the nanites."

"How long will this take?" Amanda asked as T'Ren slid back a panel of curtains in a nearby cubicle to reveal a biobed.

"It will take a few hours to complete the formula," T'Para replied as she went past them to a cooling unit and removed a sealed container filled with a golden liquid.

Amanda laid back on the biobed with a shaky sigh as T'Ren took out her medical tricorder and began to move it over her abdomen. Sarek stood in the doorway to the lab, arms folded over his chest as he watched.

"The embryo is three weeks and one day old," T'Ren said. "It is fortunate you discovered the pregnancy so soon."

"It is," Amanda agreed quietly. "This time, I at least have a chance to try to save it." She was silent for a few seconds as she watched the physician run the scanner over her chest, then she spoke again, voice lowered as she glanced over to where T'Para was leaning over a microscope; "T'Ren... do you think this will work?"

The Vulcan did not look at her, her eyes trained on the tricorder screen as she replied, "I cannot say, Lady Amanda, but I suggest you prepare yourself for whatever the outcome might be."

Closing her eyes and leaning her head back, Amanda swallowed hard. Her stomach began to flutter with anxiety as she thought about the possibility that this was a mistake -- a mistake that could result in the loss of her child. And although he did not show it, Sarek was every bit as apprehensive as she was. She could feel it through their link, and found it more comforting than any words he could have said; it meant she wasn't alone.

xxx

As had the ride from the transporter station to T'Para's lab, and the long journey from Earth to Vulcan before that, the hours waiting for the completed nanites seemed to stretch on endlessly as Amanda waited. She took to pacing the length of the laboratory, and although Sarek remained at his position at the doors, his eyes followed her and she knew he was pacing with her.

The two Vulcan women worked silently at their separate tasks, not even looking up when Amanda's passage disturbed the air around them. She glanced nervously at them every ten seconds, biting her lip hard, her arms wrapped around herself as she continued to pace. The same questions, the same doubts, chased each other in her mind, and her heart pounded sickeningly fast in her chest as she waited for the moment the nanites would be injected into her -- and her child's future would be decided.

She would never be able to forgive herself it this was a failure, and the longer she waited, the more she doubted her decision and wondered if it was too late to change her mind....

When she began what felt like the hundredth lap, she felt warm hands on her shoulders, guiding her back to the biobed.

"Rest," Sarek said sternly, making her sit down and sitting beside her.

"Are you sure this will work?" Amanda asked distractedly, twisting her trembling hands in her lap as she stared at T'Para's work station. "What if we should have gone with the other option? What if this is a waste of time, and the price we pay is our baby's life?"

"It is not a waste of time, I assure you. Had we consulted with any other geneticist, I would be in doubt of the outcome, but T'Para is the best in her field. She will make no mistakes, Amanda."

Not really reassured, she leaned against him with a sigh. He did not usually allow such contact around others, but this time, he did not move away, and when she slipped her hand into his he did not withdraw it.

"I hope you're right," she whispered, voice breaking slightly as the tightness in her chest increased. His hand tightened around hers, and although he said nothing, she knew he hoped so, too.

Finally, three hours after their arrival, T'Para and T'Ren, who had been conversing quietly at one of the stations, turned to the biobed.

"It is ready," T'Para calmly announced.

Immediately, Amanda sat up straighter, every muscle in her body tensed as Sarek stood to move aside for T'Ren. The physician came forward, carrying a hypo filled with a silver substance. Amanda watched, biting her lip hard, as T'Ren lifted her shirt and placed the tip of the hypo against a spot on her abdomen. There was a hiss, a prickling sensation -- and then nothing.

"You should not experience side-effects from this," T'Ren said as she turned to her medical bag and began to ready a series of hyposprays. "But if this is successful, the pregnancy itself will take a great toll on you. You will be required to take several medications a day, starting now."

Amanda nodded, still staring at the place on her stomach where she had been injected. She tried to imagine the tiny computers now speeding through her veins to her baby -- to either bring it a chance at life, or a sentence of death. It was done. There was no going back -- no changing her mind. The thought left her feeling numb, helpless.

"How will we know if it worked?" she asked when she could finally find words again.

"We wait," T'Para's quiet voice came. Amanda looked up to see the Vulcan standing at the end of the biobed, her arms folded over her chest, her posture mirroring Sarek's. "If the embryo has not been rejected from your body two weeks from now, it was a success."

_We wait._ The words echoed around the room and inside Amanda's head. A knot formed in her stomach, squeezing tighter as fear shot through her again. Two weeks... she had to wait that long to learn the fate of her unborn child. It seemed an insurmountable span of time to wait to see if she had made a huge mistake.

She met Sarek's gaze across the room. He said nothing, but sent her reassurance; they would wait together. She was not alone.

And so she prepared herself for what would be the longest wait of her life.


	14. Waiting

**A/N: I'm ba-a-a-a-ack!**

**I can't believe I haven't updated this since May! I am so, so, so, SO sorry this took so long. First I struggled with writer's block, then I wanted to finish Inhibitions so I could concentrate on this. Hopefully this chapter will make it up to you (if there are even any readers left, LOL!). Please review to let me know y'all haven't abandoned me!**

**Chapter 14: Waiting**

The wide corridors of Sarek's ancestral home were empty; the servants had not yet returned to duty following their nightly rest and meditation. The sun was only just rising, bathing the maze-like halls and expansive chambers in gold and crimson light. The high ceilings above were still lost in shadow. This was when the residence was at its most peaceful, and roaming its halls alone had long been part of his morning routine.

He had completed his exercise and meditation regimen in the darkness of pre-dawn; now he was on his way for the final part of his morning ritual. He strode purposefully but quietly down the corridor to his bedchamber, the swish and rustle of his robes the only indication of his presence. While he knew Amanda required more rest than he, she insisted that he awaken her every morning.

At his arrival, the door leading into the bedchamber slid open with a hiss and he stepped inside. When he saw that the bed was empty, the covers thrown back, he stopped. This was unusual; Amanda was not an early riser.

However, it did not take him long to pinpoint his wife's whereabouts. Moving to the closed bathroom door, he heard the telltale retching.

"Amanda?" he called when the sounds finally subsided.

There came the sound of the air-flush, then water running in the sink. "I'll be out in a minute," she called back tiredly.

He waited outside while she finished cleaning up. When the door opened and she stepped out, he noted the paleness of her skin and the dark circles forming under her eyes. They had been on Vulcan a week, and those seven days had taken their toll on her.

"I think the medication T'Ren put me on is making it worse," Amanda muttered as she moved slowly toward the bed. "Only the second day of morning sickness and I already feel like I've vomited up my entire stomach."

"According to what I have read on the subject, the nausea termed 'morning sickness' generally dissipates by the fourteenth or twenty-second week."

Apparently, this was the incorrect thing to say. Amanda lifted her head from her pillow to glare at him. "Oh, _that's_ encouraging," she said sarcastically.

He said nothing as she laid her head back down. He watched her for a moment before coming to the bed and sitting beside her. "This sickness is a sign that the pregnancy is progressing normally, is it not?" he asked.

Amanda's eyes cracked open and she looked up at him. "I suppose it is," she replied wearily.

She closed her eyes again with a sigh. Sarek looked at her still face for a few seconds, then did something that was unusual for him: he reached over and stroked her cheek tenderly before leaning over and placing a kiss on her temple.

"According to T'Para, in one more week you and the child will be safe," he murmured into her ear as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"A week can feel like a long time, Sarek. I already feel as if we've been here forever, waiting and waiting," she said. When he pulled away, he saw that tears glistened in her eyes. Before he could say anything to prevent her from crying, she went on; "I'm so _tired_ of the fear. I want this wait to be over. When can I start being _happy_ about having a baby?"

The tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes, but she hastily brushed them away. She then tried, without success, to smile up at him. "I shouldn't be crying all over you. Don't you have packing to do?"

Sarek had canceled most of his appointments and meetings for the next two weeks; there was, however, one meeting he could not back out of, although he had tried. The Federation President was far too busy to reschedule his meeting with the Vulcan ambassador, and refused to conduct important meetings via subspace for security reasons. Sarek had no choice but to go to San Francisco. He was uneasy at the idea of leaving Amanda alone on Vulcan under the current circumstances, and had resolved to make the trip as short as possible.

"There are still three hours left before my transport's departure," Sarek replied. "Amanda, it is clear you are still upset over this situation. T'Ren specifically told you to avoid stress."

Amanda gave him a small, sad smile. "You know as well as I do that being worried is unavoidable."

Pushing aside his own concerns, Sarek opened his mouth to try to reassure his wife; before he could even form the words, there was a lurch in his stomach - a sudden wave of nausea washing over him.

Clapping a hand over her mouth, Amanda jumped off the bed and rushed back toward the bathroom. The sounds of more retching reached his ears from the open door.

Ignoring the roiling of his stomach, Sarek rose from the bed and followed her. He found her kneeling before the toilet, her face pale, sweat beading on her forehead. Raising a trembling hand, she pushed her hair back from her face and heaved a shuddering sigh.

Sarek ran cold water over a wash cloth and knelt beside her.

"Thanks," she said hoarsely as he gently sponged her face. "It's just dry heaves now. I wish T'Shan were here... she makes the best mint tea."

"You said that yesterday, also."

"It's no less true now," Amanda said as she moved to sit on the floor. Leaning her head back against the tiled wall, she closed her eyes with another sigh.

"When your stomach has settled, you must try to eat," Sarek said.

Amanda groaned and placed a hand on her stomach. "Don't _even_ mention food right now."

Sarek looked at her uncertainly for a moment, not sure what he should do next. Then he sank down to sit on the floor beside her. They sat in silence for several minutes before she opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.

"I'll be fine while you're gone, you know," she said gently. "You'll only be gone a day."

"Be that as it may, I am still reluctant to go," Sarek said. "If something were to happen..."

He trailed off, not daring to finish his sentence. Amanda slipped her cool hand into his and squeezed his fingers.

"Nothing will happen," she said firmly. "I'll be fine. The baby will be fine. I'm sure of it."

He knew she was trying to convince herself as well as him, and for that reason he did not point out that the odds were not in their favor.

Sarek did not know how long they sat on the bathroom floor together, but eventually Amanda fell asleep with her head on his shoulder and he carried her back to bed. She slept soundly as he quietly packed what he would need for the short trip; by the time he had to go to the shuttle port, she still had not awakened.

He sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed her hair away from her face. Her eyes fluttered open and she blinked up at him a few times before a small, sleepy smile appeared on her lips.

"I am about to leave," he told her.

Her eyes slipped closed again. "Have a safe trip," she murmured, already falling asleep again. "I love you."

Sarek allowed himself to lightly caress her cheek one last time, transmitting his own affection to her before getting up and moving reluctantly to the door.

XXXXX

Amanda didn't wake up until well past noon. With a groan, she rolled over onto her other side and rested her head on Sarek's empty pillow.

_It's only one day_, she reminded herself as a pang of loneliness shot through her. She had been separated from her husband for much longer than that in the past. A year ago, when they were living on Vulcan, they'd been separated for weeks while Sarek was stranded on Earth due to a pilot strike. But something was different this time; his not being there with her right now left her feeling more alone than ever before.

Her brooding thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door chiming behind her. Lifting her head from the pillow, she called out, "Come in."

There was a hiss as the door opened, and the soft whisper of Vulcan slippers against the marble floor. Amanda caught a whiff of something that smelled suspiciously like waffles and quickly buried her face in the pillow.

"Take that away," she moaned. "Are you _trying_ to make me sick?"

"I am not trying to make you sick, Lady Amanda," said a familiar voice. "You require nourishment. _Osu_ Sarek said you have not eaten since last night."

Forgetting all about the aromas now wafting through the air, Amanda sat up. "T'Shan?" she asked incredulously. "When did _you_ get here?"

"I arrived just as _Osu_ Sarek was leaving. He contacted me last night and asked me to come," T'Shan replied, picking up a spoon to stir the contents of a cup. "As he left, he told me to ensure that you eat something."

"As much as I know I need to eat, _that_ is not at all appetizing to me right now," Amanda said, wrinkling up her nose at the tray of food on the bedside table.

"Drink this; the mint will settle your stomach," T'Shan instructed as she handed the tea to her. "Then eat a few crackers. Sometimes, having a light amount of food in one's stomach before getting out of bed will prevent the nausea."

Peering curiously at T'Shan over the rim of her teacup, Amanda asked, "How much did Sarek tell you?"

T'Shan sat on the edge of the bed, her hands folded in her lap as she studied the human before her. "He said enough for me to guess at the reason for your hasty departure. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the hyposprays on the bedside table."

Amanda avoided the Vulcan woman's gaze and took a sip of the tea. The taste was cool and refreshing, and as promised, it soothed her churning stomach.

"We went to see T'Para and T'Ren last week," she said, frowning down at the cup as she cradled it in her hands. "They did all they could, but we won't know for another week if it was successful, and then they want me to stay _another_ week for monitoring."

"But you are hopeful?"

Amanda hesitated. "I'm... I'm trying to be."

"'_Trying_ to be'?" T'Shan echoed as she leaned over to place the tray in Amanda's lap.

"Even though the procedure was Sarek's idea, I can feel his doubt," she replied quietly. "He's tried so hard this past week to hide it from me, but I know he's concerned about another miscarriage."

"I am certain he wants you to bear this child as much as you do," T'Shan assured her.

"He does. I _know_ he does. I think he's just... afraid to get his hopes up."

"And you are not concerned about being over-optimistic?"

"Of course I am," Amanda said, setting her empty teacup on the bedside table. "I'm scared shitless, as we humans say. But I'm not going to just lay here and wait to start bleeding. Hope is the only thing keeping me from going insane right now."

"Perhaps _Osu_ Sarek cannot look past his pragmatic expectations to hope for himself. He needs some of yours," T'Shan said, looking up at Amanda pointedly. "Hope is not a Vulcan emotion, and bondmates must be each other's strength in times of despair and pain."

Amanda watched T'Shan thoughtfully as the older woman stood to open the drapes. Hot Vulcan sunshine poured into the room, the dazzling beams of light falling across the bed and making the silverware on her tray glimmer. Suddenly, the waffles - crispy and smelling mildly of cinnamon, free of butter or syrup - looked much more appetizing, and Amanda picked up her fork.

"Thank you, T'Shan," she whispered without looking up. She wasn't sure what she was thanking her for - but whether it was for the waffles or her words of wisdom, the Vulcan seemed to understand as she nodded once and sat back down to keep her company.

XXXXX

With Sarek's return the next day came Amanda's first real seeds of hope; more than a week had gone by since the procedure, and as the next seven days passed without incident, the tight knot of fear in her chest began to loosen. For the first time, she truly began to believe that everything would be alright. And, with Amanda's resurgence of hope, even Sarek was beginning to believe there was a chance.

Both he and T'Shan fussed over her constantly. If she hadn't been throwing up half the time, she would have found it amusing; as things stood, she could only be grateful for their attentions. Their presence at her side helped to strengthen her.

But, despite her growing confidence, when it finally came time to enter T'Para's lab again, Amanda felt apprehension and fear slowing her steps. What if something had gone wrong, but her body did not yet know it? Dreadful possibilities turned themselves over and over in her mind until Sarek finally intervened.

"Stop it, Amanda," he said sternly, for his sake as well as hers.

They were walking down the corridor from the lift to T'Para's lab, each step taking them closer to finding out the fate of their child. Amanda did not respond; she folded her arms over her breasts and bit her lip as the lab doors slid open.

"_Osu_ Sarek, Lady Amanda," T'Ren said, nodding to each as she rose from her chair to greet them.

"T'Ren," Sarek acknowledged. Amanda managed only a curt nod in the Vulcan physician's direction as she sat down on a nearby biobed.

As T'Ren readied her medical tricorder for the examination, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, T'Para entered the lab. She came to stand at the foot of the bed, watching wordlessly as T'Ren started to scan Amanda's abdomen - there, no doubt, to see if her latest experiment had worked.

Sarek stood at Amanda's side. Through the bond, she knew he was as anxious as she; so anxious, in fact, that it was beginning to show on his normally-placid features. His hands were folded before him, his eyebrows drawn together, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth as he watched T'Ren intently.

The lab was silent, the only sounds the beeping of the tricorder echoing around the large, empty room. It seemed everyone was holding their breath; Amanda's fear rose sharply as the seemingly endless seconds stretched on.

_ Why is it taking so long? _ She thought worriedly to herself. _Something must be wrong..._ _please, don't let anything be wrong... _

Amanda clutched the edges of the biobed so hard her knuckles were turning white. She started slightly when she felt warm fingers against her right hand.

_"Calm yourself, _ashayam_,"_ came Sarek's voice inside her head.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she swallowed hard and tried to slow her pounding heart.

Finally, T'Ren broke the tense silence.

"The embryo is developing normally. The procedure was a success."

Relief crashed over Amanda at the Vulcan doctor's words. Tears gathered in her eyes as she reached over to squeeze Sarek's hand; she tried to say something, but the words stuck in her throat. She settled instead for pouring her emotions into Sarek and leaning her head against his chest; he reciprocated by flooding her with his own relief.

"You should continue to exercise caution," T'Para said warningly, speaking for the first time since her entrance. "This will still be a high-risk pregnancy. T'Ren and I have discussed it and agreed that we should examine you at least once every two weeks."

"Of course," Sarek said quietly as he squeezed Amanda's hand back.

"Do you know whether it's a boy or girl?" Amanda asked, pulling away from Sarek to look at T'Ren.

"According to the DNA signature on my tricorder, it is male," T'Ren replied.

Amanda looked up at Sarek, the tears starting to leak out of the corners of her eyes. "We're going to have a son," she whispered, her voice breaking.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. "I believe you asked me when you would be able to start being happy about having a child, Amanda. I think _now_ is the answer."

Amanda laid her head against the biobed and stared up at the white ceiling, unable to wipe the grin off her face.


	15. The Seminar

**A/N: Here's the next chapter!**

**Chapter 15: The Seminar**

Amanda reclined in her chair, bare feet propped up on her desk as she sifted through her notes, rays of light from the morning sun slanting through the window to warm her skin. She was to be a guest speaker at the cultural anthropology seminar taking place at San Francisco State that night, and she'd written and rewritten the notes for her lecture obsessively during the weeks she had been back on Earth, until she knew them by heart.

It was to be her first lecture, and she was both excited and nervous. She'd even made T'Shan sit down and watch her practice.

Frowning down at the PADD balanced on her lap, she bit the tip of her stylus and furrowed her brow. She didn't want the students to find the lecture either boring or condescending, but she also wanted them to take her seriously. She'd spent months on her thesis; the last thing she wanted was for them to take it as a joke. Unfortunately, a Vulcan was not the best candidate to test the effect of her speech on.

The door to her office slid open and Amanda looked up to see her husband enter the room. Her frown immediately vanished, replaced by a smile as she removed her feet from the desk and sat up in her chair.

"And to what do I owe this visit?" she asked teasingly. "Come to nag me some more about how I shouldn't be working?"

"I am about to leave for the embassy," Sarek said as he came to a stop in front of her desk.

Amanda's smile faded. "You don't usually work on Saturdays," she said cautiously.

"I have received instructions from the High Council that require immediate attention," Sarek explained.

"Is there any chance you'll be able to get out early?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"I doubt it," he replied.

Heavy with disappointment, Amanda cleared her throat and gathered her PADDs together. "I had hoped you'd be there for the lecture," she admitted, not looking up at him.

"I will attend the next one, if my schedule permits," he promised.

"Exactly. _If_ your schedule permits." Amanda heaved a sigh. "Luckily, there are plenty more scheduled. I'm sure _one_ of my lectures won't coincide with your work."

Sarek fixed her with a stern look, and she knew what was coming next.

"You are supposed to be avoiding stress. Traveling across the galaxy to attend seminars is hardly relaxing."

Amanda's lips pursed.

"We've been over this. T'Ren and T'Para said I'm allowed to work," she replied firmly. "And I'm _not_ traveling across the galaxy. Only two of my engagements are off-planet."

"T'Para and T'Ren also said that you are not to overwork yourself."

"And I did as they suggested and canceled some of the lectures. There are at least three weeks between each one. Sarek, do you _really_ believe I'd do anything that would endanger our baby's life?"

Sarek did not reply to that, but she felt his disapproval. She turned to the computer console on her desk.

"T'Ren has seen my schedule and doesn't think it's too strenuous. All I have to do is stand at a podium and talk for an hour, Sarek. It's hardly taxing."

"Have you at least reviewed the applications I sent you?" he asked.

Amanda sighed. Ever since their return from Vulcan a month ago, Sarek had been pestering her about hiring an assistant to help with her workload, even pulling resumés from government job-hunting services for office assistants who were looking for positions. She wasn't averse to the idea of having help - in fact, she welcomed it - and knew he only had the best of intentions, but there were times, such as now, when she wished he'd let her be.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she felt a twinge of guilt. Sarek was only concerned about her - about _them_, she reminded herself, a tiny smile flitting across her lips as she thought of the ten-week-old baby inside her.

"I've set up a few interviews," she replied, her voice softer than before. "I _do_ understand your concerns, Sarek, and I'm grateful. But really, I'm fine. I've been taking frequent breaks and I follow all of T'Ren's orders."

Across the link, she felt Sarek grudgingly give in to her logic.

"Very well," he said, "but if I sense any unusual illness from you, I will take the liberty of canceling your transportation myself, whether you agree or not."

"Fine," she said, giving him a smile. "Come here."

He went around the side of her desk to stand before her. She reached up and pulled him down by his collar.

"Good luck with whatever instructions the council gave you," she said, before kissing him. When she started to pull away, he leaned in to kiss her again, his lips warm as they lingered against hers.

"I apologize for being unable to attend your lecture," he murmured before pulling away and turning to head to the door.

Amanda propped her feet up on the desk again and adjusted the PADD on her lap. Just as the door opened, she called out; "Oh, by the way, Sarek..."

He stopped in the doorway and turned to face her.

"I spoke to T'Ren this morning about your _other_ concern," she said, looking up from the PADD screen to smirk at him, "and she says it's _perfectly_ okay to 'have intercourse'."

Sarek's eyebrow slowly rose. "Indeed," he said. He paused, and then as he turned to leave added, "I shall keep that in mind this evening."

Amanda grinned to herself as the door closed behind him.

XXXXX

The auditorium was packed with chattering students settling down into their seats and prepping their PADDs for notes. The noise pressed against his sensitive ears painfully, but Sarek did his best to tune it out as he edged around the crowd to take a seat near the front. So full was the auditorium that few students even noticed the Vulcan in their midst.

He truly had not expected to make it out of the embassy in time to attend the seminar; indeed, he had barely made it, and then only because he had instructed his driver to break speed limits. He would not normally do such a thing, but he really _had_ wanted to attend Amanda's first lecture, and she wanted him there.

The buzz of noise around him suddenly abated as someone appeared onstage. The man was tall, middle-aged, attractive by human male standards, and clearly of Indian descent; Sarek had never met him, but from what Amanda had told him, he knew this was Professor Arjun Sharma, the Anthropology department's Chair and the man responsible for Amanda's sudden celebrity.

"Settle down, settle down," Professor Sharma said, grinning around at the students. "Welcome to the annual Cultural Anthropology seminar! I'm proud to announce that our first guest speaker tonight is a recent Master's degree recipient from our very own SF State, and she's going to get things started with a presentation of her thesis. I'll remind you that all questions are to be asked at the _end_ of the lecture. And now, it is my very great pleasure to introduce - Amanda Grayson!"

Looking extremely nervous, Amanda appeared from the side of the stage and took her place at the podium as Professor Sharma led a round of applause. Sarek's eyes narrowed slightly when the professor placed his hand on Amanda's shoulder and squeezed, saying something into her ear that made her laugh before he walked away to take his place along the opposite wall.

Deciding he did not like this Professor Sharma's familiarity with _his_ wife, Sarek placed the tips of his fingers together and regarded her as she began her speech.

"Good evening," she said, her voice amplified by the microphone pinned to the front of her suit jacket. She cleared her throat and swallowed as she brought her notes up on her PADD. With his keen eyesight, Sarek could see that her hands were trembling. "I've been to a lot of seminars over the past several years, so I know what you're thinking: you want to get this over with as soon as possible. And, since it's Saturday night, there's probably a big party going on in Mary Ward Hall and you just want to go get smashed. Unfortunately, you're stuck here with me instead."

Appreciative chuckles rose from the students and someone shouted, "Damn right!" Sarek did not see the humor, but apparently the reaction of the students gave Amanda the courage she needed. When she spoke again, her hands were no longer trembling and she sounded more confident.

"But as the teacher, I have the privilege of torturing you. You know, Professor Sharma," she added, looking toward the wings of the stage, "this really makes me consider becoming a professor!"

More laughter rose. A male voice called out; "I don't mind being tortured by you! Want to go out with me later?"

Amanda laughed. "I'm married. I don't think my husband would appreciate that."

As the last chortles died away, Amanda glanced down at her notes before pushing them away and stepping out from behind the podium. Hands folded in front of her, she looked around the auditorium, her expression more solemn than before.

"April 5, 2063. Who can tell me the significance of this date?"

A male in the front row spoke up. "That's when Vulcans made First Contact with Earth."

"Exactly," Amanda said, and then picked up a device from the podium and pressed a button. The viewscreen behind her flickered on, showing a picture of a Vulcan standing beside a man Sarek identified as Zefram Cochrane.

"When Vulcans first became known to the human race, a lot of people did not welcome them with open arms. They didn't understand the alien visitors or what their intentions were. After all, Stephen Hawking, the notable twenty-first century theoretical physicist, had hypothesized in 2010 that any alien life forms humans might encounter could very well have hostile intentions, and this belief had spread by the time Vulcans made First Contact. The humans' distrust was _not_ helped by the fact that Vulcans kept their culture shrouded in secrecy and told the Terrans very little about themselves."

Amanda was pacing along the stage now, eyeing her silent audience.

"But I'm not here to give you a history lesson. You are already aware of these facts and don't need me to repeat them. The point is, even now, centuries later, there are still misconceptions and assumptions made about Vulcans.

"One of the most common beliefs is that Vulcans don't have emotions, a belief stemming from the fact that they don't physically emote. They _do_ repress their feelings and refuse to act on them, but the only way for a Vulcan to completely purge themselves of all feeling is to undergo the _kolinahr_, a rigorous training program that sometimes even involves psychic surgery..."

The students paid rapt attention to every word Amanda spoke as she used the device in her hand to flip through photographs on the viewscreen behind her. After her initial nervousness had passed, she seemed comfortable onstage, her voice growing in strength as she went on.

The presentation was going smoothly. Until...

"The ability to communicate through touch telepathy gives Vulcans an advantage..." Amanda stopped. She cleared her throat before taking a deep breath and resuming, "Sorry. Uh... as I was saying, touch telepathy allows Vulcans to share what they cannot express openly. Humans don't have this advantage, which is why they find it so difficult to understand the Vulcan lack of emotion. Physical expression is our only means of showing how we feel and judging how others feel."

Reaching across the bond, Sarek's suspicions were confirmed. There was a familiar churning in his stomach; if Amanda did not finish her presentation soon, she would be in trouble...

She stopped pacing the stage and returned to the podium. Sarek saw her clutch the sides of it as she finished up the slide show and her lecture, her voice remaining remarkably even, despite her discomfort. When the question session began soon after, he noted that her jaw was clenched, her queasiness rising sharply.

She needed to get out of there, soon.

Finally, even though there were still a few more hands raised to ask questions, Amanda had to end it. Sarek could sense her desperation to get off the stage.

"I think that's enough questions for today. There are other speakers here who want to give their presentations and I'm already running over. Any questions you may have can be submitted to my electronic address, which is in the student directory. Thank you all for listening."

Amanda quickly gathered her PADD from the podium and hurried off-stage as Professor Sharma announced the next speaker. Before she'd even made it out the stage door, Sarek was out of his seat and heading toward a side exit.

XXXXX

Amanda was shaking, a cold sweat breaking out on her forehead as she pushed the stage door open and hurried out into the hallway. Looking around desperately and clenching her jaw, afraid to open her mouth, she saw that there was a bathroom right across the hall. With a sense of relief that was considerably muted by the fact that she was clinging to the very last of her control, she shoved the door open and rushed inside.

She entered the first empty stall she found and barely had time to lock the door and throw herself to her knees in front of the toilet before succumbing at last to the violent roiling of her stomach.

_At least I made it to the end_, she thought miserably to herself as she wiped the cold sweat off her forehead with her sleeve. _Things could have been much worse. _

Her stomach lurched and she vomited again as the bathroom door swung open.

"Amanda?" said a familiar voice when the retching had subsided.

She rested her head against her arm for a moment to catch her breath, before flushing the toilet with one shaking hand and standing. Unlocking the bathroom door, she went to the sink without looking up.

"What do you want?" she asked as she opened her bag and pulled out a sonic toothbrush, which she'd lately taken to carrying around with her at all times.

"I just want to talk, that's all."

Amanda looked up into the mirror at the reflection of her sister, who still stood in front of the bathroom door.

"I had a feeling you'd be here tonight," Amanda said quietly before leaning toward the mirror to focus on getting the nasty taste out of her mouth.

In fact, she had dreaded the possibility of seeing her sister again for weeks, ever since Professor Sharma had first asked her to speak at the seminar. Now, as she looked into the mirror at the familiar face of her own flesh and blood, she felt a stab of unexpected anger. After all this time - after Amanda herself had tried numerous times to contact her, only to be ignored - Sarah dared approach _her_?

_ What do you say to a sister you haven't spoken to in almost two years? _Amanda wondered. _What do you say to someone who once told you they never wanted to see you again?_

"You... you don't look so good. Do you have the flu or something?" Sarah asked, peering into the mirror at Amanda's pale reflection.

"No," she replied shortly as she turned to take her mouthwash out of her bag.

There was a silence as Amanda rinsed out her mouth and Sarah stared down at the floor, biting her lip. When Amanda was done, she replaced the small bottle in her bag and swung it over her shoulder as she turned to go.

"Wait!" Sarah called out, taking a step forward, her hand rising as if she wanted to grab Amanda's arm but thought better of it.

Amanda stopped with a sigh and turned to her sister.

"Listen, I'm really tired. I just want to go home."

"I know we didn't... um... part ways too well," Sarah said, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Yes, I know. You told me you never wanted to see me again," Amanda said coolly. The harsh words still stung when she thought about them, and even now she felt a pang of hurt.

"Just... please... hear me out," Sarah said, her brown eyes pleading.

At the moment, Amanda wanted nothing more to leave the bathroom and never look back. But for reasons unknown to her, she crossed her arms over her chest and stayed.

" The fight we had was all my fault," her sister continued when she was sure Amanda wasn't leaving. "I admit that. But... I really miss you. I want to talk to you again. I want to catch up with you, get to know your husband, since he's my family now, too. I thought maybe we could get together sometime... at least _try_ to start over..."

"Depends on whether you're going to join another terrorist organization and try to get my husband killed," Amanda snapped, her agitation flaring up as it so often did lately. She lowered her arms from her chest and placed her hands on her hips as she glared at her sister.

Sarah winced and looked down again. "I don't hang around those people any more. I was being stupid then. I don't know what I was thinking, and I don't know what to say to make you believe me - maybe there _isn't_ anything I can say - but I really am sorry. All I know is that you're my sister, the only family I've got, and I want to make things right."

Amanda sighed and shook her head in consternation as she looked down at the floor. It was clear that Sarah meant her apology, and despite everything that had happened between them, she _was_ still her sister. But could she really forgive her for being involved with the people who had tried to assassinate Sarek?

She wasn't sure. But there was only one way to find out.

Amanda's expression was gentler than before as she looked up and said, "I'm really busy, but I'll call you when I have a spare moment. Maybe we can have lunch together sometime."

Her sister looked relieved. "All right," she said. There was a pause as neither of them spoke, not knowing what to say. Then Sarah said, "I'll... I'll see you around. I'm supposed to be in the seminar right now."

There was another awkward pause. Then she lunged forward and hugged Amanda tightly.

"It's so good to see you again," she whispered, her voice muffled against Amanda's shoulder. "And I really enjoyed your presentation. You rocked the place."

"Uh... thanks," Amanda said, surprised, as she patted her sister on the back. A painful lump formed in her throat as she realized that they hadn't hugged like this since their mother died.

Sarah released her and when she pulled back, Amanda saw tears glistening in her eyes.

"I really was an idiot, wasn't I?" she sniffed.

Amanda felt tears stinging at her own eyes, the pain in the back of her throat intensifying, but she blinked the tears back and swallowed.

"You were," she replied with a small smile, "but I forgive you."

Sarah's answering smile was weak, a sign of her contrition. Then the sisters turned together toward the bathroom door. When they went out into the hallway, Sarah quickly gave Amanda another bone-crushing hug before hurrying back into the auditorium across the hall, gone as quickly as she had appeared.

Shaking her head, a small smile still on her lips, Amanda started down the corridor toward the exit at the far end that led out into the parking lot, musing about the sudden change of events. When she'd entered the SF State campus that evening, she'd never dreamed that she would leave with one less burden on her heart. She did not know how their reunion would end, but for the moment at least, she was glad to have her sister back.

Amanda stopped in the middle of the corridor when she saw a lone figure standing halfway down the hall. Her smile broadened as Sarek stepped forward to meet her.

"You said you wouldn't be able to make it!" she said accusingly, swatting his arm playfully.

"I said I _doubted_ I would be able to get out of the embassy early," Sarek corrected.

"Well, how did I do?" she asked, bumping her shoulder against his as they began to walk down the corridor together. "Other than my narrowly escaping covering the students in vomit, anyway..."

"You handled yourself exceptionally well under the circumstances. I admit to being... concerned... that you would be unable to finish."

"I didn't think I would make it, either," Amanda admitted. Since there was no one around, she slipped her hand into his. "Thanks for coming," she added in a low voice.

His fingers squeezed hers. "To quote a popular human phrase, I 'would not have missed it for the world'."

Amanda laughed, and then leaned in close to him as they left the building and headed toward her parked hover-car. His body was warm against hers, his masculine, clean smell soothing to her. A familiar warmth began to kindle in her lower belly at his nearness, and as she remembered how that body felt pressed against hers...

"And now, Ambassador, I believe you said you would keep a certain something in mind this evening?" she said, her voice low, seductive.

"I did. I suggest we return home as quickly as possible," Sarek agreed.

"_Or_ we could just..." Amanda gestured toward the empty hover-car with a suggestive smirk as she trailed off. Sarek's eyebrow rose.

"The windows _are_ tinted," he said thoughtfully.

Amanda laughed as Sarek opened the door for her.


	16. The Decision

**Chapter 16: The Decision**

Amanda stood in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom, wearing nothing but black lace underwear and a matching bra. Turning to the side with a small frown, she ran her hands over her abdomen and stared at her reflection in the mirror.

The bedroom door opened with a soft hiss and Sarek entered, his long Vulcan cloak billowing behind him.

"You know..." Amanda said, tilting her head to the side as her husband came to stand behind her. "I think I might be showing, just a tiny bit."

Sarek slid his arms around her waist and cupped the very slight bulge she'd been contemplating in the mirror. "That is unsurprising," he said. "At this point in time, the fetus would be approximately three to four inches long and weigh one and a half ounces. I first noticed the swelling in your abdomen a week ago, but given the fact that I am intimately familiar with your body and have memorized every proportion of it, I am not surprised you have not noticed before."

"You seem to have done a lot of research on this subject, my _adun_," Amanda teased, placing her hands over his and resting her head back against his chest. "You're constantly spouting out scientific facts about pregnancy these days."

"I may currently serve as a diplomat, my_ adun'a_, but I am still a scientist. I research all subjects that are of interest to me," Sarek replied.

Amanda pulled away from his warm arms and turned to take a gray skirt from the closet. Stepping into it, she slid it up over her hips. "I've been reading all those articles you send me, too. They're fascinating," she said as she struggled to zip up the skirt. "Could you help me, please?"

Sarek zipped up the skirt - barely managing to get the zipper to the top - while Amanda chose a top from the closet. Choosing a white button-down blouse, she pulled it on and began to button it.

"None of my clothes fit any more," she sighed mournfully when she had fastened the last one. The blouse was tight over her breasts; gaps showed in between the buttons as they strained to hold the fabric together. "Only fifteen weeks in, too. I'll be wearing maternity clothes before I know it."

Sarek raised an eyebrow. "I see no issue with your current physique," he said.

Amanda rolled her eyes as she unbuttoned the top and selected another. "Of course not. My breasts are swollen to almost twice their normal size." She pulled on a looser-fitting pale blue sweater before continuing, "You said Vulcan pregnancies are usually thirteen months long. I figured that meant this baby would grow more slowly than a human baby would."

"The child in question is only half-Vulcan," Sarek reminded her, clasping his hands behind his back as he watched her smooth down her skirt. "There is no knowing how long his gestation will be. In Vulcan pregnancies, the physical development of the fetus slows drastically after the eighth month, except for the baby's brain. As parts of the Vulcan brain are more complex than in humans, they take longer to mature, and all energy resources must be directed to that particular organ."

"Let's just hope _this_ isn't going to be a long pregnancy," Amanda said wearily.

She looked up into the mirror to find Sarek watching her. As their eyes met, she felt his hesitation from across their mind-link. There was something he had come to tell her, but he was now reluctant to do so.

"What is it?" she asked. "You can tell me."

"Amanda, there is... something we must discuss," he said slowly, stepping closer to her. She could feel the heat from his body pressing against her back.

Amanda frowned. Sarek never told her there was something they had to 'discuss' unless it was very, very serious - and he knew she wouldn't like it.

"I was about to leave," she replied as she turned to look up at him. "But I suppose I could call ahead and say I'll be a few minutes late. What do you need to talk about?"

"It is of no immediate concern, if you have somewhere to go. It can wait until this evening. In fact, I would prefer to wait," Sarek said. Then, changing the subject, he asked, "Where are you going?"

"I have a meeting at Clarendon with the principal," she replied, looking up at him curiously. "Are you sure you don't want to talk now?"

"It can wait," he assured her.

"All right," she said, still looking at him suspiciously. "I'll be back before dinner, and then you'll have me all to yourself."

"As I have no other plans, I will still be here," Sarek said.

She smiled at him as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. "See you later," she said, and then turned to the door.

XXXXX

"Amanda! Always a pleasure to see you," Eric Maddox, the principal of Clarendon Elementary School, exclaimed as Amanda entered his office. He stood from the chair behind his large, antique oak desk to offer her his hand, and she shook it with a smile.

"It's always a pleasure to see you, too, Eric," she said. Releasing his hand, she set her bag down on the floor next to her, sat down in the chair in front of his desk, and crossed her legs. Looking around, she took in the spacious, neat office around her. The wide window behind Eric's desk overlooked the green lawn of the school's grounds, and shelves all along the walls held old paper books and Terran antiques dating from as far back as the twentieth century. The room reminded Amanda strongly of the pictures she had seen of cozy early-twentieth-century libraries.

"Now, what's this all about?" she asked, still smiling as she settled back in her chair. "You never call me in for meetings."

The principal's grin faded away and he cleared his throat before sitting back down. At his sudden change in demeanor, Amanda felt her own smile disappear. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, cautiously watching her boss as he nervously straightened a pile of static printouts on his desk.

Eric, a tall, thin, and balding middle-aged man, was normally very cheerful and always had a smile on his face when she was around. Whatever this meeting was about, his sudden frown told her it was something she wouldn't like.

"Amanda, I received your request last week..." he began, and then paused with a rather embarrassed expression on his face.

"That's what this is about?" Amanda asked with a frown. "Eric, my contract says that I'm allowed maternity leave. What's the problem?"

"Well, this is related to that. You see..." Eric cleared his throat again and shifted in his seat before continuing. "I find myself in a difficult position, Amanda. Due to budget cuts, we're being forced to cut down on employees next year. We're losing half of our maintenance staff and most of our aides... and a few teachers will have to be laid off, too."

Amanda felt a sinking sensation in her stomach as she realized what he was hinting at. She moved forward so that she was perched on the very edge of her chair, her heart hammering in her chest as she waited for him to go on.

He continued. "Now, I really like you, Amanda. The other teachers like you. The children _love_ you. You're an excellent teacher and a wonderful addition to this school. But the fact remains... you're one of our most recent hires."

Amanda's lips parted as she stared at the man sitting across from her, but no words came out. There was a heaviness settling into her chest and her whole body felt numb. Was he saying what she _thought_ he was saying?

"The school board met last week to discuss what we would do about our... financial situation," Eric said uncomfortably. "There were four new teachers hired in the past three years, but we only need to lay off three. I shouldn't be telling you this, but... if I hadn't received your request for maternity leave that very morning, there's no doubt that you would have been allowed to stay..." he trailed off with a grimace.

"Wait a minute," Amanda cut in, finding her voice at last. "Are you... are you saying that I'm being _fired_?"

"Well... I wouldn't put it _that_ way," Eric said hastily. "You'll be finishing up the school year. The board feels it can't justify renewing your contract when you're going to be out the first half of next year, anyway. Not when other teachers' jobs are on the line."

"So I'm being 'laid off' because I'm pregnant and my maternity leave would keep me out of work for a few months?" Amanda asked, her voice rising, fists clenching on the armrests of her chair as she glared at the principal.

"Amanda," Eric said pleadingly, "it's either that, or another teacher will be let go. It would hardly be fair for us to renew your contract, then turn around and give you maternity leave when someone else - who would be working full-time next year - could have been saved. Besides, wouldn't you want to take some time off to... uh... raise the little one?"

"_No_, what I want is to _work _as a _teacher_, Eric," she said slowly, every word dripping in ice as white-hot fury licked at her insides. "I've worked _hard_ for this school since I started here, and I was working _hard_ on my degree at the same time! Now I'm going to be _laid off_ because it _wouldn't be fair_ to give me a few months off next year?"

"Really, Amanda, I have no choice," Eric said with a sigh. "I _did_ try to keep you here. The board wouldn't hear of it. All they could see was one pregnant teacher who wouldn't be here most of next year anyway, and three other equally qualified people who need jobs. If there hadn't been budget cuts - or even if you'd waited until the final decisions were made before submitting your request - I would have been more than happy to give you your leave."

"And it never occurred to you to simply _not tell _them about my maternity leave until it was too late?" Amanda asked, gritting her teeth together.

"I was obligated to tell them. Really, Amanda, it's good that you have this much warning... it could have been much worse. The other teachers' fates haven't even been decided yet, and probably won't be for another few months. This way, you have plenty of time to look for a new job."

Amanda stood from her chair and picked up her bag, shaking her head in disgust. "Oh yes, that's definitely a perk, Eric. I get to have plenty of time to search for a new job. Not that anyone's going to hire a pregnant woman, or is going to have a position available in the _middle __of the school year _after I've given birth and am ready to come back to work."

"I really am sorry," Eric said, standing from his desk as she strode to the door. "If there was something I could do..."

"I know you are, and I know it's not your fault," Amanda said, eyes blazing as she spun back around in the doorway to face him. What she said next, she could blame only on hormones; "But you can tell the school board to go straight to _hell_!"

With that, she slammed her palm into the release button on the wall and the door slid open. Blood boiling with pent-up rage, she stalked out of the office, past the flustered secretaries, and down the hallway toward the exit that led to the parking lot.

XXXXX

Sarek felt his wife's fury long before the front doors opened and she swept into the entrance hall. Knowing she would seek him out to 'vent' anyway, he had relocated from his office to the living room to wait for her.

"I can't believe this!" Amanda erupted, the dam that had held back her fury breaking as soon as she entered the room to find him seated in a chair, PADD in hand. Throwing her bag onto the couch, she began to pace the length of the room, eyes flashing, her hands balled up into fists at her sides.

He had to admit, it was a relief that, for once, her anger was not directed at _him_.

"What is wrong?" he asked, setting aside his PADD and standing.

"I just got out of my meeting with the principal," she said distractedly, still pacing along the antique Persian rug as she ground her teeth together. "Because of a few budget cuts, I'm being fired - no, 'laid off'." She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers before shaking her head angrily. "The school board's not going to renew my contract at the end of the year because it wouldn't be _fair_ to lay off another teacher who _won't_ be taking maternity leave next year!"

Sarek said nothing as he watched Amanda march from the sofa to the fireplace, her chest heaving. He felt her rage and indignation over the bond, but, truth be told, he thought it a perfectly logical decision on the school board's part - not that he would tell _her_ that, of course.

"Amanda, you must calm yourself," he said, stepping forward and laying his hands on her arms to stop her pacing. "You must think of the child..."

Amanda drew in a shuddering breath. "I've worked so hard, Sarek. I was going to classes and spending _months_ on my thesis, all while still showing up to work every day with completed lesson plans and a smile on my face. I was never even _late_! And _this_ is how they reward me for all those hours of staying up most of the night so I could keep up?"

Tears were now sparkling in her eyes as she sat down on the sofa heavily, and across the link Sarek felt... _despair _and_ frustration_, her anger already passing. As he took a seat next to her, he vaguely wondered if such sudden shifts of emotion would occur throughout the pregnancy.

"I mean, I know I don't really _need_ the job... but to be dropped like that, just because I'm pregnant... I _love_ my job, Sarek! I look forward to teaching those children! It gets me out of the house and gives me something to do so I don't go insane..."

"You will have no trouble finding another position," Sarek said, taking her hands into his and caressing them in a way he hoped would soothe her.

She gave another shaky sigh. "You're right," she said. "It's just... I really _did_ work hard for them, damn it!"

Sarek leaned forward and pressed his forehead against his wife's, and he felt her begin to calm. Relieved that she was no longer agitated, he reached up to stroke her cheek.

"Then you will find a position in a place where your hard work is appreciated," he said.

"Like _where_?" Amanda asked glumly, pulling away from him to slump against the cushions.

Sarek did not respond. He had some ideas for where she could work, but he was not sure that now was a good time to bring it up...

But, as if reading his thoughts - even though he had been sure to shield them from her - she looked up at him.

"Wasn't there something you wanted to talk about earlier?" she asked tiredly.

Sarek hesitated. He did not know how she would react to his proposal... but he would have to tell her sooner or later.

Leaning forward on the sofa, he rested his elbows on his thighs and clasped his hands together.

"Several months ago, I received an offer," he said, looking over at her. She stared back warily. "The Council wants to give me a place among them."

Amanda's lips parted as she sat up on the sofa, staring at him with wide eyes. Before she could say anything, he continued.

"If I accepted, I would still have my responsibilities as ambassador to Earth, but I would be assigned a junior ambassador to take on a great deal of my workload."

"Well, why didn't you accept the position, then?" she asked incredulously. "Isn't this what you've been working toward? A place on the Council?"

"Because," he said quietly, "if I were to accept, I would be required to be on Vulcan far more than I am now. I refused because you had a career here and I knew you would not want to move back to Vulcan."

"Wait a minute," Amanda said, giving him a suspicious look. "You didn't have anything to do with my getting laid off, did you?"

Her gaze was hard as she glared at him. Sarek looked calmly back.

"Please clarify," he said evenly.

"Well, you told me right before I left that you wanted to talk about this. And it just so _happened_ that the meeting I was headed to was _about_ my being laid off - and now you say the only reason you refused the Council's proposal is because of my career. What am I _supposed_ to think, Sarek? I know you certainly have the right connections to do something like that."

Her fists were clenched as they rested on her thighs, and he felt her anger rising rapidly again.

"While I do not disagree that your being 'laid off' is beneficial to my situation, I had nothing to do with the school board's decision," Sarek said flatly. "I would _not_ ruin your career to gain a position for myself, Amanda, and I am rather surprised that you would think that of me."

Her fists unclenched at this, and as she slowly sank back into the sofa again, he felt... _shame_... over the link.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'm just... jumping to ridiculous conclusions." She bit her lip as she looked down at the floor, her brow furrowed. "But then why mention it now, Sarek? If you didn't know, why are you bringing it up after all this time?"

"Amanda..." Sarek leaned toward her, placing his hand over hers as he lowered his voice. "I mention it now because I wish to raise my son - _our_ son - on Vulcan."

Amanda looked sharply up him. "_What_?" she asked. "What if _I _want to raise him on Earth?"

"There are reasons for my choice," Sarek said calmly. "Even if only half-Vulcan, he will still be far above human children intellectually. He will be much stronger physically. He must be educated on Vulcan. And... I wish to raise him in the way of my father, and of his father before him. I wish to teach him the ways of Surak."

Amanda wrenched her hand from his and stood abruptly. He felt her anger building across their bond, and braced himself for what he knew was coming. "What about what _I _want, Sarek?" she asked heatedly. "Does that matter to you at all? Maybe _I _don't want him to bury his emotions!"

"There are reasons for the binding of emotion, Amanda, a fact which you know well. Vulcan emotions run deep and violent, and he will undoubtedly fall prey to them if he is not trained to suppress them," he said, standing also. "It would be best for him to be raised in the Vulcan way."

"So the fact that he'll be half human means _nothing_?" she shouted. "Maybe I want my son to be able to laugh, to cry, to scream in anger! Maybe I want him to be able to show me affection without it being a _chore_! Maybe I don't want him to be like _you_!"

There was a stunned silence as they stared at each other. Amanda clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide, and he felt her immediate regret; but it was too late. Sarek felt a deep ache beginning to throb in his side as he turned from her and headed to the door.

"I was reluctant to broach the subject because I knew you would react negatively and would not want to leave your job," he said as he paused in the doorway. His tone was perfectly even and controlled, not betraying how hurt he was. "But now that you have nothing to hold you back, I ask you to at least consider it. You could find a position on Vulcan, and I hold our son's best interests in mind. It may not be an ideal situation, as I know you dislike living on Vulcan, but I thought perhaps, as he is my son also, I would at least make the proposal."

Without waiting for a response, Sarek left the living room. He made his way through the entrance hall and up the staircase, headed to his meditation chamber, his wife's harsh words still ringing painfully in his ears.

XXXXX

Amanda sank down onto the sofa as Sarek's footsteps receded in the distance, her head in her hands as tears pricked at her eyelids.

"Why did I just say that?" she asked herself aloud, her voice choked with tears.

She sat there for several minutes, berating herself for her outburst. This had been, quite possibly, the worst day she'd had since before their trip, months previously, to Betazed; to make matters worse, she had just said what was, quite possibly, the most hurtful thing she could have said to her husband.

Knowing that sitting there wouldn't resolve the situation, Amanda wiped at her cheeks with her sleeve and stood. She made her way out of the living room, into the entrance hall, and up the staircase. She didn't know what she would say to him, but she had to say _something_...

She found him in his meditation chamber. She didn't usually disturb him when he was meditating, but this time she entered the room without even chiming at the door.

Sarek sat cross-legged on a meditation mat, his eyes closed. Tendrils of smoke from the firepots swirled around him, perfuming the air with their exotic scents. He did not move a muscle as she sank to her knees behind him and wound her arms around his neck.

"I don't know why I said that," she murmured against his shoulder. "I didn't mean it. You do your best, and I'm more than happy to have you as my husband."

"Your comment would indicate otherwise," Sarek said coolly.

His shoulders were still stiff under her embrace. She held him tighter and buried her face against him with a sigh. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I love you as you are. I'd be grateful if our son is half as good as you."

She felt him relent, the tension leaving his muscles and the link reopening as he reached up to gently extricate himself from her arms.

"Come," Sarek said, gesturing to the pile of meditation mats in the corner. "Meditate with me, _adun'a_."

Amanda got to her feet and took one of the mats, unrolling it in front of him. She then sat across from him, so close that their knees pressed against each other.

"Close your eyes," he said, "and breathe deeply."

"Does this mean you're not angry with me?" she asked as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I was never angry," Sarek said. "I am fully aware that pregnant females often say things in anger that they do not mean."

"But you're hurt," Amanda said as she exhaled with a whoosh and opened her eyes. "I _do_ want our son to be like you, Sarek. But the binding of his emotions... that's something we have to decide on _together_."

"Amanda, half-human or not, he will need to learn to control his Vulcan tendencies," Sarek said. "He cannot do that here, nor can I allow him to grow up as a human. He would be a danger to himself. Uncontrolled emotion destroyed my people, and it would destroy him as well."

"I know, you just want what's best for him," she said heavily as she leaned back and rested her weight on one arm. She laid her free hand on her belly. "Look at us. He's the size of a lemon and we're already arguing about his future."

"We are not arguing, and it is never too early to make such important decisions," Sarek said, leaning forward to place his hands on her thighs. "Amanda, if we were to move to Vulcan, you could find a position there. You could work for the embassy as an interpreter. You could work for the Vulcan Science Academy, or for the Education Center that teaches children. There are many places you could go, and our son would receive the education he requires - the education he could only receive on Vulcan."

"I know, I know," Amanda sighed, shaking her head. "And there's nothing to hold me back now that I've been fired."

"'Laid off,'" he corrected gently, and when she looked up she saw the corners of his mouth quirk up the tiniest bit.

"This move would be permanent?" she asked resignedly.

"Yes," he replied.

Amanda thought for a moment. She had disliked living on Vulcan before; Sarek had been gone for long periods of time, leaving her by herself with no friends and no one but the servants for company... but if he took this position on the Council, he wouldn't travel as often. And if she were working, she wouldn't feel nearly as restless as she had before...

"All right," she said quietly. "I'll do it. I'll move to Vulcan."

Sarek leaned forward to press his forehead against hers.

"We do not have to go right away," he told her. "But I wish... if you agree... for him to be born on Vulcan."

"We can go as soon as the school year's up," Amanda said. "That's in a little over a month."

Sarek raised a hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Let us meditate," he said, closing his eyes and sitting up straight.

Amanda closed her eyes as well, to join him in this ancient Vulcan ritual - knowing that she had just agreed to much more than a move to Vulcan, and that one day she would regret it.


	17. Surprises

**A/N: Just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has reviewed! Nice to know y'all haven't abandoned me!**

**Vulcan words: **

**_Kan-bu_ = baby**

**Chapter 17: Surprises**

"Damn," Amanda muttered as she craned her neck to look out the windows of her hover-car. There was not a single available space in the restaurant's parking lot.

Still cursing under her breath, she turned the hover-car around and rejoined the slow-moving traffic, scanning the sides of the rain-slicked street for a parking space. When she finally found one, she was a block away from the restaurant.

The hum of the hover-car's engine died as the vehicle landed with a gentle bump along the curb. Through its tinted windows, Amanda saw that the sky was still darker than it should have been for midday. Thick sheets of rain fell from the swollen gray storm clouds. She had hoped the downpour would abate by the time she arrived - but no such luck.

Resigned to her fate, she reached for her umbrella, climbed out of the warm, dry confines of her hover-car, and opened it.

Rain beat down relentlessly on the clear plastic as Amanda carefully navigated her way on the crowded San Franciscan sidewalk. The shoulders of other pedestrians bumped rudely into hers as they rushed by. As she neared her destination, a gust of wind blew ferociously, soaking her with bone-chilling rain and nearly ripping the umbrella from her hand. She wished she had opted for a rain-proof coat and leather boots instead of the light cashmere jacket and high heels she wore.

_At least it doesn't rain much on Vulcan_, she told herself bracingly as she shivered; but even _that_ cheerful fact wasn't enough to lift the heavy dread weighing on her heart as she pushed open the doors of the small building and hurried inside.

Amanda paused in the doorway to relish the warmth that poured from the heating vents in the ceiling. Closing the umbrella and pushing her wet, curling hair out of her eyes, she looked around. Low-hanging lanterns lit Lenard's Restaurant, illuminating the austere modern decor: shades of muted grays and white, gleaming metal and glass surfaces, a brightly shining gray-tiled floor. Patrons of every shape, size, color and species filled the popular eatery, more than making up for its fashionable lack of color. The clinking of silverware on dishes and the chatter of conversation in every imaginable language filled the room.

She'd just started scanning the faces in the crowd for one in particular when the hostess approached.

"May I help you?" the slender, elegantly-attired Andorian asked, eyeing Amanda's dripping clothes distastefully.

"Reservation for Grayson," she responded coolly, doing her best impression of Sarek's imperious raised eyebrow.

The Andorian looked down at the static printout in her hand. "Yes, of course, madam. Your companion is already here. This way, please."

She followed the hostess through the maze of tables occupied by humans and aliens alike, to one in the far corner. The Andorian set an electronic menu down in front of one of the chairs and left.

"About time," Sarah said with a teasing smile as Amanda sat down across from her. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten we were meeting up."

"Sorry. Traffic was terrible with all this rain. You haven't been waiting too long, have you?" Amanda asked as she reached for her menu.

"I've only been here five minutes, myself," she replied.

They did not say anything further as they picked up their styluses and began to select their lunches on the electronic menus. When the orders had been sent to the kitchens, they sat in awkward silence; Amanda fiddled with her silverware, straightening the pieces compulsively as she glanced up at her sister every few seconds and cast fruitlessly about for something to say. Sarah, who seemed to be at an equal loss for words, looked around the restaurant at their fellow diners, chewing nervously on the inside of her cheek and drumming her fingers on the table.

"So," Amanda said, clearing her throat. Sarah stopped drumming her fingers and looked back at her expectantly. "How are your studies going? You graduate next year, right?"

"Yes," she answered, seemingly relieved to have something to talk about. "I changed majors a few times, but I finally settled on one. I'm studying xenoarchaeology."

"Oh, really?" Amanda was surprised. The last she knew, Sarah's major had been Terran-specialized anthropology. "What led you to _that_ decision?"

"Professor Sharma encouraged me to look into it after we talked about my interest in history," Sarah said, her eyes shining brightly as she straightened in her chair. "Professor Sharma is _brilliant_. He has a double doctorate in xenoanthropology and xenoarchaeology, you know, and he leads digs all over the galaxy."

"Yes, I know. He was one of my professors," Amanda said, amused by her sister's sudden perkiness. If she didn't know better, she'd say her sister was a bit... enamored.

"Oh, right," she said, blushing. "Well, he told me I should look into it because that field really suits my interests, so I took a few introductory courses. I found them fascinating, so I decided that's what I want to specialize in."

The two sisters fell into easy conversation as a waiter came with their orders; they reminisced, told stories, and caught up on each other's lives (although Amanda did skirt around a few key details) as they ate. For Amanda, it felt almost as if the past two years hadn't happened at all, and that soon she would have to return to her tiny apartment in the Tenderloin to study until late in the night and go to bed alone.

She was even able to forget the moment she had dreaded all day - or rather, the moment she had dreaded ever since Sarek first propositioned their move to Vulcan a week earlier. But eventually, reality set in again, and as they conversed over dessert, she knew the moment of truth had come.

"It was great to have lunch with you again," Sarah said. "Even if it did take you a month to ask me," she added with a smile.

Amanda shifted uneasily in her chair and set her glass of water down. "I'm sorry it took me so long. I've been really busy..."

"No need to explain," Sarah said with a laugh. "I know you're giving a lot of seminars, and working at the school - although not for much longer, the bastards." Sarah scowled at the subject of her sister's lay-off.

Amanda bit her lip as she looked down at the table. She had not told Sarah the reason for the school board's decision, but she knew the time had come to make her announcement: it was now or never.

"Sarah..." Amanda leaned forward and folded her hands over each other on the table. "There's a reason I asked you to meet with me. There's something I have to tell you, and considering our past history with this sort of thing, I want to do it right this time."

Sarah's eyebrows rose as she set her fork down. "I'm listening," she said cautiously.

Amanda took a deep breath. Pushing away her fear that she was about to ruin the still-fragile reconciliation, she said the words:

"I'm pregnant."

Sarah blinked in surprise, then sat back in her chair. "_What_?"

"That's not all I wanted to tell you," Amanda said, talking much faster than usual as her nervousness rose a notch. "Sarek and I are moving to Vulcan. We want to raise our son there."

Sarah sat back in her chair, looking stunned. "Already? But you haven't been back on Earth long, have you? And wouldn't it be easier for you to find another job here?"

Amanda shifted restlessly in her chair again. "It would be, but I'm sure it's not impossible to find work there. Sarah... I don't want to leave you here, not like last time. I'll come visit you - or even pay for your transportation to Vulcan, if that's what you would prefer - but I don't want us to lose contact again."

Sarah's face was still blank; Amanda could not gauge her reaction to the news. When Sarah did not say anything, Amanda nervously cleared her throat.

"Listen, I know this is all a bit of a shock to you - and you may not like it - "

She broke off when, suddenly - inexplicably - Sarah began to grin.

"Calm down," she said with a laugh. "I'm happy for you - _and_ for Sarek. Don't worry about me, Amanda. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Amanda asked, uncertain.

"Really, I'm fine. I think I can handle your moving back to Vulcan. There have been some changes in my life the past year - _wonderful_ changes. Things are going really well for me."

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked as relief swept over her; she had expected her sister's reaction to be much more... unfavorable.

Suddenly, Sarah looked uncomfortable. "Well... I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Amanda eyed her sister suspiciously.

"It's... complicated."

Amanda scoffed. "Sarah, I'm married to a Vulcan. I know all about 'complicated.'"

"Well..." Sarah hesitated, then turned to the purse sitting on the chair next to her. Amanda watched, puzzled, as her sister reached inside it and withdrew her hand to hold something small and glittering up to the light.

"I'm engaged," she explained.

Amanda watched, wide-eyed, as Sarah slid a ring set with a large purple stone onto her left ring finger.

"_Sarah!_" she said, staring at the ring. "Engaged to _whom_? And why didn't you tell me?"

Sarah's cheeks were flushed pink as she bit back a smile. "You know him. The reason I don't wear the ring all the time is because our relationship is... well, secret. He was one of my professors."

Amanda's eyes widened further as it dawned on her. "_Professor_ _Sharma_?" she asked disbelievingly. Sarah nodded, no longer trying to hide her grin. Amanda's mouth opened and closed a few times, then she found her voice again. "How long has this been going on?" she demanded.

"We've been together a year. He proposed last month when he took me to visit one of his digs on Bajor..."

But Amanda was no longer listening. Something had just occurred to her; arms folded over her chest, she frowned down at her empty plate...

"Sarah..." she said slowly, interrupting her sister's story about how Professor Sharma had proposed to her on top of a pile of ancient Bajoran ruins. "Professor Sharma is the one responsible for getting my thesis published. He didn't just do it because of you, did he?"

"Of course not!" Sarah said, appalled. "Arjun knows perfectly well how to keep his private life separate from his professional one. He even refused to let me participate in the university-sponsored archaeological dig he's leading on Betazed this summer. He _knows_ how much I want to go, but it's for credit, and he refuses to do anything that even _remotely_ resembles favoritism." In spite of her professed disappointment, a mischievous smile spread on her face. "But I'm not too mad. He says he'll make it up to me."

Reassured that the publishing of her thesis was not some sort of act of favoritism on her professor's part because he was sleeping with her sister - and trying _not_ to imagine her professor sleeping with her sister - Amanda relaxed and picked up her glass of water again. "At least you've finally settled with someone who has his priorities straight," she remarked.

"Speaking of Arjun," Sarah said, looking around at the digital clock mounted on the wall. "I should get going. I'm supposed to be meeting him."

"Well, don't let me keep you from whatever romantic outing you have planned," smiled Amanda.

"More of a romantic evening that won't end until almost morning," Sarah smirked.

Amanda cringed inwardly at the implication and waved one of the servers over to take their credit cards.

Five minutes later, the sisters were back out on the San Franciscan street. Rain still cascaded down, pattering against the top of Amanda's umbrella as she opened it and turned to Sarah.

"I'll send you a transmission," she called over the sound of the rain pounding against the pavement.

Sarah hugged her tightly, icy water pouring onto Amanda from the top of her umbrella as it tilted sideways. "Congratulations," she whispered in her ear. "I'll want to meet my nephew, so you'd better expect me to visit you on Vulcan."

"Congratulations to you, too," Amanda said. "Make sure you invite me to the wedding."

"I will," Sarah said, pulling away. "I'm glad I wised up, you know," she said as she backed up, holding her umbrella high over her head. "I really did miss you."

"I missed you, too," Amanda said.

Sarah grinned and waved. She turned around and disappeared into the pouring rain. Amanda watched her go with a smile on her face, until she finally turned and headed down the street to where her hover-car was parked.

XXXXX

The living room was silent; Sarek and T'Shan sat in chairs before the empty fireplace, a three-dimensional chess board set up on a table between them. Hands folded together with pointer fingers resting against his lips, Sarek studied the pieces carefully.

"Lady Amanda has been gone for quite some time," T'Shan observed, her own black eyes trained on the board.

"She is dining with her sibling. I expect it to take a while," Sarek responded as he reached out to move a bishop.

T'Shan glanced out the window at the darkened sky and the torrents of silver rain falling down to the earth. "I am surprised you let her go out in this inclement weather," she said. "The cooler temperature may leave her susceptible to a rhinovirus, which would be no small thing in her condition, and the large amount of precipitation could hinder visibility and result in dangerous driving conditions."

The corners of Sarek's mouth twitched downward, but he did not take his eyes from the game. "There is no need to tell me, T'Shan," he said coolly. "I am well aware of the dangers. She, however, insisted on going."

"Ah," T'Shan said as she moved her rook up to the second tier. "And as we both know, the Lady Amanda will do as she pleases, no matter how logical our arguments against it are."

"Precisely," Sarek said bitterly as he considered his wife's stubbornness.

He had tried that morning to convince her to stay at home; she, of course, had told him he was being "silly" and that it would be rude of her to cancel the lunch meeting with such late notice. He had watched her leave with a great deal of displeasure and - as much as he disliked admitting it - worry. The dreadful possibilities of what could result from her going out in such unfavorable conditions had chased each other around in his mind for the last two hours, until he had challenged T'Shan to a game of chess in an effort to distract himself. So far, it had not been successful in driving his wife from his thoughts.

"I have been observing Lady Amanda. She does not seem... enthused... about the idea of relocating to Vulcan," T'Shan said several moves later.

He could feel her eyes boring into him, but he determinedly stared at the chess board, refusing to meet her gaze. "She will become accustomed to the idea," he said.

"Will she?" the elder asked mildly.

Sarek finally looked up; T'Shan was watching him intently.

"She understands why we must," he said. "Our son cannot be raised here. Half-human or not, he will still have Vulcan blood, and that blood will overpower that which is human in him."

"That is true, but it is not the _kan-bu_ I am concerned about at this time. Lady Amanda does not find a permanent life on Vulcan appealing. I know that she was never comfortable there before."

Sarek frowned as he looked back down at the chess board and reached out to move his queen. "Checkmate, T'Shan," he said.

"Ah," she said, looking back down at the board. "You have bested me yet again, _osu_."

"I am beginning to believe that you have not only been allowing me to win, but that you only accepted my challenge to a game so you could find an opportunity to discuss Amanda," he said, looking up at her.

T'Shan calmly met his gaze, but did not refute his claim.

Sitting back in his chair, Sarek surveyed her sternly. "I am aware of the fact that Amanda was not 'comfortable' on Vulcan before, but it is my belief that she will, in time, grow to accept it as her home," he said.

"Or perhaps she will not. But I think you could assist her with that. It is _my_ belief that all she needs to be at peace on Vulcan is something that reminds her of home," T'Shan said, giving him a pointed look.

Sarek opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, Amanda entered the living room. She was soaking wet, water dripping from her clothes onto the carpet; even from across the room, he saw a shiver run through her body.

"What's the point in using an umbrella if it doesn't even keep you dry?" she asked bitterly.

Sarek quickly stood and pressed a button next to the fireplace; warm flames instantly flared to life in the grate. He looked around at T'Shan, but before he could even open his mouth, she nodded once and hurried out of the living room.

"Sit," Sarek bid his wife as he took her arm and guided her to one of the vacant chairs in front of the fireplace.

Amanda rolled her eyes, but she did as he suggested and sat down. "Really, Sarek, I'm fine," she said.

"You should not have gone," he said severely as he sat down across from her. "A decrease in your body temperature could weaken your immune system and expose you to illness."

"I'm _fine_," she insisted. "Honestly, the way you and T'Shan act, you'd think I was made of glass..."

A few minutes later, T'Shan returned to remove the soaked jacket from Amanda's shoulders and replace it with a warm towel, before handing her a steaming cup of tea. Then she left them alone again.

Sarek watched as Amanda toed off her wet shoes and sat back in her chair with a contented sigh, sipping the hot tea.

"To tell you the truth, Sarek," she said thoughtfully as she stared into the crackling flames in the fireplace, "I didn't cancel because I was afraid that if I didn't tell Sarah _now_, I would keep putting it off. I was afraid she'd take the news badly."

"But she did not?" he asked.

"No. I think she has other things to distract her." Amanda smiled as she raised the cup to her lips again. "You'll be pleased to know that there's no reason to be jealous of Professor Sharma," she added before taking another sip.

"I am not 'jealous,'" Sarek said, stiffening at this implication. "He was your professor and instrumental in the publishing of your thesis. As an academic professional, he would hardly be interested in one of his students, especially not one who is married."

"Say what you will, but when we melded the last time, I _felt_ just how much you disliked it when he touched my shoulder at that seminar," Amanda said with a grin. "And I'm not so sure that he _wouldn't_ be interested in one of his students, by the way."

Despite his efforts to remain nonchalant, Sarek's hands tightened on the armrests of his chair. "What, exactly, does that mean?" he asked. Did this Professor Sharma have illicit feelings for _his_ wife? The very thought of it made his jaw clench.

Amanda laughed as she leaned forward to set her teacup on the table. "I'm not talking about _me_," she said.

Sarek felt himself relax. "Then what do you mean?" he asked.

"He's engaged to Sarah."

One slanted eyebrow rose. "Indeed," he said. "That is... interesting."

"Very. I would never have suspected it." Amanda looked around at the living room. "I see someone started packing."

Sarek looked around as well. The walls, once decorated with tapestries and paintings from both his home planet and Amanda's, were now bare. The antique rugs had been rolled up and taken away. The Vulcan vases that had decorated the mantelpiece were also gone. All that was left was the sofa, the two chairs they were currently occupying, and the table on which sat the three-dimensional chess board.

"T'Shan has drawn up a schedule for packing," Sarek explained. "One room will be cleared out a day. It should not take long to gather our possessions."

"Hmm." Amanda's lips pursed as she looked at their bare surroundings.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said quickly, leaning forward to pick up her tea again. "It's just... I'll miss it here."

Sarek watched his wife, a stab of guilt slicing through him. He had given her little choice in the matter of moving to Vulcan - perhaps even none at all. But what could he do? The move was necessary...

T'Shan's earlier words came back to him. Maybe she was right - all Amanda needed to be at peace on Vulcan was something that reminded her of home... but what? What could she possibly take to Vulcan that would make her feel at home?

Sarek's eyebrows drew together as the answer came to him: a memory - _Amanda's_ memory, something she had once shown him in a meld...

"I must make a call," Sarek announced abruptly as he stood. His brain was already working, planning ahead for the preparations that must be made...

"What?" Amanda asked, confused.

"You should change out of your wet clothing," Sarek said distractedly, already halfway to the door. "I will not be long."

A month was not much time, but he was sure it would be ready in time for their arrival. The more he thought about it, the more certain he was that this was exactly what she needed...

Amanda may not find anything of Earth on Vulcan - but he would bring a piece of it to her.


	18. Home

**Chapter 18: Home**

Amanda stared out of the observation window of the transport ship, arms wrapped tightly around herself. Below, a red planet swirled with white clouds hung suspended in the blackness of space, dominating the window's view.

Vulcan.

She had made this same journey every two weeks ever since learning of her pregnancy, to attend her check-ups with T'Ren and T'Para. But unlike the other times she had approached the planet at the end of the long trip, she now felt dread uncurling in her belly.

Before, she had only been visiting. This time, she was going home. And as far as she knew, it was going to be her home for a long, long time.

The door of the passenger room opened with a hiss; the sounds of bootsteps echoed against the metal walls as someone crossed the room to stand behind her.

"The shuttle is ready for deployment," Sarek said, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Sarek had insisted that they board and debark from the ship using a shuttle instead of the beaming technology the high-class transport was capable of. He had given her no valid explanation for this - and would never admit his real reason - but she knew this precaution stemmed from the illogical worry that using the transporter would somehow harm the baby.

"That's good," she said, but her spirits sank still lower.

"There is no need to be apprehensive about living on Vulcan," he said quietly. "Perhaps it will not be as bad as you are imagining it to be."

Amanda cast one last look at the planet below, then turned away from the window to face him. She had forgotten the bond was open and he could hear her thoughts.

"Maybe not," she said, willing herself to believe it.

Sarek reached out to stroke her cheek, his dark eyes unusually soft as he looked down at her.

"I know it is not ideal -" he began, but Amanda placed her hand over his to silence him.

"We've been over this," she said, giving him a small smile. "I agreed to come, Sarek. I'll be fine. In fact, I'm already working on something to keep me occupied."

"What do you mean?" he asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"You'll see, when the time is right."

The smallest of frowns appeared at the corners of his mouth. "What does that mean?"

"It means," Amanda said slowly, her smile widening as she looped her arm through his and began to steer him toward the door, "that you will find out when I present it to the Council."

"The Council?" Sarek stopped in the middle of the hallway outside the door. Amanda tugged on his arm, but he stayed rooted to the spot. "What are you working on that would require a presentation to the Council?"

"Nothing dangerous, and nothing that would cause any significant amount of stress," Amanda assured him, suppressing the urge to laugh at the alarm that now flooded her from across their link. "It'll be a few months before it's ready for presentation."

"You are supposed to be avoiding over-work, not starting new projects," Sarek reminded her.

"I don't have any work now other than the occasional seminar. I can handle it." She squeezed his arm and gave him a serene smile.

With the smallest of exasperated head-shakes, Sarek seemed to give up, and started walking toward the hangar bay again.

XXXXX

After a ten-minute shuttle ride, the spacecraft landed in front of Sarek's ancestral home, stirring up a cloud of sand as it touched down with a gentle bump. Sarek unbuckled his safety harness and rose from his seat; pulling the shuttle door open, he stepped down onto the soft sand.

He paused a moment to bask in the warmth of his home planet. Earth's cooler climates and high levels of humidity were inhospitable for any Vulcan, but he had become so accustomed to it that whenever he returned to Vulcan, he realized he had forgotten how it felt to be warmed by the hot sun's rays. It gave him a sense of... _home_.

When he turned to take Amanda's hand and help her down the steep shuttle steps, he noted that perspiration was already beading on her forehead, before quickly evaporating in the dry heat, and her chest heaved as her lungs struggled to take the oxygen they needed from the thin atmosphere.

_She does not belong here_.

He pushed the thought away as quickly as it had surfaced. Amanda would adapt quickly, as she always did. There was no need to feel... _guilt_... over making her relocate to Vulcan.

Not noticing that Sarek was studying her intently, Amanda sighed and looked up at the manor behind him. "We're home," she said.

He did not miss the bitterness in her tone. "We are," he agreed.

"It _is_ beautiful, you know," she said, her expression softer as she tilted her head to the side and gazed at the mansion.

Sarek looked up at the towering structure also. The ancient stone glowed blood-red as it reflected the crimson evening light; the sweeping arches and jagged spires cast dark shadows over the eastern side of the building, giving it a sinister appearance. It certainly was beautiful.

"Come, my _adun'a_," he said, turning back to her and touching her arm. "You must get out of the heat."

Amanda tore her eyes away from the manor and nodded. Sarek turned and led her up the steps, through the double doors, and into their home.

The entrance chamber looked the same as it always had; Vulcan tapestries and paintings hanging on the walls, sculptures and vases standing on pedestals around the room. As he surveyed the archaic Vulcan beauty, he again felt that sense of _home -_ but from Amanda he felt nothing but... sadness.

Repressing another twinge of guilt, he turned to face her. Now was the time to show her the surprise he had prepared for her, but now that the moment had come, he felt... trepidation. While arranging for the gift, he had been sure it was exactly what she needed, but now... what if he had been wrong?

"Amanda," he said quietly, reaching out to take her hand, "perhaps you need something to remind you of... home."

"What do you mean?" she asked, eyebrows rising, but he did not reply. Instead, he tightened his grip on her hand and took her through one of the doors that led from the entrance chamber into a long hallway.

"Sarek, where are we going?" He felt her surprise and curiosity mounting as they passed the stairs that led to the upper floors.

"You will see," Sarek said, one corner of his mouth lifting as he glanced sideways at her.

Amanda followed him down the corridor, then down another. Finally, they reached a hallway that ended in a pair of doors.

"You'd better have a good reason for dragging a pregnant woman a mile around the house," she said playfully.

"That was hardly a mile," Sarek said as he pressed a button to open the doors. "It was half a mile at most."

"Sarek!" Amanda said, shocked. "Was that a _joke_? I must be imagining..."

Her voice died away as the doors parted and she caught sight of what lay beyond. Sarek watched with satisfaction as her eyes widened.

What had once been nothing more than a bare stretch of sand behind the manor, was now a greenhouse. Glass walls and a ceiling had been constructed to enclose a large space in an environmentally-controlled room. Servants were busy filling row after row of planters with rich soil imported from Earth, while others placed large stone slabs on the ground to create walkways. A marble fountain carved into the shape of the Roman goddess Venus had been set in the center; sparkling jets of water arced through the air from the jug held over the statue's head and from the base of her pedestal, to land with a splash in the clamshell basin.

Amanda stared, mouth open, at the scene before her as she stepped over the threshold. Sarek followed her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"It is not finished, of course," he said. "But there was only so much that could be done in a month's time."

"Sarek..." Amanda said weakly. "It's amazing."

"The environmental controls are quite impressive," he said. "If you walk from one end of the greenhouse to the other, you will find that the temperature and humidity levels change. Any plant from any Earth climate can be grown here. You may order whatever plants you wish and design the garden yourself. It is entirely yours, Amanda."

"But..." Amanda turned to face him, her eyes still wide with shock. "_Why_ did you do this?"

"Once, in a meld, you showed me a memory. You and your mother were tending a garden together. It was a memory you are very fond of, and I thought perhaps you needed a... piece of Earth, quite literally, in order to be content here."

Her eyes glittered with unshed tears. And, although she usually refrained from doing anything in front of other Vulcans that would "embarrass" him, she threw her arms around his waist and buried her face against his chest.

"Thank you," she said, then drew away to look up at him. "This is exactly what I needed."

"You are welcome," he said, relief rolling over him. She was pleased - perhaps he would no longer feel guilty...

Amanda pulled away from him just as T'Shan appeared in the doorway leading back into the manor.

"Ah, I see you have shown her," T'Shan said. "Did you tell her that she is prohibited from working more than one hour a day in the garden?"

Amanda opened her mouth to protest, but T'Shan fixed her with a stern glare that quite plainly said there would be no arguing.

"I am surprised _osu_ Sarek even allowed this," T'Shan continued, glancing sharply over at him. "Physical labor is hardly recommended in your condition."

"So you knew about this? The garden?" Amanda asked.

"Of course I did." T'Shan looked almost affronted at the suggestion that she had not. "I helped _osu_ Sarek plan it."

Sarek watched as his wife grinned and moved to hug T'Shan. The Vulcan woman visibly stiffened in the human's embrace, her eyes widening as Amanda squeezed her tightly. When Amanda released her, T'Shan blinked rapidly several times before drawing in a deep breath.

"I must go... advise the kitchen staff to begin dinner," T'Shan said uneasily. She quickly moved away, as if afraid Amanda would ensnare her in another physical display of affection.

Amanda was shaking with laughter as T'Shan disappeared inside.

XXXXX

The garden quickly became Amanda's passion. She spent hours ordering plants, repotting, and tending to the new specimens; if T'Shan did not watch her closely and make her take frequent breaks, Amanda was sure she would stay in the greenhouse all day. The work was soothing and far more effective in staying boredom and loneliness than any other pasttime she had ever had; she hardly even noticed that Sarek was gone all day until he came home, and then they spent the evenings together.

When she was not working on expanding the garden, she sat on a bench next to the fountain, listening to the splashing of the water and inhaling the many exotic floral aromas that mingled in the air. It was peaceful, and so much like Earth that when she was there, she often forgot she was on an alien world.

But as much as she wished she could, she could not spend every waking moment in her private refuge. She still had projects to work on and lectures to attend - although T'Shan tried her best to change that.

"You seem tired. You have dark circles under your eyes," T'Shan scolded one day after Amanda returned to Vulcan from Earth. "You cannot get rest if you are constantly traveling."

"I'm not traveling constantly!" Amanda exclaimed. "That was my first lecture in weeks!" One hand cupped over her swollen belly, she lowered herself onto a divan in the living room. They had now been living on Vulcan for two months, and she was entering her sixth month of pregnancy. It seemed that the larger her belly got, the more T'Shan and Sarek fussed over her - and the more they insisted she no longer work, even though she was already barely working.

"_Osu_ Sarek will be displeased if he returns next week to find you ill. You must rest," T'Shan insisted. "Sleep awhile. When you wake, I will prepare your dinner."

When T'Shan had disappeared, Amanda laid down on the divan with a sigh. She would never admit it to the venerable Vulcan, but she _did_ feel unusually tired that day.

_Maybe she's right. Maybe it's time to put my lectures on hold,_ she thought to herself as her eyes closed and she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

_She was running down a dark corridor, bare feet slapping against the marble floor. Her white nightgown billowed behind her, her breath coming in short gasps as she fled, one hand cupped protectively over her belly._

_ She did not know what she was fleeing from; all she knew was that she had to keep running, had to reach the door at the end of the hallway... She knew she would be safe, if she could just get through that door..._

_ But when she skidded to a halt at the end of the hall, she found that the door was locked. Balling up her fists, she pounded on the door - but no one answered._

_ She sensed whatever had been chasing her closing in. Tears streaked her face as she spun around and cried out; "No! You can't have him!"_

_ But it was too late. The thing was reaching for her - she felt something warm and wet..._

Amanda sat up with a gasp, her heart pounding in her chest.

She knew almost immediately that something was wrong; there was a dull ache in her abdomen, and something warm and wet...

Amanda looked down; her eyes widened with horror when she saw the red stain that was quickly spreading on her Vulcan robes.

"No," she said, so quietly she could barely hear it. Her breathing quickened, her heart hammering in her chest as she repeated the word, louder this time; "_No_. NO. Please."

But saying the words did not make the blood disappear.

Hot tears blurred her eyes as she struggled to get up. A wave of dizziness rolled over her when she stood - she shot out one hand to grab a table.

Memories of her previous miscarriage were crashing over her. Pain - not physical, but emotional. Both hers and Sarek's, as they held each other that night. Pain and doubt, and heartbreak. No... she couldn't let that happen again...

The room was spinning. Amanda could no longer breathe - she was gasping for breath as she groped for something to hang onto. Her knees were threatening to buckle at any moment... Something was wrong with her, with the baby...

"T'SHAN!"

She cried out the single agonized word with the last of her breath. She was so dizzy, her mind so clouded she couldn't think straight... hot tears coursed down her cheeks, a sob caught in her throat...

There came the sound of something shattering nearby, but Amanda couldn't focus her eyes to see what it was.

"No," she whispered again, her knees giving in at last...

Warm arms encircled her waist just as she began to fall. "I am here, Lady Amanda," said a familiar voice in her ear. "I am taking you to the hospital now. It is not too late..."

Then all Amanda knew was darkness.

XXXXX

Sarek was in a conference when he felt it: panic. Panic so strong it made his heart pound in his side and his breathing quicken.

And then nothing. It was gone as quickly as it had come, the bond firmly closed.

He tried to access the mind-link, but felt nothing. His own panic now mounting, he stood abruptly from the conference table.

The Rigelians looked up at him quizzically.

"I must go," he said flatly, answering their unspoken question as he quickly gathered his PADDs.

"_Go_?" the Rigelian ambassador asked incredulously. "Ambassador Sarek, we are in the middle of negotiating a very important trade agreement -"

"I am aware of that," Sarek snapped.

The Rigelians stared at him in shock. Sarek paused and took a deep breath to center himself.

"I apologize, but this is a private matter that is of extreme importance. I must go. Now." Turning to his left, he nodded toward his assistant. "Junior ambassador Saluk can continue in my absence."

Saluk's eyes widened a fraction of an inch. Sarek had not yet allowed the young Vulcan a chance to handle negotiations on his own, and he did not wish to this time - but he had no choice.

"You know what the Council's trade demands are. Do not back down," Sarek said quietly to Saluk as he closed his PADD case. Without another word, he turned and left the room, the Rigelians gaping after him.

He stopped at his temporary quarters only long enough to attempt to contact Vulcan. When neither T'Shan nor Amanda answered the holophone, his panic rose sharply.

Vulcan was nearly a day away from the Rigel system. By the time he arrived, it could very well be too late.

XXXXX

**A/N: Sorry to leave you with such a cliffhanger. Good news is, it won't be as long before my next update. **


	19. Unbreakable

**Chapter 19: Unbreakable**

Sarek strode up the driveway of his ancestral home as the sun sank in the west, his cloak billowing behind him, his boots kicking up a cloud of fine sand. Reaching the stone steps, he took them two at a time; the double doors opened to admit him into the cool entrance chamber.

It had taken twenty hours to return to Vulcan from the Rigel system, and he still had not heard from either Amanda or T'Shan. He had tried, countless times, to access the mind-link - but either Amanda was in grave danger, or she was purposefully blocking him. The knowledge that the bond had not snapped was the only thing keeping him from losing all semblance of control over his panic.

Pausing inside the doors, Sarek listened. From the living room, he heard the sounds of someone moving around - with a leap of hope, he headed in that direction. Perhaps the communications systems in the house were down, and Amanda had been too busy working in the garden to realize he was trying to contact her via their bond...

But when he arrived in the doorway of the living room, instead of finding Amanda waiting for him, he saw two servants; one, cleaning up a tray of spilt food and broken glass that lay just inside the doorway, the second, scrubbing at a stain on the divan.

"What happened?" he demanded as his eyes went from an overturned table to the shards of glass glittering on the rug.

The servants immediately straightened from their tasks.

"_Osu_..." the male who had been cleaning up the fallen tray began, but Sarek held up a hand for silence. He stepped closer to the divan; now that the Vulcan woman had moved out of the way, he had an unobstructed view of what she had been attempting to clean.

There, on the cushions, was a dark stain that looked horribly like...

"Blood." His voice was deadly quiet as he spoke the one word, but he felt a pain in his side. His stomach lurched uncomfortably, and he could no longer breathe.

This could mean only one thing, but even presented with the evidence, part of him refused to accept it.

"We were not on duty, _osu_," the woman explained, her eyes trained on the floor. "No one was. T'Shan released all of the servants for the day when Lady Amanda returned from her trip to Earth. We did not even know anything had happened until we arrived for our cleaning duties an hour ago. T'Shan left no message."

"Get rid of that divan," he ordered roughly, finally tearing his eyes away from it. "I do not want to see it again." Without another word, he spun around on one heel and exited the room.

He knew where Amanda and T'Shan were; there was nowhere else they could be. Marching through the double doors again and across the darkening grounds, he headed to his hover-car.

XXXXX

Through the doors of the Vulcan hospital - past stunned physicians and onlookers - Sarek strode toward the lift that led up to the patient wards. No one dared stop him; they all knew who he was, and it was obvious by the way he swept past them that he was not to be deterred from his goal.

As he entered the lift, a physician joined him.

"Where is she?" Sarek asked as the lift doors closed.

The physician needed no elaboration. "S'chn T'gai Amanda is on the third floor, _osu_," he replied.

When the lift arrived on the third floor and the doctor made to follow him, Sarek raised one hand to stop him. "There is no need to follow me," he said coolly.

"_Osu_, visitors are not allowed to wander alone -"

"_I _," Sarek said, his tone now ice-cold, "am no regular visitor."

He was already teetering on the very edge of his control; the last thing he needed was this meddlesome doctor, whom he did not even know, to delay him. He had get to Amanda - he _must_ learn what had occurred - and, if the worst had come to pass, comfort his wife.

The physician, plainly seeing that Sarek was in no mood for confrontation, fell back and watched silently as the ambassador made his way alone down the corridor. Scanning the electronic plaques mounted next to the doors, he found the one bearing Amanda's name at the very end of the hallway.

His heart was thudding sickeningly fast in his side as he stopped outside the door. He had always known it was possible to lose the child, but he had thought he would be able to withstand it, should it happen. Now, he was discovering just how unprepared he was for the painful emotions that engulfed him as he recalled the last night he had spent on Vulcan:

_Amanda had been feeling the child kick all day, and was determined that he would feel it, too, before he left for Rigel. They had lain on the bed together, her back against his chest, she holding one of his hands in place on her belly. He had waited patiently for nearly an hour without feeling anything, and was about to give up, when he finally felt a stirring against his palm - a flutter so slight that he almost missed it._

_ "Did you feel it?" Amanda whispered, squeezing his hand._

_ "I did," Sarek replied. Pulling her closer, he buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent. Despite his insistence that it was not logical to do so, he knew he would spend the night waiting to feel the flutter again._

He had not thought feeling the child move would affect him, and indeed had even thought his wife illogical for insisting that he wait for it, but he had been wrong. The moment he felt his son move against his hand, an unexpected warmth had filled him - and, for the first time, he had found himself truly looking forward to parenthood.

But now, as he faced the hospital room door, he realized that could very well be the only time he would feel his child stir. As he summoned up the courage to press the button and enter, he realized he was afraid of what may lie beyond.

Knowing he could not discover the fate of his son by standing outside, he drew in one last deep breath and opened the door. He stepped into the room.

Sarek paused just inside the doorway. The room was dimly lit by strips running along the walls. Soft beeps and chirps emanated from the biobed on which Amanda lay curled up on her side, one arm folded over her stomach as she slept. After a moment's hesitation, he walked slowly toward the bed, reaching out to gently touch the hand resting on her pillow.

He did not even realize T'Shan was there until he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

"_Osu_," she said as she rose from her chair in the corner.

He gestured for her to be quiet, but it was too late. Amanda's eyes opened; she stared at him for a few seconds before a weak smile appeared on her lips.

"Amanda..." he began, but then stopped. He did not know what else to say.

"I'm fine, Sarek," she assured him, lacing her fingers through his.

Sarek hesitated, not wanting to ask his next question; but when his eyes traveled from her face down to her belly, she seemed to know what he was thinking.

"He's fine, too," she whispered.

Tidal waves of relief rolled over him as he sank down into the chair next to the biobed.

"What happened?" he asked when he had recovered. Shooting T'Shan a malevolent glare - which she returned with a risen eyebrow - he added, "Why was I not contacted?"

"It's not T'Shan's fault," Amanda said, tightening her grip on his hand. "She hasn't left my side long enough to call you."

"And the mind-link? I tried to contact you many times."

"Did you?" she asked, frowning. "I've been sleeping a lot. And I didn't contact _you_ because I didn't want you to abandon your work and come running needlessly to my side. As you can see, _that_ didn't turn out so well."

Sarek opened his mouth to reprimand her - but one look at her pale face and tired smile stopped him. She had been through enough. At the moment, he should merely be grateful that all was well.

The door swished open behind them. "I was told you had arrived, Sarek. I hoped to intercept you before you entered Lady Amanda's room."

"T'Ren," Sarek acknowledged as the Vulcan physician went around the biobed to stand on the side opposite to him.

"I am sure you wish to know the specifics of your mate's condition," T'Ren said, turning on her tricorder and scanning Amanda's abdomen. She looked at the device's screen for a few seconds before shutting it off and marking something on her PADD. Without another word, she gestured for him to follow her and headed for the door.

Sarek was reluctant to leave Amanda's side so soon, but he squeezed her hand reassuringly before releasing it and turning to follow the xenophysician into the hallway.

Once they were alone, T'Ren turned to him. "Lady Amanda arrived just in time. We were able to stop the bleeding and stabilize both her and the fetus, although she did sustain a substantial amount of blood loss." She frowned as she looked up at Sarek. "I did not tell Lady Amanda, but I am astounded the child is still alive. In most cases, such severe bleeding indicates a miscarriage in the late stages, and the child would be beyond saving. He is strong."

"Is he still in any danger?" Sarek asked. His hands were clasped tightly before him, but his face betrayed none of the anxiety he felt.

"No. On the contrary, both he and the mother are exhibiting strong vital signs. Whatever occurred to cause this episode, it has passed. He is quite healthy and developing normally."

"You do not know what caused this?" His brows drew together. "Could it have been stress of any kind?"

"I am still running tests to determine the cause. Lady Amanda insists she has not been under stress, but T'Shan is equally adamant that her mistress' condition is due to her traveling to Earth. I, however, believe this was merely a biological anomaly."

"'A biological anomaly?'" Sarek repeated.

"Yes. It is possible that this was caused by something so simple as a hormonal imbalance, or one of many other hundreds of causes. We may never know."

Sarek crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "And what do you suggest for her recovery?"

"I have given her an iron supplement and increased her medications. She will stay here two more days for observation, and then she will be confined to bed-rest for at least three weeks. As an added precaution, I will prohibit her from future interplanetary travel."

"Thank you, T'Ren," Sarek said. "Your assistance is greatly appreciated."

"It is my job, _osu_." T'Ren glanced down at her PADD. "I must go. There are other patients to tend to."

Sarek watched her walk toward the lift. Now reassured of both his wife's and his son's health, he turned back to the hospital room.

"T'Shan, perhaps you should go home and see to the servants," Sarek said when he entered.

The Vulcan woman nodded. "I will be back in the morning," she said, moving past Sarek to the door.

At last alone with his wife, Sarek sank down onto the edge of the bed beside her, as she moved to make room for him.

"What did T'Ren say?" Amanda asked as she picked up his arm and placed it around her shoulders. Curling up against his side, she rested her head against his chest.

"She said our son is strong," Sarek replied, laying a hand on her belly.

"Must be those S'chn T'gai genes," she teased.

He placed two fingers under her chin to tilt her face up toward his. "I am... sorry... that I was not here."

Amanda moved up so they were at eye-level, and leaned forward to press her forehead against his. "You couldn't help it," she whispered. "I won't lie and say I wasn't scared, because I was. But everything is fine now, and you're here. That's what matters."

Sarek opened their bond for the first time since he arrived at the hospital; sure enough, all he felt from her was peace, relief, and... exhaustion.

"You should sleep," he said.

She nodded, stifling a yawn as she snuggled up to him again. He did not even have a chance to wish her good night before she fell asleep.

XXXXX

Amanda slowly blinked her eyes open; the hospital room was completely dark, and she heard no movement around her. Sarek had still been beside her when she went to sleep, but when she reached out, her hand met only empty space.

"Sarek?" she asked sleepily, trying to sit up.

A hand pushed her gently back down to the mattress. The voice that welcomed her, while familiar and pleasant, was not the one she wanted to hear.

"_Osu_ Sarek will be back soon," T'Shan said.

"Where did he go?" Amanda frowned as she rubbed at her bleary eyes; she could just barely make out T'Shan's silhouette in the chair beside the bed.

"He left only minutes ago. He said he needed to 'ensure that his junior ambassador did not ruin negotiations with the Rigelians.'"

Amanda smiled. "Sounds like him. How long did I sleep?"

"Nearly twelve hours," T'Shan replied. "Computer: open shades."

The shades covering the window parted; bright Vulcan sunlight streamed into the room and fell in thick bars on Amanda's bed.

"I still feel so tired," she said, laying her head back against the pillows and closing her eyes.

"That is not surprising, considering the ordeal you went through not even forty-eight hours ago," T'Shan said.

She opened her eyes again and turned her head so she could see T'Shan, who sat watching her, the PADD she had been reading while Amanda slept abandoned on a table next to her.

"All I remember is waking up from my nap and seeing all that blood," she said. "And then I was here, waking up again to find you fussing over my blanket." She managed a grin at the memory.

"I was hardly 'fussing,'" T'Shan said, lips pursed. "Your blanket was not covering you satisfactorily."

Amanda laughed quietly as she turned her head to look back up at the ceiling. But when the laughter subsided, she felt unexpected tears stinging her eyes as she remembered what it had been like to wake up to find herself covered in blood, the sheer panic that had coursed through her...

Biting her lip, she placed her hand over her belly. "I thought for sure I was going to... that he was..." She drew in a deep, shuddering breath. "When I woke up here, I thought I'd lost him." A single tear escaped from the corner of her eye, but she quickly wiped it away.

"But you did not. The little _thol_ is quite strong," T'Shan said, the corners of her lips lifting in a rare half-smile.

"Yes, so I've been told." Amanda ran a hand over her protruding belly; she felt a stirring within, and a smile spread on her face.

Silence stretched between them for a few minutes. She could feel T'Shan's eyes on her, and knew the Vulcan had something to say. But she waited, watching the play of light on the ceiling. It filtered through a pitcher of water standing on a table at the foot of the biobed.

When T'Shan finally spoke, her voice was so quiet Amanda had to strain to hear it.

"I had a son, once."

Amanda's lips parted in surprise as she looked around. T'Shan was not looking at her; her eyes were lowered to the hands folded in her lap.

"It is not something I speak of often," she said. "It is a painful subject."

Recovering from her shock, Amanda reached for the switch that raised the upper half of the bed and adjusted it so she was sitting up. "Tell me," she coaxed gently. "You said 'once.' What happened to him?"

T'Shan met her gaze again. "His name was Satuvek," she said, black eyes full of sorrow as she spoke the name. "When he was eight years old, he set out to complete the _kahs'wan_. It is a dangerous ritual, but every Vulcan child goes through it. My mate, Selenik, and I allowed him to go."

She stopped. Amanda waited patiently as the Vulcan took a deep breath, her eyes again wandering back down to her hands.

"He did not return," she said, voice quavering slightly. Amanda had never heard emotion in T'Shan's voice before, but it was unmistakably there. When she continued, however, her tone was even and controlled "Selenik and I set out with a small search party to look for him when he did not come back. We finally found him in Vulcan's Forge, but it was too late. From what we could deduce, Satuvek had been attacked by a lematya; he was able to incapacitate it, but not before it struck him with its poisonous claws. He died before we arrived."

Amanda felt a painful lump form in her throat, tears pricking at her eyelids. "That must have been awful, losing your son like that," she said hoarsely. Reaching over, she laid her hand over T'Shan's. The Vulcan quickly withdrew - but not before Amanda felt a surge of her grief. "Oh, T'Shan," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

T'Shan looked away to stare intently out the window. "I did not only lose my son that day, Amanda. I lost my bondmate as well. Selenik and I were once very... fond of each other. We were more attached emotionally than most Vulcan couples. But the pain of our son's death drove us apart."

Amanda was touched by the informal usage of her name; in all the time that she had known her, T'Shan had never called her by her first name alone. "T'Shan..." she said, trying to swallow past the growing lump, "you're always telling me that bondmates have to help each other. That they have to be each other's support..."

"That advice is borne from the pain of my own mistakes." T'Shan stood from her chair, wrapping her arms around herself as she went to the window and looked down into the streets of Shi'Kahr. "At first, Selenik and I did try to help each other through our pain, the same way you and _osu_ Sarek have helped each other many times. But we did not try hard enough. In the end, we let our grief consume us until we could not even bear to look at each other. Each of us saw the other as a reminder of the day we found our son in the Forge."

"What... what did you do then?" Amanda asked.

T'Shan turned around to face her, sadness etched into every contour of her face. "The only thing we _could_ do. We went our separate ways. Selenik now lives in another city, and I continue to serve the S'chn T'gai household. I see him only once every seven years, when I complete my duty as his bondmate to help him through his Time. Even then, we are strangers to each other."

"But - haven't you ever tried again? You say you've learned from your mistakes - maybe you could still fix it," Amanda said desperately.

"It is too late for that," T'Shan said, shaking her head slowly. "The time to mend our marriage is long past. It is beyond repair."

Amanda bit her lip as she tried to keep her tears at bay - a battle she was quickly losing. T'Shan had become one of her closest friends in the past two years; she had always been there, listening to everything Amanda had to say. She was always there to offer advice, to give support - to guide Amanda and Sarek through every trial and argument. But her past had always been shrouded in mystery. Every time Amanda tried to ask T'Shan about her life, the Vulcan would rebuff her questions with stony silence. Now, she knew why.

_What must it have been like,_ Amanda wondered sadly, _to lose both a child and a husband in one day?_

"You are crying," T'Shan said, brow furrowing with concern as she stepped forward. "I have upset you. Forgive my lapse of judgment; I do not know what made me speak of this."

"Don't apologize," Amanda sniffed, wiping at her damp cheeks with one hand. "Thank you for telling me."

The door opened and they looked up as Sarek entered. He stopped short when he saw Amanda, who was still wiping at her cheeks, and T'Shan - who stood with her hands folded in front of her, eyes lowered guiltily to the floor.

"Has something happened?" he asked cautiously.

T'Shan glanced up at Amanda, then quickly back down at the floor. "If my services are no longer needed here today, _osu_, I must go home and oversee the servants."

"That is not needed. You just returned."

The Vulcan woman hesitated, then looked up to meet Sarek's eyes. "I am in need of meditation."

Sarek surveyed her with a frown, but finally nodded. T'Shan glanced again at Amanda before quickly exiting the room.

Once they were alone, Sarek turned to her. "What is wrong?" he asked.

Amanda sighed shakily. "Did you know about Satuvek?"

Sarek blinked. "Of course I did. He was twenty years my junior, but I remember him clearly. I accompanied T'Shan and Selenik on the search party."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she asked.

"It was not my place to do so." Sarek sat down on the edge of her bed. "This is what has upset you?"

"I can't imagine what T'Shan must have gone through," Amanda said, taking Sarek's right hand into hers. "To lose her son like that, and then her husband as a result. And here I was, thinking _my_ life was a tragedy just because I bled a little -"

"It was _not_ a little. You are still anemic," Sarek said flatly.

"The point is, I _didn't_ lose this baby. T'Shan lost all the family she had, and I thought_ I_ had it bad."

"I doubt she took offense at your ignorance of her situation," Sarek said. "I admit, I am surprised she even mentioned Satuvek to you. Neither I nor anyone else has heard her speak of him in over thirty-five years."

Amanda sighed heavily again as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Can you promise me something?" she asked softly.

"That would depend on what it is you want me to promise."

"Whatever happens in the future, don't let us drift apart like T'Shan and Selenik. I don't want us to end up like them, no matter what. We have to work together to get through any tragedies we may face."

"Of that, you have no need to worry," Sarek said, drawing her closer against him.

"Say it," she said, wrapping her arms around him.

"I promise I will not let us drift apart. No matter what."

And Amanda knew he wouldn't.

XXXXX

**Vulcan Vocabulary:**

**_thol_ = noble, a ranked member of the nobility**

**A/N: ATTENTION READERS!**

**After listening to much complaining on TeaOli's part that T'Shan needs some "lovin'," I have been working closely with her to do just that. As you all know, I can barely juggle two stories, let alone three, and since it was her idea anyway, I am letting her take the reins.**

**With my (very!) close supervision and counseling, TeaOli is writing a T'Shan/Christopher Pike fic (strange, I know, but it works!) set in the reboot 'verse after the destruction of Vulcan. The story and plot is entirely TeaOli's, I am only lending my favorite OC. (For my own selfish reasons, as I am dying to see T'Shan get some lovin' too)  
**

**The story is showing great promise already, and as TeaOli is a fantastic writer, I know you will enjoy it.**

**If you are as big a fan of T'Shan as I am (and I love her to death!) I encourage you all to read it: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6354913/1 (Replace the dots with periods)  
**


	20. The Vrekasht

**Chapter 20: The _Vrekasht _**

After what she had come to refer to in her mind as The Scare, Amanda had every intention of following her physician's orders to the letter. If that meant eating a special diet full of disgusting Vulcan food to give her child the nutrition he needed, so be it. If it meant taking twice as many hypos a day as before, she would do it. If that meant bed-rest, well damn it, she'd stay in bed.

But that didn't mean she had to _like_ it.

With a frustrated sigh, Amanda tossed her PADD to the side, startling the gray cat that was curled up next to her. Large amber eyes reproachful, T'Lynn glared up at the human who had interrupted her nap.

"Sorry, T'Lynn," Amanda said, reaching over to scratch the cat under the chin. T'Lynn's eyes closed lazily as she purred, stretching out her neck to give Amanda better access. "I feel like I'll go crazy if I read another word."

She'd been stuck in bed for a whole week now. At first, it hadn't been so bad - her recent ordeal had left her anemic and exhausted, even with the iron supplement T'Ren had given her, and she'd been grateful for the excuse to sleep all day. And she'd secretly enjoyed it when Sarek brought her meals and kept her company, playing his _ka'athyra_ for her until late in the night. But after the first few days of doing nothing but sleeping and reading, the novelty had worn off.

She _wanted_ to start working on a new paper for the anthropological journal, but couldn't without access to the computer in her office, on which she had stored hundreds of downloaded books for note-taking. She _wanted_ to work on the project she hoped to soon present to the Council, but the files she needed were on a data chip - which was also in her office. She knew without even asking that neither Sarek nor T'Shan would bring her the materials she required.

With another sigh, Amanda resignedly picked up her PADD. She'd have to make do with what she had - or rather, what her prison wardens _allowed_ her to have.

Brow furrowed, she tried to concentrate on the text before her, but she hadn't gotten past the first sentence when the comm panel mounted next to the door sounded and a cool, female voice flowed throughout the room.

"Lady Amanda?"

"Yes, T'Shan?" Amanda called, setting aside the PADD again and moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"There is a... _vrekasht_... at the gates. She claims that she has an appointment with you, but I have received no word that you are expecting a visitor."

"_Vrekasht_." Amanda murmured the unfamiliar word under her breath, a frown tugging down the corners of her mouth. She had never encountered the Vulcan word before; while she was quite proficient in her husband's language, her handle of it was far from perfect. "Did she state her name?" she asked.

"She says her name is T'Aral." T'Shan's voice carried a note of skepticism, as if she thought the visitor might be lying. "Shall I summon the V'Kor?"

Amanda gasped, clapping a hand to her forehead. "Oh! T'Shan, let her in - there's no need to call the police."

She'd completely forgotten T'Aral would be coming today. The appointment had been scheduled weeks before, but recent events had driven it clean out of her mind.

"Shall I escort her up to your chamber?" T'Shan asked.

Amanda hesitated, then stood and went to the closet. She knew T'Shan would have the Vulcan equivalent of a fit, but she refused to greet a visitor from bed.

"No, T'Shan. I'm coming down," she replied, pulling out a set of dark-brown, gold-embroidered Vulcan robes that would accommodate her rounded belly.

There was a long silence on the other end of the comm link. When T'Shan spoke again, her tone was stiff.

"Your physician ordered bed-rest."

"No-o-o," Amanda said slowly as she closed the robes' fasteners, "T'Ren put me on _light_ bed-rest. She said I'm allowed to walk around, as long as I don't do anything too demanding. It's _you_ and _Sarek_ who insist on keeping me in my bedroom like a prisoner. I'm coming down whether you like it or not."

The comm was silent, but Amanda knew the Vulcan woman was not done - and, sure enough, when she reached the bottom of the staircase five minutes later T'Shan was waiting for her.

"I insist that you return to bed at once," the Vulcan said firmly.

"No," Amanda said flatly. "If the doctor says it's fine, it's fine."

"T'Ren is an admirable physician, but on this issue I disagree with her," T'Shan said. "You are my charge, and I ask that you return to your bed."

"No," Amanda repeated, crossing her arms over over her chest and raising one eyebrow in a perfect imitation of her husband's. "Your concern for my well-being is appreciated. Really. But I can't stay in that bedroom a moment longer."

She knew Sarek wouldn't be happy when he returned home to find that she'd been out of bed - T'Shan would undoubtedly tell him - but after a week of being cooped up in their bedchamber, she was willing to take the risk.

T'Shan's lips pursed and her dark eyes narrowed in disapproval, but she did not protest further. Folding her hands together before her, she nodded once toward an archway to Amanda's left.

"She is waiting in the entrance chamber," she said. Then she turned to walk away; as she passed Amanda, the human distinctly heard her mutter, "_Osu_ Sarek will be extremely displeased with me," under her breath before she disappeared into the corridor.

Pushing aside a pang of guilt - for she knew Sarek _would_ be displeased with T'Shan - Amanda turned to the archway and entered the entrance hall.

The chamber was dimly lit by recessed lighting in the vaulted ceiling; all along the walls were statues, tapestries and vases placed on pedestals. Next to the entrance, a figure clad in simple black robes was inspecting a decorative pillar carved with ancient Vulcan glyphs.

"T'Aral?" Amanda stepped forward into the pool of light cast from above.

The Vulcan woman tensed in surprise before quickly turning around to face her.

"Lady Amanda," she said, regaining her composure, her shoulders relaxing as she folded her hands before her. "I did not know you were there."

Amanda smiled gently as she moved to stand across from T'Aral. "I'm sorry about the hold-up at the gates - things have been hectic around here and I forgot to tell the staff you'd be coming. The ambassador is quite strict about security and no one's allowed in without special permission."

"That is understandable," T'Aral said with a nod.

They stood there a moment in silence, observing each other. T'Aral looked like every other Vulcan woman Amanda had ever met; her slanted eyebrows and pointed ears made her indistinguishable from any other Vulcan, but the features that usually made other Vulcans look austere only enhanced her natural beauty. The only unusual thing about her appearance was her long, dark hair, which was pulled back and twisted into a simple bun rather than wound into one of the elaborate coifs most Vulcan women preferred.

"Perhaps we should begin," T'Aral said, breaking the silence and inclining her head toward Amanda.

"Oh - right," Amanda said, turning to the archway. "This way."

She led the Vulcan through the corridors until they arrived at her office. Going straight to her desk, she began to gather the PADDs scattered across its surface.

"Sorry about the mess," she said, dropping all but one of the PADDs into a desk drawer. "I haven't had the chance to clean up. My husband tells me my office always looks as if a Vulcan sandstorm blew through it, but I don't allow the servants to tidy it for me. I might lose something."

"It does bear quite a resemblance to the damage caused by a _grazhiv-sahriv_."

Amanda turned to reply, but stopped short. T'Aral was observing the chaos of her office, a smile curving her lips, dark eyes shining with amusement as she took in the toppled stacks of PADDs on every surface; the styluses littering the floor which she'd dropped and been unable, in her current condition, to pick up; the ornaments and figurines that cluttered her shelves and tabletops.

She had never seen a Vulcan smile before, and she found herself staring at the woman across from her, lips parted in surprise. T'Aral, seeming to sense her gaze, turned to look at her - and then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the smile was gone and her eyes were again masked.

"Such disorderliness is illogical. It must be difficult to find what you need in here," she said. Her tone was controlled and even, but Amanda saw the green blush creeping into the Vulcan's cheeks.

Amanda eyed T'Aral warily, but decided not to mention the strange incident. Perhaps she'd only imagined it. Vulcans don't smile, after all.

"Sarek says that too, but I know where everything is," she said, taking her seat behind the desk and gesturing for T'Aral to sit in a chair across from her. Once she was settled, Amanda began; "Still, my husband has been insisting for months that I hire an assistant to help with my work, and a few months ago he even gave me a list of assistants for hire from the Federation database. I was going to hire one of them, but then you were recommended to me by a friend. I believe you know Axana of Betazed?"

"I was her assistant for a brief amount of time," T'Aral explained. "But then I was called away from Betazed to see to personal matters."

"I'm astounded by your record," Amanda said, picking up a nearby PADD and calling up the file with a jab of her stylus. "You received high scores on the Vulcan Science Academy entrance exams and have worked for a number of important foreign dignitaries, as well as assisted in several important scientific discoveries." Amanda looked up at the Vulcan across from her. "_Why_ in the wide galaxy are you working as an assistant? Surely there are better opportunities out there for you."

There was no mistaking it this time; the corners of T'Aral's mouth lifted in a bitter smile as she replied, "There are few employers willing to hire me."

"Why?" Amanda asked, puzzled.

T'Aral's smile faded away. She looked at Amanda thoughtfully for a moment, then said, "I am sure you have realized by now that even on Vulcan there are those who are considered lesser than others."

"How are you lesser than any other Vulcan?" Amanda asked, brows knitting together in a frown.

T'Aral's sardonic smile returned, but it did not reach her eyes, which glimmered with sadness as she softly replied, "My family is _V'tosh t'shaukash_."

Suddenly, everything made sense. T'Shan's suspicion of the visitor at the gates, T'Aral's odd behavior... Amanda leaned back in her chair, hands folded over her swollen belly as she studied the woman across from her. Several silent seconds ticked by before she spoke.

"They're Vulcans of Passion," she murmured.

T'Aral nodded once. "You are familiar with them."

"I've _heard_ of them. My husband told me about them. The _V'tosh t'shaukash_ rejected the teachings of Surak and live separate from the rest of the Vulcan population."

The Vulcan nodded slowly. "The _V'tosh t'shaukash_ are looked down upon by most _V'tosh t'olozhikaik_ - Vulcans of Logic. Although I aspire to convert to the ways of Surak and struggle to conceal my emotions, I am forever marked by their name. I, like them, am considered a _vrekasht_ - an outcast. It is not easy to make one's way on Vulcan with such a disadvantage. Many potential employers refuse to even meet with me once they discover who my family is."

"I don't understand how a race that's supposed to be logical can treat their own kind that way." Amanda shook her head in disgust.

T'Aral raised one fine, slanted eyebrow. "Vulcans are not perfect. Even they have prejudices, and the _V'tosh t'shaukash_ are an embarrassment to them. They are a reminder of what the_ V'tosh t'olozhikaik_ once were."

"Well." Amanda picked up the PADD displaying T'Aral's employment file and dropped it into her desk drawer with the others. Then she turned to meet the Vulcan's eyes directly. "I can guarantee you that _I _won't treat you like an inferior Vulcan. You're hired."

T'Aral shifted uneasily in her chair. "I was willing to meet with you when you contacted me because Axana encouraged me to, Lady Amanda, but perhaps it is best that I do not accept this position. Your bondmate is an important and influential politician - I doubt he would approve of your... consorting with me."

Amanda scoffed. "Sarek will say nothing about it. This is _my_ decision, not his." Placing her hands on the armrests of her chair, she heaved herself to her feet and walked around the desk to stand before T'Aral. "I'm on bed-rest for the next two weeks, but I'll expect you to arrive at 0900 hours every morning. I recently wrote a thesis for an anthropological journal that's garnered quite a bit of attention and -"

"I read the thesis you speak of," T'Aral said, also standing. "It was quite... interesting."

"Yes, well... I'm still getting calls from journalists and people all over the galaxy who want me to give lectures. You'll need to sort through them and respond. I'm also working on several projects - new papers, things like that - and I'd appreciate your help with research. It's not terribly interesting, I'm afraid, but if the project I plan on presenting to the Council is approved, you're going to have a lot more to do."

"A project for the Council?" T'Aral repeated, tilting her head curiously. "What sort of project?"

Amanda went back to her desk and picked up a red data chip. Turning to T'Aral, she pressed it into the other woman's hand.

"Take a look at it," she said. "Any input you might have would be appreciated. I haven't shared it with anyone else yet, not even my husband."

T'Aral placed the chip in a deep pocket of her robes. "I will, my Lady," she said.

"If you're going to work for me, I have one rule," Amanda said, looking at the Vulcan sternly. "If you break the rule, you're fired."

"What is this rule?" T'Aral asked, eyebrows drawing together.

Amanda's seriousness melted away, replaced by a wide smile. "Never, _ever_ call me 'my Lady' or 'Lady Amanda.' I get enough of that around here. Just call me Amanda."

"I will endeavor to follow this rule... Amanda." A smile flickered over T'Aral's lips, but with another flush of green blooming on her cheeks, it disappeared. "I should be going," she said, averting her eyes from the human's.

Amanda led T'Aral out of the office, through the corridors and back to the entrance chamber, where they said their goodbyes. When T'Aral had gone, Amanda turned to head back upstairs - only to find T'Shan blocking the archway, watching the human with subtle, but unmistakable disapproval written into every line of her face.

"Yes, yes, I'm going back to bed. No need to fret," Amanda said, taking a step toward the archway.

T'Shan did not move. "You hired her," she said. It was not a question.

"I did," Amanda said, folding her arms over her chest.

"You do realize what she is, do you not?" T'Shan asked in a low tone.

"I do. She's an over-qualified Vulcan who is now my assistant," Amanda coolly replied.

"She is an outcast."

"Yes - a _vrekasht_." She said the word contemptuously. "And I hired her anyway."

"_Osu_ Sarek will not -"

"_Osu_ Sarek is not my master," Amanda interrupted. "And he knows that."

Even as the words left her mouth, the front doors opened behind her again, filling the chamber with bright sunlight and letting in a hot, dry breeze that carried with it a fine cloud of sand into the entrance hall. Then the heavy doors closed again, leaving them in semi-darkness that was relieved only by the dim lighting overhead.

Amanda turned to face the doors, where Sarek stood frowning at her.

"You should be in bed," he said. His eyes darted from Amanda to T'Shan and back again. "Why are you down here?"

"I had an appointment with my new assistant," Amanda replied. In an effort to avoid further questions, she stepped forward to help Sarek out of his cloak. "You're home early. Not busy at the embassy, I suppose?"

She gave him her sweetest smile, but he was not fooled. Sarek turned to look sharply at T'Shan.

"You allowed her to come downstairs?" he asked.

T'Shan stiffened, her folded hands clasping each other tightly as her nostrils flared in indignation.

"I most certainly did _not_," she said. "But Lady Amanda, as you are well aware, has a will of her own."

Sarek's frown deepened. "Amanda, for the sake of our child, I ask you to return to bed. I will join you shortly."

Knowing she was lucky to get off so easy, Amanda decided not to push it. Flashing him another smile, she folded his cloak over one arm and said "Fine" before turning to leave the entrance hall.

She'd barely crossed over the threshold when she heard T'Shan whispering to Sarek, and though she was unable to discern the words, she knew what the elder woman was saying - and knew that when Sarek joined her in their bedchamber, he would have something to say about it.

XXXXX

By the time Sarek arrived at the bedroom he shared with his wife, Amanda had changed back into a nightgown and was sitting on the bed, her back against the headboard. The gray feline she had insisted on bringing with them from Earth was curled up in her lap, fast asleep. Amanda did not look up at his entrance; she absently stroked the animal's soft fur as she studied her PADD. But Sarek noted that her eyes were not moving; she was waiting for him to speak.

Sarek walked slowly from the door to the bed, his hands clasped behind his back, eyes trained on the floor as a small frown played at his mouth. When he stopped three feet away from her, Amanda finally spoke, but still did not take her eyes off the PADD screen.

"T'Shan told you," she said.

"She did." Sarek waited for a response, but Amanda resumed pretending to read. After a moment's pause, he let his hands fall to his sides and walked across the room to a chair next to the window, where his _ka'athyra_ sat. Picking it up, he sat down and placed it in his lap.

Finally, Amanda looked up. He felt her eyes on him as he gently strummed the instrument's strings, playing no melody in particular, but letting the sweet sounds fill the air.

"You don't have anything to say about it?" Amanda asked when he paused to reposition his fingers.

"It is your decision, not mine. As you said when I came through the doors, I am not your master." Not looking at her, he started to play an ancient Vulcan song he had played for her many times.

He felt a wave of relief through their bond, and then Amanda set aside her PADD and climbed out of bed, coming to stand before him.

"Both T'Aral and T'Shan were convinced you'd disapprove. I'm relieved you don't," she said.

Sarek did not respond. Instead, he leaned further into the _ka'athyra_, his fingers dancing effortlessly over the strings as he let the music overtake him.

When he finished the song and still did not answer her, he felt a thread of _worry_ over the link.

"You... you don't disapprove, do you?" she asked.

Sarek glanced up at her, then down at the instrument again as he began to play another song. "My opinion does not matter," he said evenly.

Amanda reached out and lay a hand on the _ka'athyra_, stilling his fingers. "It does to _me_. You _don't_ approve, do you? Of my hiring an outcast?"

Sarek suppressed a sigh as he set the _ka'athyra_ on the floor next to him. "It is not that I disapprove of _her_. It is her origins I disapprove of," he said.

"Why?" Her tone was sharp now.

"She is _V'tosh t'shaukash_," he said simply. "You do not understand what that means to other Vulcans. They live apart from us by choice and live by emotion - they are a constant threat to the peace we have striven for over a thousand years to achieve. Vulcans bind their emotions for a reason, Amanda. To not suppress them is dangerous."

"Really?" Amanda asked coolly. "Because I rather think it has more to do with _shame_ than anything. You can't bear to see Vulcans express themselves so openly."

"I do not deny that seeing a fellow Vulcan express emotion serves as a... distasteful reminder of what we once were. We are not ashamed of the emotions, Amanda, but of what they brought upon us in the past. Our race was nearly annihilated."

"So you don't think I should hire T'Aral, just because she was born into circumstances she couldn't control?" Amanda asked indignantly.

"I did not say that. If you believe her to be suitable for the job, there is no reason not to employ her. As I said, that decision is yours. I will not contest it."

Amanda looked as if she wanted to say something further, but seemed to change her mind. Pressing her lips together in a thin line, she turned away from him to climb back into bed.

"Well, _I _like her," she said, picking up her PADD again. "And _you_ probably would too, if you'd give her a chance."

Sarek watched her for a moment as she angrily stabbed her PADD with a stylus, her brow furrowed. He knew she did not understand what it meant to be _V'tosh t'shaukash_, and never would. She did not know what she had done - but he would try his best to adapt to it.

Rising from his chair, Sarek joined his wife on the bed, sliding his arms around her waist and burying his face in the space between her neck and shoulder. At first, she stiffened against him - but when he inhaled her scent and sent her his feelings of affection, she relaxed against him.

"I hate it when you do that. I'm trying to be angry at you," she said, sounding resentful, but he knew she was holding back a smile.

"You should avoid anger. It is not healthy for the child."

As if in agreement, Sarek felt a slight flutter against his palm. Pressing his cheek against Amanda's, he murmured, "The _kan-bu_ is in concurrence."

Amanda laughed softly. "You're just trying to escape punishment."

"If I truly opposed this T'Aral's employment, I would make it known to you that it is unacceptable. As it is, I will endeavor to treat her with the utmost civility. I never said I would not, nor did I ever say I have any personal issues with her."

"Just her family," Amanda sighed. "I guess I'll have to settle with that."

With that, she picked up the PADD again and, to Sarek's relief, the subject was dropped as she leaned her back against his chest and began to read.

XXXXX

**A/N: So sorry about the long wait! I know I've been taking forever lately - I'm ashamed that it's been a month since I last updated! I know some of you have been anxious for an update (I'm looking at you, Anonymous) and I appreciate your patience. But, as I have the next chapter planned out, it shouldn't take quite as long. I hope my readers are still with me.**

**Vulcan Vocabulary Note: The _V'tosh t'shaukash_ are, more or less, the same as the _V'tosh ka'tur_, which you may have seen in other fics by other authors. I just changed the name.**

**I recently posted a one-shot centered around T'Shan which can be found here, if you haven't read it yet: http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6383207/1/Sunrises**

**And TeaOli has also updated Therapy, the T'Shan/Pike story (actually, she's updated a couple of times since I have): http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6354913/1/Therapy**

**As usual, replace the (dots) with a period. :)**


End file.
